Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Thursday Evening

Chili D and The Teacher will perform
at The Mansion Patio from 7:00-9:00pm. 
With promises of new songs and (I would assume) a new little back-up dancer named Coco.
At least twice today, random blurbs of rock concerts flashed on the television and BOTH Coco and Tink excitedly exclaimed THEY were attending a rock concert on Thursday! (They're planning outfits.)
Obviously... The Patio is the place to be.

Signed: The Band's Official Publicist.

Side Note-
Technically, I am not officially their publicist, per say.. I have not actually yet been hired.  Nor have they ever mentioned the position in any capacity.  I have never received any type of monetary compensation... it's possible they may actually be annoyed by me... maybe, after Thursday my daughters and I will be on their Do Not Allow Stalker List... but if you want to call me their publicist... go ahead, I don't mind.

Monday, July 30, 2012


Quincy- We are happy...

Happy for every hit you earned this summer.
Happy to be there to cheer for each one.
Happy every time Coco calls you her Faborite Couzin.
Happy she still asks if you are her broder.
Happy every time you stay over night.
Especially happy for the night you both stayed up late, building lego ships on the bathroom counter.
Happy to be present, when you realized you were Spring Breaking in Georgia.
Happy to drive you to so many new States.
More than super Happy to watch you run towards the ocean, with pure child-like joy. Unforgettable.
Happy to watch you jump the waves OVER AND OVER.
Happy to snap this pic, as an adorable surfer.
Happy to hear my salsa was probably almost hot enough for your Ultra Slap Yo Momma Hot Taste Buds... but happy to understand, I still have your permission to make it hotter.
Mostly, we are always too Happy, when you are an extended part of our family memories.
Happy to watch you grow up....
But I can still clearly remember, the first time you grabbed The Kid's hand, to run off and play. Ouch. Tugging at my Heart Strings.
Happy, Happy 11th Birthday Quincy.
We love you, Coco's pretend broda.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Purple People Eater

I was raised in a world of Orange and Black.
To be truthful, I honestly detested the colors.  Who wants to dress like a Halloween Pumpkin every day of their young lives. It's no secret, I am without sweet loving wistful feelings towards my alma mater. Actually I am without wistful feelings for my entire hometown.
With the exception of a few old friends, Avanties and a couple pizza joints... I'm oVer my past.  Unfortunately, Coach's sister REFUSES to join the cool kids and move back home.  (after we win the lottery and purchase her a new house here... she'll have to come back... whenever we start buying tickets...)
Sooo... to add insult to injury, they are raising their adorable children in the land of Purple. Uggghh!! It's like Doc is purposely trying to get under my skin!
Here's the details of the story:
Last year, Doc's Baseball Obsessed eldest Glen Allen, made the BJHS Baseball team.  A seriously BIG DEAL.  But not really a surprise, as his father Clark has been carefully grooming him since birth. (with a little help from his semi competitive mother Doc, whom sometimes participates in sports in a friendly non-threatening, hardly scary manner.)
Then yesterday, after 3 days of tryouts, with 42 Jr High girls... The Kid Nicknamed 'Funniest Cousin Alive': Princess Mona, made the Softball team!!
If you are keeping track. 
That's 1 nephew and now 1 niece, sporting Purple.

Listen closely, for I am only going to say this once:
I suppose... it's kinda possibly.. that just maybe.... I guess... ummmm... uggghhh... cough.. hesitate... voice in a low whisper... that Mona is really rockin that Purple Uniform and I'm secretly super proud she is a Knight.... DON'T TELL ANYONE I SAID THAT!

Quick Question:
When exactly did Princess Mona turn into a totally tall, skinny, posed and beautiful young lady, whom looks like an almost adult??!! Stop Aging!

Mona: if you keep morphing into your Mommy Doc, becoming an awesome hard core softball playin beauty... your Uncle Coach may love you even more!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

There's no Place Like Home.

This afternoon, Sweetbreads and Warhol are purchasing their very first home!! Please send Happy Congrats vibes in their direction.
Take a little advice from a seasoned homeowner: Owning a home is messy, expensive, time consuming, stressful and sometimes just plain dirty.
(Please archive the blog entries referencing our Dark Time known as the Poo in The Crawlspace Fiasco.)
But just like this picture...
If you are able to pick each other up, dust each other off... and above all, always remember to laugh during the worst of it... you will undoubtedly be blessed.

I wish for my friends:
Your hallways are filled with running children.
And maybe (hopefully) the sound of sweet baby coos...
Your kitchen warms with the scent of dinner.
Your living room is graced with movie night snuggles.
Your yard is messy with late night cookouts.
Your carpets stained, your fridge emptied and your belongings accidentally broken from holidays mixed with your large and crazy extended family.
Until every inch of your house, becomes a memory.

Home is Where your Heart is... Literally.
I am confident for the both of you,
there will never be a Tru-er Statement.
Best Wishes.

Practically DNA-like Proof...

Coach is actually her only father.
They appear to be cut from the same cloth:

And technically NO.. Coco does not Co-sleep.
But at about 7:00am every morning, she sure thinks she does. And YES.. that is a passie.
Feel free to NOT comment on the fact she is starting preschool in the Fall and yet still uses a passie.
If you are curious as to where I sleep... you'll notice that tiny 12 inches of unused pillow, right between their armpits... that's my sleeping space.  I'm so lucky and loved, within my bookended armpits.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Not sure this is really Appropriate but it is a Tru Story...

So a month or two ago, Coco started talking about her 'other dad'.  She's decided that she once had 'another dad' but that he died.  She will randomly bring it up and if you try to reason with her... she treats you like an idiot. Dinner time... last night....

Yada, Yada... kids talking, etc...

Coco: ... because I did.. wif my odder dad.

Me: Coco, you don't have another dad.

Coco: Nooo (eye roll) I don have anodder dad NOW cuz he died.

Me: Coco, you've never had another Dad before.  Coach is your only dad.

Coco (annoyed): He's my only dad NOW cuz my odder dad died.  He was killed.

Coach: I am your only dad.  There was no other dad.  Just me.

Coco (slams fork down on table): You are jus my only dad because the odder dad was killed. I had my odder dad before.

Coach: Then what was his name?

Coco (losing her patience): He doesn't HAVE A NAME NOW CUZ HE'S DEAD!!

Me: Calm down.  You do not have a dead dad.

Coach (playing along while pretending to act suspicious of my fidelity..): So did your other dad come to the house?  Did mommy talk to him?  What did your other dad look like?

Coco (totally serious she looks right at Coach and answers): My odder dad was black.

Coach and The Kid (totally lose all control with loud shocked laughter)

Me: Coco!  That's enough.  Be nice.  You did not have another dad.  Coach is your only dad.  You need to stop saying this.
(Coach and The Kid are honestly head on the table hysterically laughing.  Tink is even giggling, while she typically ignores every word Coco says.)

Coco: Mom... I know, I don have another dad NOW because he's dead.
(And just like that... she continues eating.)

Seriously... where does she come up with this stuff!?
I can not begin to imagine the embarrassment she will bring to our family, when she starts school in August. (and we hardly have any shame to start with.)

Friday, July 20, 2012


The 'Baby' did jump again... and again. Fearless.

No. Tink did not.
But she sure looks cool in shades.
And really... isn't that all that matters??

All 3 kids passed their Level of lessons.
So I'm not complaining.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Swimming Lessons Sista Style

Swim Lessons 2012. Yep, it's been hot.  Yes, Mrs and I spend nearly 2 hrs a day complaining about sweat and wondering out loud when we first began spending so much time discussing sweat.  (I think it was New Orleans 2011). Of course, Coach shows up sporadically and complains about his long running feud with the Sun... All per usual, swim lessons in July behavior.
But 2012 will forever be remembered as the Year of the Will She Won't She Diving Board debate. Coach's People are not inherently swimmers, by nature.  Sure... they will casually dip in a 4 foot pool, with a drink, on a perfectly warm 83 degree day, with no need to ever totally submerge their head.  But actual real life swimming?? Not really their bag.  And Tink is totally On Board with this tradition.
Except Tink is also SUPER competitive.
And the inner debate regarding her total HATE of face in water vs not having the guts to jump... well, frankly it's keepin the girl up at night.
REPEATEDLY for two weeks, Tink has growled, stomped her foot, narrowed her eyes and marched out on to the board.  'marched' defined as gently tiptoeing out on the low dive.

And then... she assesses the situation.

Assumes her triangle to nose stance, while her little brain tries desperately to convince her legs to 'Just go for it'... her new motto while safely in van, driving to swim lessons...

Followed by an adorable shoulder shrug.

Last, fist to chin 'ummmm... maybe not today'.

Now... My People, are swimmers.  The scent of chlorine on skin is my Fav.  I am actively encouraging my children to become little fish.  And Coco, is my girl.
Since the days of The Kid, the reward for going off the diving board all by yourself, is a private dinner date with mom and dad.  Coco did not need any convincing.
The first day, she sauntered onto the board, with a quick smile over shoulder photo opp.

She curled her toes around the end, and bent her body/rolled off the board. Hands clapping excitement!!

Coco, do you want to go again?? Yes sir.

By next day.. Leaping off.

And then leaping more, with dramatic flair.

The next day for Tink??
Safely doggie paddling in 6 inches of baby pool (pee) water, with her goggles in place.

Coco (her Dad) chose Chilis for her special date night. 

Several attempts more, an annoyed Big Sista still has not jumped.  I encouraged "Tink, I really want you to jump!  I'd love to take you on a dinner date tonight!"
Tink (shoulder shrug):
 Dat's ok.  Just bring me back something.

Tomorrow is the last day of lessons... so we'll see.  Maybe don't hold your breath. I apologize for the lack of The Kid swimming pics but it's sorta hard to snap his picture while he dives deep under water to retrieve bricks.  Trust me: He's one of My People.

'My People' phrase recently stolen from The General whom uses the phrase/excuse to blame him and Coach's Irish heritage for the hatred of everything very hot and sunny.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Coach's Caption

The Mrs snapped this picture while we spent a too long day at The Pool. She posted the picture on Facebook.  Much later in the evening, I saw the post and showed it to Coach.  First he laughed at how adorable and cute his daughters always are... then he said:

"Tink looks like a Baby Vampire.  Like they both just drained the blood from a chocolate person." -Coach

He makes a great point.
Also... we watch Tru Blood.
All. The. Time.
Team Erik fo Life.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Monday Mug Shot Moment

Ummm... I'm not really sure...
but it sorta feels like I've seen this face before.
I can't really place why this expression looks familiar.
Grammy... Poppop.... does it maybe feel like you've seen this face somewhere?? I'm just having the most awful time trying to place it... Weird.

"Don't Call it a Comeback!"

"I been here for years..."
Ok... Tru Stories has been extra lame lately.  We've been super summer busy and I'm barely able to find the time to download, edit etc the pictures necessary to keep this mind blowing blog info updated.  People ALL OVER THE WORLD have anxiously been awaiting these Slam Dunk pictures.  I'm really not sure how you all have been comfortably able to fall asleep at night, with a clear mind.
Sooo.... I'm Back. 10 Posts in 10 days.
I can't promise they'll all be winners.. but I'll try.

(The Dunkers... lookin hard core. Obviously.)

The Commish



Coach... whom was not this year's Official Winner, though he absolutely had the most impressive dunk of the event.  But sometimes the judges get tired of fancy smancy and are just lookin for a solid score.

The winner: Jumbo Joe. I didn't actually get a pic of his dunk but there is NOTHING cuter than brothers assisting a dunk.  Maybe the older generation should take note.

Now.... For several years running, Clark has been a pretty big loser. Which has likely been tough to swallow in his home: where his wife is certainly NO loser. Clark did not win the contest (he placed second) but he easily takes the prize for Most Amazing Creativity. Yes: his dunk over his very frightened child was impressive but not the dunk which landed his distinguished prize.
Prior to the event, Doc and Clark took his picture (in costume) and printed little sticky face pics of himself.

First dunk, first round: Clark plastered his face on the board. Where it stayed the entire contest.
Pause, while you review the above pics.
One Word: Awesome.
The participates better Bring It next year.
Nicely played Clark.

Friday, July 6, 2012

I'm with the Band...

Well... sorta.  I mean I can't sing, or play an instrument.. I'm not their manager, I guess this post sorta makes me like their publicist...
Chili D and The Teacher have formed a band.  And it's not like other small town people, with nothin better to do, who look at each other one night over a few drinks and say "Hey... I think I can sing" and then "Hey... I think I can play a guitar".
These two actually CAN sing and play guitar!
Last week, the band played two sets at The Boondocks and they were amazing!  Random strange people in the crowd were recording them on their phones (I'm not iPhone savvy but I'm unsure what one does with video of strangers singing on your phone... unless they were secret Nashville Record label spies.)

They were so awesome, people were tipping $10s and $20s.... but some guys needed to make change in the tip jar... Warhol's gotta feed his kids and stuff.

If The Teacher and Chili D weren't cool enough, turns out Sweetbreads can sing (of course she bleepin can... she just keeps getting more awesome... oh she can sing AND paint AND have great hair AND get raises while napping AND funny AND do yoga... I can't tell you how much a sista-in-law can't wait for THAT girl to join the family and make the rest of us look like old untalented dog s$$>... Anyway...)

Two cute girls. I coulda sang if I wanted but it was really more important that I sit at the picnic table. Somebody's got too...

So as the Official Publicist:
Please come see The Band,
Tonight at the Boondocks 7:00pm or
Thursday at The Mansion Patio tentative Aug 2nd.
As of Yet, The Band is currently without a name.
Here are a list of my suggestions:
Teachin Chili D
The LC
A Bucket of Merlot
On Land (Play on names)
Wrigley's Puss (It's for their pets, perverts!)
A Guy and A Girl
Cats and Dogs

* If you would like to book The Band, please contact Flag Girl at : 1-800-She'snotgonnaanswer-cuzshe'stoobusysmilinatherrockstarboyfriend.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Provin My Point Part 2

On the previous post, I mentioned how Coach seems to be extra cute and happy when taking pictures with any other woman than his wife... here is photographic evidence. Some of the pics are oldies but they prove the point perfectly.
(All dialog taking place in the captions, are direct unaltered quotes from inside Coach's head.)

 (I am SO HAPPY right now.  Angie is the cutest dance partner EVA.  This is the most fun of my LIFE!!)

 (Look at all the lady friends I have.  We love to hug each other.  We are the three best friends that anyone could have.  I love Smiling.)

 (I'm even super cute when I take pics with my sista.  I don't even mean to be this cute and still I'm so handsome, I can't turn it off.)

 (I'm not sure I even know who these ladies are... and yet I am totally gorgous!  They can not keep their hands off of me.  I'm irressitable.)

 (Look at me with Jill.  I am practically doing a full backbend so we can shoot this cute picture together.  I can't get my face close enough to her.  She's super lucky to be so near my handsomeness.)

(Again... my besties.  It's like my smile could not be bigger.  I am REALLY smiling because I am SOO happy to not stand next to be dweebie wife.)

(Look how cute me and Sweetbreads are... I am totally adorable in yellow.  I should wear more pastels... they just make me even sweeter.)

(Again.. sooooo cute with my sistas.  Could our eyes be more beautiful??  My eyes are so blue, it's like they were made to be photographed. Thanks mommy for my awesome blue as the sky eyes.)

And Now....
Driving my point home:

 (Does this smile look real?  Does it even look like I am happy about my wedding annv? Am I showing my teeth? Is this pic over yet?)

 (Why is she hugging me? My face sorta hurts.  I wish she wasn't so close...)

(Concentrate on smiling... try to smile... try to look normal... is this smile weird?  Are my shoulders too high?  What's happening..?) 

(Ummmm.... I'm bored.) 

(Maybe if I try to look like a pirate, that will look better?  And if I smash her face extra hard, she might think I like her...) 

(What?? I have to squeeze next to her back?  My body is weird.  I don't know what to do with my arms.... is it normal for a smile to actually physically hurt a person's face?? I totally wish I was dancing with Angie instead of sitting next to my lame family.)

And... so there you have it.
You heard the quotes directly from the horse's mouth.
He's a butt.
Additional Note: I only save the Good digital pictures to my computer... so the above pics of Coach and I are considered his Good pictures.  Just sayin...