Saturday, October 31, 2009

Not making...

...a Shutterfly photo book out of this holiday.
In my mind, Halloween would play out like this. All 3 children dressed up cute as a button. Trick or Treating on this beautiful, yet chilly fall day and then family after party, for dinner with friends. I spent the day making white chicken chili. Then, lots of cozy sleep, thanks to time change.
Halloween, actually, played out like this:
After, a COLD soccer game, I frantically spent my day organizing children, as Coach had to both work and coach. Here is how my devotion paid off for each child.

1.) The Mummy:
Money Spent: $0
Time Spent Preparing (cutting sheets, dyeing with tea and paint, wrapping and placing strips, make-up): 8-9 hours
Time Spent Trick or Treating: 50 min. (he got bored)
Time Spent Cleaning his room after getting very mouthy and therefore not attending after party: 25 min
Time Spent Letting him know he is Ungrateful: Enough

2.) The Bug, Dragon, Pink thing with hearts:
Money Spent: $5.99 on clearance yesterday
Time Spent Shopping and Prepping: None, Grammy found costume on her lunch hour
Time Spent Trick or Treating: None, but she did stop by the after party to drop off our chili.
Time Spent Hating us for Making her Look Ridiculous: We'll have to add that up later.

3.) The New Adventure Tinkerbell:
Money Spent: On the birthday wings (too much), the other stuff, maybe $20
Time Spent Preparing: She declared this her costume in March, later I shopped, matched clothes, sewed leaves..etc. Approx. 6 hours
Fever when she started dressing: None
Fever when we got the Wings on: 102.5
Time Spent in Costume: the 45 seconds Pop-pop carried her to this bench and I spent taking this picture.
Time Spent Trick or Treating: -15 minutes. She was actually asleep when her other grand-parents came to bring her candy.

If you look carefully, you can see her slowly falling over as the fever rises. You have to get the picture, right?
In the last 6 weeks, Tink has had 13 stitches, missed a Carnival, missed her favorite cousin's birthday party from this fever, missed Halloween and now tomorrow, will miss her BFF's birthday party. (Happy 3rd, little Flower!)
Stroke of bad luck that is flitting around my Tinker... we are way over you.
F off, how 'bout.
As soon as I finish typing this, I am packing my Halloween stuff in the attic.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Just wonderin' Halloween edition

*Why would anyone grow up and decide they want to be the house that hands out the crappy cheap candy? And yet, there are people who obviously do.

*Same idea for handing out toothbrushes, I don't tell your kid to get a haircut.

*They sell Candy Corn all year at Wal-Mart. I love candy corn...I'd put it in my Top 5 Candy of all time list (which is a pretty exclusive list). That said, I could and never would eat Candy Corn outside of October. Well, maybe the end of September or early November, but no other time!

*Candy is empty calories. Therefore, if you eat 4 pieces of Halloween candy for breakfast, you are bound to lose weight. Check with me next week, I hope to prove this theory. Funny... 4 pieces...

*Why do I insist on semi-making my children's costumes every year? They have perfectly good costumes in stores. The imaginary bear hug and "Thanks, mom you are the greatest, I appreciate your love and attention to detail" just never comes to fruition. After I die, they are going to feel guilty about not telling me how great I was. Especially, after reading the page in my journal, where I describe how great I am and what brats they are.

*Every year, Coach and I dance to the same music. Mid-week, I ask him to buy several bags of candy. Then, Halloween, approximately 45 minutes before the Trick or Treating hour, I call in a panic for him to buy more, because ours has disappeared. Why does he participate and not call me out as the culprit? Because he is scared of Tink and I...that's why.

*How about, we decide as a community to add another evening, early summer-ish, where we go to each other's house and hand out candy. We don't have enough Holidays where we give each other candy and the idea was ingenious. We have Easter...but all that religion gets in the way. (Just Kidding!) But really, people decided to make the Olympics...and that seems to be working out.

*What kid Tricks and does not Treat? 'If they give you a choice...always choose Treat. Eventually, life will play plenty of rotten Tricks on you'. Put that on a Hallmark card.

*Happy Hallows Eve! What could be better than an entire day of keeping bowls of candy in your home, smearing make-up on your small children, forcing them to pretend to be someone else, throwing a scavenger hunt where you encourage people to smash your children's pumpkins...and confusing kids, by telling them to run across the street and beg strangers for candy.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Her husband is a lucky man.

Last week, The Kid came down with this 'fever' that is going around. No other symptoms, just a 3 day fever. This week Tink has it. When the Kid is sick he is sweet and pathetic, when Tink is ill, she is mean and even more Tinkish. She also will not eat. On her tiny frame losing a pound or two is significant.
Today, I decided to pull out the big guns and drive thru DQ for her fav 'french frides'.
We returned home and I prepared her 'sure to make her healthy with deep fried' meal on her Tinkerbell plate. Full mountain of ketchup gleaming and ready. That's almost a fruit.

Tink: I NEBER want dos french frides!!
Me: I want you to eat a couple because it will make you feel better.
Tink: I NEBER feel bedder!! I watch mine mobie.

She received the new Tinkerbell Adventure on opening day. We have watched it on repeat. Apparently, she has decided to succumb to the fever and if she is going down, she is sharing the end with Tinkerbell.
After a compromise (if compromise is defined as her telling me exactly what to do and me listening obediently) we decided I would hold her on my lap, while she ate.
The demands did not stop there. I had to feed her. Only, I could not be trusted to pick out the correct fries in the correct order. She would pick up her choice and hand it to me. I had to dip fry in the ketchup and wait for her head nod and then place the fry in front of her lips while she slowly nibbled each one. My posts are normally laced with sarcasm and exaggerations. Unfortunately, not this time. She actually handed me the fry to dip for her. I could have explained that taking me out as the middle man may get the fry to her mouth quicker but what's the point. She ate a few, only pausing to glare and grunt at her brother every time he attempted to speak to me. She was able to finish with a Reese's buttercup. Sit back and watch all those vitamins work their magic.
As this played out, I again sympathized with her future husband. After, he has legally made her his wife (and trust me, we will push for a VERY quick courtship and engagement) we will then explain what he has gotten himself into.
God help the man, once a 'month' or for an entire pregnancy. How often will he have to fetch her cravings and then hand feed her?
The Coach can give him a few pointers, Tink's mother was not a bucket of sunshine during her own pregnancies. But this girl puts my pathetic to shame.
Coach actually loves me the most while I am ill. He is attracted to my weakened state knowing I am too tired to sass back. Tink has not inherited this trait.
Have I mentioned there will be no labeling this girl as the 'docile and pleasing' middle child?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Stuff bouncing around in my head.

My thoughts on Children's television.

1. How awesome is Phineas and Ferb? I love their songs. Except, as an older sister to a younger brother, I always get a little excited hoping this is the episode she finally rats out those little punks.
2. I miss Captn Caveman.
3. I wish that Swiper would steal more stuff from Dora. She is just so helpful and happy. She has earned the disappointment.
4. On Imagination Movers- is that guy's hair real or does he wear a wig to not be recognized on such an awful show?
5. Why did Strawberry Shortcake have to get tall and skinny? Can't she just enjoy life being short, chunky with ill fitting clothes, for a while longer?
6. Hey Zack and Cody, you peaked on Big Daddy. Go away. Please.
7. Do you think with the collapse of the banking system, that Scrooge McDuck from Ducktails, is pretty thankful about keeping his pile of money in that tower?
8. Looking back, I may have better served my son, by turning off Teletubbies and The Wiggles. Hindsight is 20/20. I do apologize, Commissioner.
9. We watched He-Man while growing up. The body type did not translate into my psyche when falling in love with Coach. I mean, he has the muscles, obviously, just not the hair.
10. I don't get Spongebob. Really, we base an entire television series on a sponge? Do you have any idea the amount of bacteria that grows on a yellow kitchen sponge? It's like a walking, talking infection.

Extra Credit: Please tell me where the mother is on Max and Ruby? Why can't her little brother get out of her face for five minutes? I sympathize.

Monday, October 26, 2009

To my favorite God-daughter.

It is inevitable, if Tink has a birthday, you will follow ten days later. You are very special to me. Your mom and I were pregnant together and I was as excited to meet you, as my own little Tink. I was THRILLED to discover you were a girl and that you would grow up together as little twin cousins (twice over!) I should say that you could slow down but I am too excited to have double the trouble three year olds.
You bring our family so much joy. I cannot get enough of you running into each other's arms (even if it is several times a day at 3 different Christmas parties). I love to listen to you both talk as you play. You two could be a little sweeter to each other and maybe, work on your sharing skills...but you have plenty of time to practice. Just the rest of your lives!

The above, is one of our favorite pictures of you. Love you, love your bright blue eyes, your hugs goodbye and your huge spirit. My fondest memory of you this year, was the morning we shared as I took you to meet your baby sister. Listening to you repeat her new name over and over was priceless.

I'm sure one day you may be annoyed that your birthday is always ten days after Tink's. Not to will always grow faster than her!
I do not apologize for when I buy you both matching clothes.
I hope this trip down memory lane does not make your Uncle Coach cry.
Happy Birthday, Eleven. My most favorite God-daughter. I am always honored to have the privilege to call you that.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

This is what I think.

This is what I think about our Saturday night.

This week, I thought it would be a cute idea to go as Slumber Party Barbie. At 2:00am when I crawled into bed, I thought the idea was genius to go to a party in pajamas.

I think that Pooh has mad skills. Hey Mr DJ...'Just Like a Prayer' and the 'Humpty Dance'...what is better than that?

I think we may have a franchise idea here, Urban Cowboy meets Dark night, then throw in a little Top Gun.

I think Wolverine nailed himself a cute girl...get it..."nailed" himself. That is funny stuff.

I think I am lucky to be friends with these girls.

I think you ladies should know...that muscle...all his. If you don't believe that, he will flag you.

I think Coach should have started working on his costume BEFORE 8:00pm on Friday night. I mean, you know when Halloween's the same exact month every year. I think he was pretty grateful that I bought that thyme and flax seed when he was filling his fake Woody Harrelson 'pot bag'. Also, try not to let that drop out on the street, where it sat all night, until our party hosts' neighbors found it. Even if it's not real that's still not cool.

I think that looked like the most powerful pumpkin toss in history and yet, the Disney character had to man up and finish the job.

I think it looks like whatever Gilligan just said to me was the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. Can't remember it, though.

I think the Snow White that arrived was sweet enough but the Snow White that ended the night was freakin awesome. Love her!

I think we are all aware that Hobbits are rumored to be an affectionate and fruity bunch but it is never appropriate to dance with your cousin like that, or your brother.

I think it was not widely known until last night that Gilligan was a pimp.
I also think:
It is ok to take 4 trips to the buffet table if you end up dancing for three solid hours. It has literally been YEARS since I've done that.
Scavenger hunts are fun.
Stop signs are more like a polite warning than an actual law.
It is great that Grammy keeps our kids all night but I should really think about getting a sitter for the next day as well.
When your scavenger team gets to pick out a shot, do not let Snow White shout out 'Three Wise Men'! Go ahead and eat that apple, crazy.
That you should NEVER leave your digital camera unattended, otherwise someone may shoot an image of your in law that will burn deep into your brain like a disfiguring acid.
I had a GREAT time, I really needed to get out of my mommy shell and I can not wait until next year.

I also think...a few people were very missed.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Little help, Mr. Darcy.

My husband and Tink are extremely unhealthy eaters. I have spent the better part of the last year (jazzed by the advice of Dr. Oz) desperately trying to improve their vitamin intake. The only green vegetable Tink will consume is a pickle and that is one up on her father. I may have purchased ground Organic Flax Seed and I may be hiding it in their pasta. (I can neither confirm or deny this information as Coach is convinced sneaking vitamins into his food is illegal.)
Yesterday, while browsing the Produce Section I found bagged fresh cranberries on a 2/For sale.
I love cranberry juice, they are very healthy and they are cute. We base much of our tasting on how cute food is. Our eyes have taste buds. Passed down from my mother, thank you. For example, why would anyone drink Mountain Dew, are you aware what that resembles in a clear glass??
After returning home I realized:
What the Bleep do you do with fresh cranberries??
Unless you are trimming a tree in a Jane Austin novel or decorating a festive floating candle arrangement....I'm out of options.
Have you ever popped a fresh cranberry in your mouth? Not as cute as I thought. Though, very entertaining after I tricked The Kid into trying one.
I will gladly accept advice on how to sneak, um..I mean, prepare a dish with cranberries.
I see no reason why anyone would need to discuss this post with The Coach. I find the less he knows, the easier he is able to skip through life.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Fairy Dance

During our beautiful Fall afternoons, my Tink has taken to dancing in the sun spot in front of our picture window. She reaches her arms wide and spins gracefully, leaping and grabbing at the 'Tinkerbell spriunkle waderfall' that glitters in the sunlight.
Do you find this endearing or tragically sad? Picturing that we have enough dust in our home to make a Pixie Dust Waterfall?
Keep in mind, the vast majority of household dust is made of organic materials such as human skin.

*I am not months away from becoming a doctor like Ms. Somebody Special...but I do have access to Wikipedia, to locate such scientific details.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


An example of my inner dialog during bedtime.
Start Scene.
I dread this. Please don't make me say it.
"Kids, time for bed!"
"Nooooo! I NEBER go to bed!" In unison, from what sounds like 10 kids.
Take Kid to bathroom. Make sure he brushes teeth. Put scar cream on his chin. Get his allergy medicine. Please work, so he doesn't cough all night. He needs to get back to school. Can not take all 3 kids to my hair appt in morning.
"Why do I have to go to bed so early?!!"
"Because you have to get up early for school."
"Why do I have to go? I hate that law. The Government is mean to kids. What time do the kids in China start school?"
"Brush your teeth". We really need to dumb him down a little. What time do they start in China? Really? Remind him to put on lotion.
Tell him to get in bed. Try to work on Tink. Ignore her screaming. Put on jammies. Why is she so strong? Fine, no jammies, she can sleep in her clothes again. Rub Vit E on her lip. Ignore her hand slap. Don't bother to brush her hair. Maybe, I should cut it shorter. Brush her teeth. Yes, I'll smell your teeth. Praise her, she is wonderful because she brushed her teeth. Why is she so much like her father? No, you can't watch a movie. Fine, you can watch a movie.
Coach fantastically skips in the house from a late practice. Loves his team, loves basketball, loves life! Wants to tell me everything.
Try to ignore him while I change Coco's diaper. Start nursing baby. I hate Coach's radiating joy. Why is he so darned happy all the time? I think about throwing something at him. He would catch it, that would make him think of softball, make him love life harder. Don't throw something at him, just ignore him.
Finish with baby. Hand her to Coach for easy part of snuggling her to sleep.
Coach: Don't you love her? Isn't she beautiful? Isn't she the sweetest baby ever?
I guess. Not so sweet earlier when she screamed to be nursed and I was taking Kid's temperature, while getting Tink's Capri Sun. All while you were happily dribbling a basketball.
Try to get Tink in bed again. Whatever, she can stay up longer.
Head to bathroom. Don't need to change into pajamas. Still wearing them from last night. How convenient for myself. Less laundry. Start to wash my face. When did I get ugly? I should put on eye cream. Takes too long. Maybe tomorrow night. I should have worked out today. Does vacuuming count? How many calories did I eat anyway? Probably too many, who cares. Maybe I should walk in place to burn calories while I brush my teeth. Pluck my eyebrows? Maybe I'll wax them tomorrow. Get in bed.

Coach skips in: Got the girls in bed. I am a Super Wonderful dad. Aren't our kids so super great? Isn't life super marvelous? Aren't we lucky?
Sure. He smiles too much. I think about kicking him and all his joy. If I kicked him he may think of soccer. Then football, then Fantasy Football. Then he may talk about stupid imaginary trades. I hate Fantasy Football. I remind him it's not even real. It's a FANTASY!
Try to close my eyes. We need groceries. I should shop tomorrow. How long can kids go without milk? Does it count if they eat cheese sticks and a vitamin? That may buy me another day. I'm hungry.

Kid yells from his bed: Moooommm, can I go to the bathroom?
Yes. Why does he have to ask? Would I ever NOT let him use the bathroom?
I'm still hungry.
I want McDonald's. Wish I lived near a Papa John's.

End Scene.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's my blog and I'll change if I want too.

I am shaking things up, mid-game.
I am changing The baby's blog name from Kat to Coco.
I'm over Kat. I labeled her before we really knew her and she is not a Kat.
Ditta and his family like to nick name people. A long standing tradition my in-laws suffer with. After several months of thinking, he declared our baby's nickname Coco ******'s (insert real name with an 's' and think of cereal).
I did not jump at this suggestion. Ditta wanted the baby's legal name to be Cadillac if it was a boy, (honest to Bitsy!) Ideas such as these, do not make him my go-to-man. Regardless, something about Coco seems to work.
After careful consideration these are my reasons why the name change is fitting.
1. Think of our last name.
2. Coco Chanel was the only perfume worn by Marilyn Monroe (I have a teeny obsession).
3. Coco Chanel was French. If I can no longer speak the language and have years before I visit the country...this is close enough.
4. Sounds cooler. (Probably the most researched reason)
5. The Cocoa bean is easily God's greatest creation. Right up there with Mankind, the Coral Reef and the Grand Canyon.
6. At 5 months she is absolutely the sweetest baby we have had. Possibly, the cocoa beans used to make the chocolate that her mother consumes several times a day and transfers to her milk..may have something to do with that.
7. Ice-T's wife is named Coco. We are West Coast.
8. Coconut Oil is the greatest smell of summer.
9. Last night while I was taking care of sick kids, I wished I was in Coco Beach.
10. Last, I'm not feeling Kat. I do not even like Cats. Just ask ours.
There you have it...try to absorb this.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Manic Monday

The Coach held his basketball try outs today and cut 9 kids.
The Kid has a fever and will be missing his second day of school tomorrow.
Tink is coming down hard off a birthday high.
The baby is teething.
I just realized the shirt I have been wearing for the past 9 hours was on inside out.

The 9:30pm Blizzard run barely helped.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Tinkeriffic Day for a Carnival

Tink celebrated her third birthday with carnival. I stole this idea from Melancholy Smile and edited it slightly to add more store bought sugar and less cute crafts. Cheap sugar is a Tink favorite.

We had roughly 716 children in our yard for the festivities. (only a slight exaggeration) Thankfully, we finally had a little sun. I'm not sure how we could have fit the entire event in our garage.

The Carnival included a Marsh mellow Race and a whipped cream Pie Eating Contest. A fan favorite with some of our older boys.

There was a Bozo styled Marsh mellow drop.

The kids were too cute after stopping by the face painting booth.

Donut on a String. I heard Tink cheated a bit. It's not nice to dangle donuts in front of her.

Approximately, 3 minutes after the last guest left, the Birthday Girl fell asleep sitting upright on the couch.

She woke up just in time to greet her last birthday well wisher. After a month vacation at My Brother's Boot Camp..."Her Desmond" has returned home.

Another birthday has come and gone. It was a huge success thanks to our wonderful friends and family. We appreciate all of their help, running booths and gathering kids. Tink is a very lucky girl to have so many special people in her life!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Happy Birthday, my girl.

I wish, on your second birthday, we thought to install a blinking yellow warning light above our door. A reminder to slow down and notice every second of how you were changing. As I prepare for your third birthday, I am filled with regret for not video taping you more. I did not take enough pictures and I am mentally trying to memorize the sound of your tiny voice. Many things have happened this year that will form the girl you are becoming. You turned into our Tink (a nickname that will certainly stick), you became a big sister and moved into your shared bedroom for the next 16 years. You potty trained!! and you suffered your first accident that may leave a little scar on your smile and in your heart.

During the first hours following, all I could think was "Her face! Not her perfect little face!". It was screaming in my head. I could not fathom in one blink, you could be horribly marked for life. The image of your first day, flashed in my mind. When you were born, you were the most beautiful, tiny baby I had ever seen. You were smaller than your brother and sister by pounds, your face was perfectly flushed and without a blemish but most memorable were your wide blue eyes. It was as if you were already full of confidence. Soaking in and observing every family member that came to meet you.
After my heart stopped racing, I realized what really upset me. It was not the fear of losing your beauty but rather that I was unable to protect you. You were only feet from me, your companion was the 'villain' and your wounds were deeper than your skin. That was your first heart break, the first time you looked at me for help and I could not stop the pain. I hate knowing, as you get older, as you start school, make friends, ride a bike....that many things will happen I can not prevent. Your heart will be broken by boys, your confidence will be shaken by mean girls and your tiny body will be scarred again. I can only pray that you will retain your inner Tink and always fight back. Always remain full of spirit and charge into life, rather than wait for an invitation.

There are also wonderful things to remember from this year. Many of them are enveloped in your squeaky vocabulary.

Tink Talk... translated.

"Taste dis!"....Please, bite my hang nail off for me.
"Where my sunecklacesses?"....Can you find my sunglasses?
"Pre Sun!"...May, I have a Capri Sun?
"I NEBER!"... I would not like to do (insert anything), thank you mom, for asking.
"I lobe you too".... The only way she will say, I love you, regardless if you said it first. Always meant as a reminder that you love her more, than she actually loves you.
"Don't do dis to me".....Anything, you do that she has not asked for.
"Rub me."..... I made the HUGE mistake of rubbing her foot while I nursed her as a baby at night. Now, she would like her foot rubbed AND her neck, back, stomach, arms, etc. She has even requested her bottom but we had to draw the line.
"Use your claws, like dis!".... Please gently scratch me with your fingernails as you rub me.
"Banket!!!"....Would you please locate my blanket for me. One positive note from her incident, her wounds made her unable to suck on the corners of her blanket. Breaking her of a disgusting habit. If you had the misfortune of having the wet end slap against your skin, you are almost thankful to that dog.

"Dat MINE sista"....Yes, this is my new younger sister. Love her some, but not more than me.

"I want mine moobie"....Please play Tinkerbell AGAIN.

You may find the exclamation marks obnoxious at this point but I can assure you, this is how she speaks.

"I NOT WANT DOS CLODES, I WANT MINE JAMMIES!!!"... I will not change into real clothing, I am perfectly comfortable in my 3 day old pajamas.
"I go to Cawgo, dat last time".... I went to Chicago, months ago. 'Last time' can refer to last week, last month, last year or even yesterday, whether it was the first, second or last time she has experienced it.

A question posed to Tink.
What would you like to eat?
"French frides"....French Fries, anytime, from anywhere, for any meal.

In addition, I fell more in love because: Your hugs got tighter, you have gotten taller but did not gain one single pound, making your legs the cutest things ever in leggings and I adore your short haircut. Plus, you are turning three, which happens to be my favorite age!
I love you so very much, my beautiful daughter. I am grateful to be a passenger on your ride. If my heart was full of The Kid, it runneth over with you. You may have been our 'surprise' baby but our life is certainly more pleasantly unpredictable with you in it.
Happy Sweetest Day Birthday, Tink. It seems oddly fitting and ironic.