Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I Hate Who I Have Become.

Last night, my Neti Pot and I spent some serious quality time together.
I view our relationship as many Desperate Housewives must view their secret addiction to Crystal Meth. I never could have imagined, doing such a thing to my body and then admitting to the world, how Tru-ly lame I have become.

A.) When I need my fix, I lock myself in the bathroom, unable to face my children and husband. They should never see their mother, in such a disparaging state.

B.) While preparing 'my drug'... I feel a little ashamed, a little embarrassed by what is about to happen and a little sad for my dependency.

C.) While injecting/using the Neti Pot. It feels wrong. I feel dirty, repulsed and wonder how I could have ever been talked into pouring water up my nose. It is very unnatural, to say the least.

D.) When it has ended. I have a mess to clean up and can barely look at myself in the mirror.

E.) Moments later.... I feel the rush. The glorious High of actually being able to breathe! I have forgotten the 'ugly' and rejoice in the swift sensation of fresh oxygen in my system.

F.) I leave the bathroom. Basking in my 'Fix'. Yet, as I crawl into bed with my husband, it feels awkward and uncomfortable... for we both know
(but want to forget) what I have just done.

Neti Pot:
You are my Drug.
I just can't shake ya.
At least, not until this sinus infection clears.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Two Months.

Just 2....

Months from today, our Relay for Life Team will throw a Recycled Wedding Reception.

Start working off those Thanksgiving Pies.
(note to self, as many left-over desserts filled my refrigerator post-Thanksgiving festivities.)
Line up a Seamstress.
Dig out a Bridesmaid's Dress.
Stop by a Thrift Store.

Practice your Chicken Dance.
Remember how to Hokie your Pokie.

this is a party,
NOT to be missed.

January 29th.
Recycled Wedding Reception.

** I hope your belly feels a little bit excited, anxious, curious and nervous... all at the same time!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Black Friday


Coach: I'm gonna get up and go get that $198 Flatscreen TV from Wal-Mart.

Me: Go ahead. Do what you need to do.

Coach: Don't you think I should? That is a really awesome deal.

Me: I don't care what you do at 4:00am.
Just don't wake me up.


Friday Morning...

(4:35am). Alarm sounds.
Coach enthusiastically jumps out of bed.
Pumped and excited to get his TV.
I continue to sleep.

(5:45am). Coach returns.

Me: How'd it go?
(Trying to suppress my 'I told you so' Smile.)

Coach: What a bleepin joke! People had been waiting there since 9:00pm the night before? I didn't even have a chance. They should bleepin advertise that you have to spend the night there. It was bleepin ridiculous. People were crazy acting! What a waste of my bleepin time. I will never do that bleep again.

Me: Some lessons, just have to be learned.

Coach: Bleep that.

We went back to sleep.
End Scene.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thank. Full.

My Family of Five:

is Healthy, Beautiful, Amusing, Active, Happy, Loving, Dramatic, Brilliant, Fun and Snuggly.

I am very Thank- Full to the Brim. With Love.

Happy Thanksgiving Blog-World!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

$300 at Wal-Mart = Holiday Fun.

Brand new Wii: Purchased (via Grammy)

Just Dance 2: Purchased (via Gramma)

Michael Jackson Experience just released yesterday!:
Purchased (via my own wallet... and OUCH.)

New Ping Pong Paddles and Balls: Purchased

Catch Phrase: Soon to be Purchased

Turkeys, cranberry sauce (I don't know if anyone actually eats this but I got it anyway.) Stuffing, wide variety of pops and other beverages, fancy paper plates with the separate compartments to prevent food-touchage: All Purchased

I may be cookin those Turkeys in the Crock-pot but the Fun-ness Level has been painstakingly planned to each age-appropriate and LaughMaximum detail.

Our first Thanksgiving, in our Home:
Kinda/Sorta ready to go...
and we are actually pretty excited about it.

Side Note:
I tried 3 of the Michael Jackson songs, yesterday.
I taught Thriller a lesson.
Today my back and arms hurt.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I'm not sure they REALLY deserve this much Fan Fare.

Because our children have grandmas that spoil them plenty, we began buying them 'memories' for their birthdays. Rather than fancy presents.
On Sunday, The Kid received his day.
We ditched One Coco and added One Six to our Famdamly Adventure.
Sunday morning (following CCD...) we climbed onto The Kid's First Official Train Ride. (Because "EVERY kid in the whole world has been on a train, except him!")
End Dramatic Quote.

Tink loved riding the train. Not so much the getting on and off. She prefers a more quiet environment.

After arriving in Chicago, we walked for awhile. The boys were VERY excited to visit Sears Tower.
(I don't care how big you carve Willis on that wall, it's still Sears Tower.)

(The Taxi Cab was a pretty big thrill. Except to mom, who held her breath and tried not to touch anything.)

We then arrived to our Main Attraction.
The Shedd Aquarium. We Heart that place.

The Kid and Six asked SEVERAL tour guides, SEVERAL questions. Really boys, they are penguins. A penguin is a penguin, do we really need to know which species and from which continent?

We were a little surprised to learn Chicago has a serious Crack problem.
And that information amused me all.day.long....

We left the Aquarium with time to spare and opted to take another exciting Taxi ride back to downtown. We strolled and viewed the Christmas Decorations. After we got chilly, we snuck into Barnes and Nobles, purchased a few books (Yes Coach! We really did NEED new books!) a hot cocoa and walked back to the train station.

On Monday, we surprised The Kid by meeting him during his lunch hour with Subway. All five of us, squeezed into the grade school cafeteria table. We heard several "Ahhh, Man...you are Lucky!" exclaimed to The Kid, with bitter little voices.

We finished our extravaganza, with a Kid requested Ice Cream Cake.

With NINE candles lit on top.
It nearly melted from the flame.
My boy is so old.

Monday, November 22, 2010

To The First.

It is amazing to me, to realize my children, developed their personalities from the Womb.
While pregnant with Tink: I craved Dairy Queen everyday! My belly and weight were the smallest, I was both happy and a teeny bit grumpy at all times. On her Birth Day, she was stubborn, cozy in her warm home and finally arrived quietly.
While pregnant with Coco: I craved pasta, pasta and pizza. My belly was HUGE! I was thrilled to be pregnant but tired very easily. On her Birth Day, she arrived calmly and snuggled soundly.
And while pregnant with The Kid: I got BIG! I craved broccoli and spaghetti and ate LOTS of everything. He stretched his giant legs all the time (and it hurt, as you were 4 inches longer than your sisters!). I told anyone that would listen I did not want him born on Thanksgiving. But defiantly and quickly, he charged into my world, with the loudest cry and immediately fell into a long, deep nap.

Defiant, quick, long, loud and hungry.
That is my boy.
Today, my boy is Nine.

To describe any corner of your personality, would require several 'Very's and a few exclamation marks. Because, little boy, you are To The Extreme.
You are very intelligent. I would love to brag, you inherited your 'smarts' from your mother, except you are putting me to shame. Your mind is curious. You want and need to learn. I am awed by your wonder.
Though seriously, I am NOT your encyclopedia.

You are very deep. You think just a little too much. You worry and that is from your mother. It would surprise people to know, you are shy and nervous. Though, publicly you appear so friendly and outgoing. You fear people do not like you and in actuality people want you to like them! I pray you will someday see in yourself, what others see in you.

You are FAST. You run like the wind. You read fast, write fast, eat fast. Your life is skipping forward in super-sonic fast motion.
Pleeeaasseeee.... Slow Down!
You are quick to lose that temper. Quick to feel happy, sad or excited. Quick to mess up a room. (Really, for Dad's sake, please pick up your socks.) Quick to react, learn or defend.

Mostly, you are so VERY beautiful.
Physically and emotionally.
Emotionally, you are the most loyal. You love so very hard and hurt when others do not love you back with the same passion. You lack physical boundaries and want to touch the people in your circle. You desire to be unforgettable and trust me... you are.
Your beauty... is still shocking to me. You most resemble me and then so very much more. Your face is amazing. Your skin is perfect, your smile can light up your face and those around you. You have great hair (sorry Tink) and your eyes tell your story. You are too pretty for just any ol' boy.

To my first love:
I have done right by you. If I accomplish nothing else in my life, I know that for certain.
You deserved my everything and I try to deliver as much. I promised you the world and each summer we (plus Pop-pop and Grammy) try to show you the beauty of our country. I see my best memories, being made in your expressions.
Ask... and I will answer.
Need... and I will deliver.
Want... and I will find.
Continue to amaze and strive to be more than great.
You are special.

I Love you.
Happy Birthday to Our Son.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

My First Wine Tasting

Our Favorite Group, aimed at making an IMPACT on our Town, held their very first Wine/Beer Tasting, with the proceeds benefiting several projects.
I am not a Wine Drinker.
I cautiously approached each table, with advice from others. I took my time and did not over-indulge.
After an hour, I retreated to the Bar and ordered...
a Miller Lite.

My final thoughts:

I could dress myself Up, spritz on a little perfume and spend 2 hours flirting and kissing random men with fancy names and professions...
and the result would have been the same.

My stomach felt funny and regretted my actions.
My mouth tasted yucky from the unfamiliar.
I felt unimpressed with the unknown.
And my actions left me hungry and full of regret.

The evening was an amazing success.
Thanks to Grammy, The Commish, SP and MB for their contributions to the evening.

But really, after many years, Miller has never done me wrong. Why cheat on a perfectly good thing?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm so OveR being a Grown-up.

As Dawn broke in our home (literally, we were awake at 5:30am), we celebrated our 14th day Under the Republic of the Bizarre Flu.
The ailment has taken down 3 Good Men (honestly, just the good ones.) Tink and I (thus far) are the only unaffected. (Grammy claims we are too mean to catch the Flu.) It is comforting, to have a mother that praises you so kindly.
Obviously, I would credit Tink's diet of Tyson Chicken Nuggets, Capri Sun and M&M's for her tough as steel, immune system. Vitamin C, appears to be over-rated.
I have not slept a full night in 14 days.
I have held hands, wiped bottoms, fetched blankies and cleaned vomit. (Sadly, a few of those things were not just for the children. In sickness and in health. There's some fine print, for ya...)
Not to be ousted from his Throne as the most repulsive member of our household, The Cat vomited on our newly professionally cleaned carpets. Just to stay in the game.
I am exhausted.
Trapped in a pure-zombie like state, has left me munching on short-lived energy carb snacks, not typically in my daily diet. For example, The New Me eats chips right out of the bag. The New Me, purchases White Oreos (for the kids, my behind) and rips apart the top with shaking hands. The New Me, will cook a frozen pizza, without Coach's begging.
Therefore, The New Me has gained 4 pounds.
Coach, has lost 7.

My Funtastic 4 lbs + Coach's -7lbs =
Nobody's Amused.

Side Note:
Raise your hand, who is super excited to come to our home for Thanksgiving?! I need someone to bring an Apple Pie, a bottle of GermX, a relish tray and maybe an extra bucket.

LABEL: Yes, I know my blog is gross.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Conversation...

held at 9:30pm.

Coach: Dad sat next to me on the bench tonight!
(yes, Coach likes to speak with exclamation.)

Me: Really? I'll bet he loved that.

Coach: He did. I called him and asked if he wanted too. But he told me he was going with mom and would just sit by her. But then when he got there, he came right on down and sat on the bench for the whole game.
(My.dad.is.the.greatest tone to his voice.)

Me: Oh, so he ditched your mom at home, or something?

Coach (confused): No, she was there.

Me: What? Your mom came and sat in the stands totally by herself?

Coach: Yea. Why?

In Conclusion:
With 5 grown children, 13 Grandchildren, a farm/home and several other facets of their life to care for: Gramma and Grandpa have absolutely nothing better to accomplish, on a Tuesday, than to drive OUT OF TOWN for a 7th Grade Basketball Game and are related to NO ONE actually playing.
And... poor Gramma had to sit alone.
during half time.
They are either Superfans or
really, really love their son.

I am both amused by this story and
slightly fearful for my future.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Germs, Free of Charge.

The most bizarre flu is running 'thru' my family.
(Flu or possibly bad meat from our Christmas Cow. We may want our money back. We'll go ahead and keep the steaks... just in case.)
It can last up to 10 days.
For the most part, you appear fine. No fever. No terrible stomach cramps.
The only symptoms are a complete and total lack of appetite and a very speedy exit of the teeny bit of food consumed.
You may spend an entire day, pretty normal and then... a rough, sleepless night.
(Especially, Sleepless for the parents, dealing with/cleaning the dramatically ill children.)

Both affected parties, appear noticeably thinner.
Thankfully, because who wants Chunky Children?!

Why am I blogging, the icky details of my children's bathroom habits??

As a public service, of sorts...

If you have a little Christmas party outfit, that is just a size too small and feel a mild case of Flu may help...

Yes, our home is always open, if you would like to come over and hold our children or maybe even lick our doorknobs. Who needs a Flu Shot, with an offer like that floating around?
Anything, to help out a friend in need.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Weekend Reading

To expand on a Conversation, had the other night...
and then had at Grammy's work, with her 'people'...

Making a list, of Specific Brand Names that people commonly use to generically cover an entire group.

For Example:

"Do you have a Kleenex?"

Kleenex is actually a Brand Name. There are several different types of facial 'tissues'.

The List... 'Thus Far':

White Out or Liquid Paper

Band-Aides (Bandages)

Chap Stick
("Do you have any Tylenol?" when you may really want Advil...etc.)

Xerox (copy machine)
("I Googled.." When you used Yahoo or Ask.com)

Vaseline (Petroleum Jelly)
Crock-Pot (slow cooker)
Jell-O (Gelatin)
Ping Pong (table tennis)

Ok, feel free to expand!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Poor Nerdy Coach....

Coach was very bummed to see his lack of Birthday Shout-outs in the Comment Section.
After Doc blazed the way with No Fewer than 27 Comments on her Birthday, Coach was hoping for a little more Love.
He exclaimed,
"What the Bleep? I'm practically the Main Character of the whole Blog!"

You are more than happy to laugh at his expense, yet not kind enough to show little JC some respect. (notice I added 'little'... I am funny.)
Flag Girl
Big Bro-hol
The General, Munchkin...etc.
Gramma G (his VERY OWN Mother! Not only did you fly down to Florida on his birthday, apparently that entire State is without Internet Service.)
Shame on all of you.

Still, the real Moral of this Story remains...
If this Blog were High school
and my characters were in a popularity race,
Obviously, Doc will always be our Homecoming Queen.

Congratulations, Doc.
I suppose,
that actually makes you Superflyawesome.
And Coach is just some guy,
we all make fun of.
His Ego may never recover from this.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Swirling Around in a 'Sea of Love'

Come with me
My love
(Hurry, let's run away, before they notice.)

To the sea (Bourbon Street)
The sea of love
(I'm not sure Bourbon St is a 'Sea of Love'... more like Street paved in Sin. But it made people Happy.
To each his own.)

Do you remember
When we met? (First Willy's, than Turtles.)
(Likely, you barely remember either but both were extremely romantic locales.)

That's the day
I knew you were my pet
(Not really 'my pet' so much, but you had cute hands and were funny. Same Diff.)

I wanna tell you
how much
I Love you
(Ummm, 'Love'? Are we really committing to 'that word'. We just barely met, for gosh sakes!)

I wanna tell you
just how much
I Love you.
(Fine. I suppose, I really do.)

Happy Birthday, Coach.
You are absolutely,
the Pepperoni, on our Pizza.
The Bounce, in our Step.
The Swish, of our Free Throw.
The Bacon, on top of our Nachos.

Without you,
this family would be pretty bland.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Family Picture Day. Good Times.

A Few questions/Observations from:
Family Picture Day
(aka The Morning My Head Rotated in a Circle)

1. First. Why... is Family Picture Day, always the morning my Hair decides we have never met? Explain to me, if I ran to Dairy Queen on a Tuesday afternoon and bump into No One, my hair is a Pantene Advertisement. And yet, if I plan a Professional Picture, for 3 weeks... My hair will simultaneously be Dry yet Wet, Straight yet Frizzy, Puffy yet Flat and Curly on one side and mildly wavy on the other?
I could blame it on spending 48 solid minutes perfecting 4 tiny ponies.... Except my Hair has failed me at nearly every professional event, in my Lifetime. Yes, Sydney... Curly Hair is SO BLEEPIN Fun! I would love (dare) one person to walk up to me this week and exclaim, "You are SO lucky to have naturally curly hair! You NEVER have to get a perm!".
The same questions may be posed for:
Poor Outfit Selection.
Famously last second chin pimples.
And temporary hand paralysis leading to spontaneous inability to NOT shove eyeliner pencil directly into eye.

2. In 83% of the proofs, Coach's face appears to be physically pained by the entire experience. Obviously, Acting is not one of his Superflyawesome skills.

3. Please tell me, Why Tink hates to be pretty?
Literally, she screamed,
"I cant NEBER be Berry Pretty!"
Good luck to ya, Future Prom Date.

4. Coco has either perfected her 'Wink' ooorrrr, has one of those Notorious Lazy Picture Flash eyes. I'm gonna go with the 'Wink'. I would appreciate the rest of you, jumping on that bandwagon.

5. Can someone locate the Guinness world record, for the amount of times a mother has exclaimed in a very stern whisper... "Just Chill OUT and sit Still!" in the 20 minutes prior to the photographer arriving?

6. Last, I was thrilled to realize, The Kid's very expensive Glare Proof Glasses, are actually a NASA strength magnetic ray for every reflection or flash for a 2.3 mile radius.
Not that I mind, I secretly hoped to remember his 9th Birthday, as the month he shot Lasers from his eyes.

I have only viewed a small selection of the Proofs.
Despite their drama..
my children are the most beautiful group of Drama-filled Misfits, Eva. The unbiased public, will be the Judge, when and if I ever Print, label/stamp and mail my Christmas Cards.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Dear GG:

Your Grandson believes you are invincible.
He is convinced you can leap tall buildings.
It is inconceivable to Coach,
that life could ever shake your strut.
And by Golly,
I am pretty sure, he is right.

very similar to my little Tink, you are tiny but NOT frail. You appear sweet and mini but you are NOT a push-over.
You are the proud matriarch to a big, booming family of Full.of.Life Irish men and women. You have created a dynasty, to be proud of. Your 'decedents' are amazingly beautiful, vibrant, caring and painfully hilarious. Especially, to each other.
I am honored to share your name.
To raise just a few of your MANY great-grandchildren.
To have married, your grandson.

You are an amazing woman of faith.
A candle you burn, for your grand-children in want, feels as magically powerful, as if lit by an Angel.

I am convinced, 94 ain't gonna slow you down!
You know what they say,
your 90's are the new 30's...

Happy Birthday, GG!
You are the tiny star, we all orbit around.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Shiny Happy People Laughing...

You are Joyful.
A Tru Joy to be around.

Jubilant. Jolly. Jovial. Jabber Box. Jester. Juvenescence. Jumping-bean.

Open. Optimistic. Overjoyed. Outstanding. Outrageous.

Yellow-sunshiny. Youthful. Yummy. Yakkity-Yak

You are a bright, bubbly bundle of bouncy Joy.
A giggling, glossy, giddy gift of Glee.
A Tiny, tender-hearted, ticket to teasing Trouble.

Thanks for illuminating our family with Smiles. It is impossible to Frown anywhere near your Joy.

Happy Birthday, Twelve.
We love you!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Flashback Friday-ish

Exactly, one year ago, I posted my Bucket List.
(Reference back, Nov. 2009)

And I am proud to have solidly Checked Off Five.
And a Half.

7.) Eat an authentic Cajun Meal in New Orleans.

12.) Finish the Back Bathroom
NO! Coach, that is NOT Checked.

16.) Attend the Oprah Show.
NO! Oprah, Can you Please Hear Me?!

20.) Take my family to the Mountains.

22.) Spend a Full Day With Coco.
Check. Pretty much. And she is cute.

28.) Plant a Vegetable Garden.
Check. It was a success.
And I am going bigger, next year.

35.) Purchase an Awesome Sectional Couch for Family Movie Night.
Check. But now we need a bigger TV.

37.) Teach my Children, the Beatles are/were the Greatest Band Ever.
1 for 3, with The Kid.

I would like The List, to be continually updated with new Far Reaching Ideas, because I am a Happy.GrabbingtheWorldbyBothHand.Go-Lucky Lady.

Five New Dreams/Goals/Ridiculous Ideas....

1.) Actually, Attempt a semi-decent college-try at a Stupid, Stupid 5Mile Run. Blah.
Are you bleepin Happy, Mrs. and Doc??

2.) Remodel My Kitchen.

3.) Spend One Full Coachonly Weekend in Chicago.

4.) Return To New Orleans.
That city was beyond Awesome.

5.) Take our Children on the Train.

See you back here, next Year.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Rockin The Heck out of that Vote...... The Update.

It appears the Referendum has passed
with 52% of the Votes.
Many Congratulations to our Town!

To the other 48%....
I am too thrilled, to pretend to sympathize.

To the Winning 52%....
Looks like you got a whole lot more, of Coach molding the minds of our youth, in your future.

Good luck with that.
It's a sad truth,
our children live with daily.
Join the Club.
We got T-shirts.

We like to make T-shirts.


I will Vote:

*Remember, to get out and Vote.
Do not allow others, to decide your Child's Future.