Thursday, June 30, 2011

Blue Crush.

Coco: Man, I am totally buggin.
These waves are mush.

St. Patrick: Dude, I hear that. It's glass out here.

Coco: Let's see if we can catch something... we ain't lookin to be no shubies. Let's hop on these sticks.

Coco: Dang.. you're a total paddlepuss.

St. Patrick: Don't hate!
My board is being seriously raked over.

Coco: I'm about to turtle roll this mother out! The swells are gnarly. Can't you catch anything??

St. Patrick: Lay off! I'm totally noodled from hangin ten at Pipeline this weekend.

St. Patrick: Mom! Coco's scammin all the killer waves. She's workin my head and now I'm all clucked out.

Coco: Sorry to be a heavy man... but I'm amped. I'm hitting these hollows hard. I've been working my core and it's really paying forward, my balance is totally sick! It's epic out here...

Obviously, we are VERY far from an actual ocean.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Why isn't Your Tail-light Taped??

It was mentioned late Saturday evening, that it was maybe time to find a higher class of friends. Not a moment too soon, we got the offer for Front Row Dugout tickets to Tuesday's Cubs game... and just like that, we were livin the high-life.
We began our day with a quaint little breakfast for four and hopped in the car (sans snakes) for Chicago. What felt like hours later (I Heart IL road Construction) we were escorted to our fancy-smancy seats.
(picture the moment in Wayne's World, where they repeatedly flash their back-stage passes. If possible, Coach and I probably behaved even dorkier, as we held our 'Row 1' tix out in front of us.)

The weather was perfect... the day was beautiful... the Ivy was bright green... the Cubbies won...
(uhhh, just seeing if you were paying attention....)

While in N'Orleans, I had befriended several celebrities (Holla Back Jonah Hill and Alexis Whatshername...) Obviously, word has gotten around Hollywood of my charms, because... we were sitting just a few seats away from an almost unrecognizable John Cusack, as he celebrated his birthday.
John and I shared a moment, as I shouted his name and he double-gun-shake-finger pointed me. He was just about to give me his number (to get a piece of the funny texts me and Jonah share) when The Tool next to me shouted, "Con-Air Sucks". I was seriously annoyed, because anyone with TNT or TBS is aware, that is a totally false statement.

The game ended, with the customary 'Big W'
(still paying attention...?) and we headed to The Stretch for a bite. Ditta got a taste of 'Childless Couples in Chicago' and did not want his evening to end. We strolled a bit, browsed various stores, Ditta (infamously a White Sox fan) purchased a Cubs shirt for His Wife. Gasp!!!
(And you thought you were 'Over Me' General?!)

As we strolled back, after our long Fancy Day, we snapped one last picture in front of the Holy Grounds. But Wait!!.... Ditta was Still.Not.Done!!
"Let's go over to the beach and grab a drink and watch the sunset..." That's the kind of statement Lincoln-driving folk say. No stops at the gas station for groceries. No driving in vehicles with flames and/or scissors on the back. Higher class couples close their day, strolling along the damp sand.
(Ditta was unable to convert Coach, who remained on the sidewalk, toe-sies safely tucked in his Twos.)

Thanks for a great day, Dittas.
But it was sorta weird without the obligatory evening-ending chat with County....

Monday, June 27, 2011

Coach and His Daughter....:

have just a bit more in common,
than their amazing blue eyes.

This past weekend, Coach's softball team, played in his favorite Summer Softball Tournament. Saturday evening, his team was scheduled to play 3 games. Coach was pumped about it ALL day. THREE games?? Ferget about the excitement!
Unfortunately, his team lost in the first game.
Coach likes to win. That is no secret.
But in the event of a loss, Coach never loses his temper. He never swears or blames others. He never tosses a glove into the dugout, he barely even deeps sighs. He is honestly, seriously... the best sport, I have ever met. After this particular loss, he calmly walked over to me and sat down. I tried chatting him up but he was quiet and sorta bummed.
After a few minutes of my attempting polite conversation, I finally said...

"Ohhh, poor Tink. Are you super bummed because the other kids got out of the van faster than you???"

Comparing him to his overly competitive daughter (who absolutely cannot be the last out of ANYTHING in this house)??? That made him smile. He was able to re-group. We called the most trouble making couples we know... and we had ourselves a nice little evening.
Little Bed, Bath and Beyond...
Some snake wrangling and Garage hopping.
Who even needs Softball??

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Week-end in Pictures 1

Summer Evenings.....

Can we have S'more...???

Week-end in Pictures 2

First we threw all our groceries out the window...

and then, we had to lose the Snake.

Huge Bummer.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Going to The Carnival: Check.

Immediately, right out da Gate, we confronted a problem. (Actually, the Second problem, following the NOT cheap purchase of 6 wristbands.)
Being a Tiny Tinkerbell is super cute. Having a Tiny Tinkerbell for a daughter is super sweet. But being a Tiny Tinkerbell, at the carnival with height limits for most rides, is a super bummer.

As the other cousins, ran off to more amazing rides. Poor Tink, suffered through one 'baby ride' after another, with her 'baby sista'. Behaving as the Lead Driver pacified Tink at first but after the third ride....

... Tink was bored and slightly annoyed.

Gradually, as the night wore on, most (not all) of the Carnie's became more lax with those 3 crucial inches, and let Tink on more exciting rides... as long as she was accompanied by her 'older sister'. (aka any older girl cousin, she stood next too.) Tink was much more happy... Coco, not so much.

Coach and Six, immediately following the Scariest Ride 'The Ring of Fire'. Coach's cheeks are still cramped from hysterically laughing at Six's extreme fear and near crying. Coach is a very loving Uncle.

The Kid and Six. Best Buds.

A Whole Bunch of Girl Cousins.

The Airplane Ride. This particular attraction was frequented by our group, no less than 27 times. Sweetbreads and I agreed, if the Official Carnival Engineers had placed a bench nearby, those kids could have hung there 'til the planes actually took off.

Best Moments of the Night:

Number One:
Little Blondie (Cousin Number Eight) took Coco up to the GIANT slide. I whisper to Sweetbreads "I hope Eight doesn't accidentally let go of Coco, while she situates herself on the towel...." Moments later, I witness Eight place Coco on her towel and THEN two handed SHOVE my Baby in the back, sending her catapulting at top speed down the slide, ALONE on her back...then on her side...then sorta backwards... while I was left unable to breathe for the longest 7 seconds of my life. Thankfully, Coco did not break her neck and loved it. My kids crave the Danger.

Number Two:
A Text Conversation between Mrs. and I, after we had gotten separated....

Me: We are leaving. Finally.

Mrs: Seriously. We are shutting this Mother down. My kids are high on life, right now.

I never heard back from Mrs.
For all I know, those ladies witnessed a beautiful scenic sun rise from atop The Ferris Wheel, this morning.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Grab Yer Best Tube Top and Dig up der Savins from da yard...

Cuz tonight, we's headed to da Carnie...
It's Wristband night!
Nothin says SummerFun like catching a Staff Infection!
A Reminder of a few Age Old Questions.

1. Why does a Carnival always bring out A Particular Class (WT) of people?

2. How did they come to the conclusion, that was really the most appropriate outfit to wear in a public gathering with children present?

3. Are they hiding somewhere in a group, the other 10 months of the year?

4. Are they aware, the Radio Flyer Wagon, was not actually advertised to carry:
1 child
2 dirty Dog/Mutts
1 carton of Camel Smokes
3 opened PBR's

5. How in the heck, are they even able to afford a night at the Carnival? We'll drop $75 in two hours, on Ride Tickets and Snacks. Do they spend the calender year, saving their pennies, by pinching on:

A.) All forms of Dental Hygiene
B.) Current Hair Maintenance/Upkeep (If you are naturally a dark brunette, yet desire to be blond, please commit to the monthly touch-up)
C.) Properly Fitted Clothing
D.) The purchase of any Self-Help Book outlining Acceptable Etiquette for Polite Society as NOT:
-Growling swear words in the presence of children.
-Blowing smoke wherever you may please.
-Parking yourself smack in the middle of anything.
-Walking the fair grounds with your hand in the back pocket of yer boyfriend's jeans.
-Taking your Carnival Game Prize work of felt art home and hanging said picture in your living room.

Please feel free to answer.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Taking a Quick Poll:

How many more times, during this Summer Vacation, will I say (yell) to my son...?

"Will you PLEASE just sit down, Chill Out and stop annoying your sisters?!!!"

I'm gonna guess,
at least six or seven more times just today alone.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Two Days Later.

1 StretchTastic Yoga Class.
1 Unsuccessful call to The Warrior Dash promoters to urge/convince them, Coach's given name is NOT Justin and we would appreciate a Results update.
2 Slow Walks.
2 Applications of Neosporin to scraped knee.
20 minutes scrubbing the bottom of Shower on hands and the unscratched knee.
2 loads of laundry.
4 Showers.
A removal and subsequent repaint of toe and finger nails, to dig out the last bit of dirt.

I have nearly completely erased the lasting effects of the Warrior Dash. Except this little Nugget:
While viewing the pictures with Tink.

Tink: Why do you haf all that mud?!!
Me: I ran (slow jogged) in a race.
Tink: Did you Winned?
Me: Well, there were lots of people.
Tink: But did you winned?
Me: I finished and I did all the obstacles!
Tink (eyeroll): But did you WINNED?
Me: Well, no.
Tink: Ugh! Why didn't you winned??
Me: I beat Akenna's Daddy!
Tink: I really think you needed to winned. I don't like for you to be the loser.
Me (one part feeling worthless and one part HATING my husband's daughter): Sorry, to disappoint.

General, this should help you warm back up to me. I now, understand how it feels to have a Snotty Girl, take the wind out of your sails.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Warrior Dash: Eye of the Tiger.

After an extremely hectic morning, which included a freak vomiting session from Coco, I was exhausted before setting out for our Warrior Adventure. Due to our inexperience and poor registering, we did not follow the suggested Car-pooling rule. Which did not help my increasing Neeerrrrvousss-ness. I rarely feel nervous, but my repeated views of the ever changing Obstacle Map, became a serious issue on Friday.... (Maybe you noticed, from the previous blog post.) and they peaked Saturday at 1:50pm, when we witnessed a stretcher leading a participant off the course and into an ambulance. At which point I declared,
"I can't do this... I am in over my head."
Locating our group, did nothing to calm me.
Even the young spectators were focused and intense!!

Clark and Doc were the first to race. I cheered on their finish but began shaking as I noticed Doc (aka The Sports Chick) looking beat, while digging thru the mud.
Me (voice cracking): How was it???
Doc: It was fun... but REALLY hard.
Me (nearly fainting): Ohhh, I shouldn't be here.

I tried flashing my new sweet Tat (courtesy of Warhol and a Sharpie) to appear confident.
But I was fooling no one. Especially, not myself.

Flag Girl, Chili and Three looked tough. Sorta like a rainbow of head scrunchies and colorful awesomeness inspiring T-shirts. They were focused and ready.

Photographic Proof of the Final Three Obstacles.
In Obstacle order... NOT in Competitors Order.
(not to offend those who were quicker than others....)

1. The Commish. Crossing over the last of MANY cargo net/rope Climbing Obstacles.

2. Doc, just having killed the SECOND fire jump. (nobody had mentioned TWO fire jumps.)

3. Doc, then Me, Ditta and Flag Girl. Crawling in the Mud pit, under Barbed Wire. Coach liked to refer to this portion, as the Giant Mud Milkshake.

Immediately upon finishing, we all had a moment of disgust, confusion, maybe a little anger towards The Mrs... but then slowly... we all started to smile.
Almost like, we kinda enjoyed ourselves... Weird.

The only person NOT smiling in my direction??
This man.

We decided Friday afternoon, The General would be my Running (Jogging) Buddy. I was nervous and he was ummm 'unprepared'?? We swore to stick together. Partners. Teammates. We started slow, shared some solid moments. Laughs at others expense. We held hands over the creeks. We celebrated small victories, declaring each person we passed to be a 'huge loser that we had just shown a lesson too'. Times were good. But somewhere around the water break/Hill from Hell, we drifted apart. I don't know, it just wasn't there anymore....
We got to the Game Changing Obstacle:
The Giant Rope Wall Up turned 2x4 Ladder Down.
This was the obstacle I had most feared. I have notoriously weak arms and fears of grade school PE rope climb, still haunt me. Except, I scaled that Obstacle like a champ, climbed over and down. And then the winds, of every Greek Athletic God, flew at my back. I 'Just kept Running....' (jogging).
Ummm, except, I was running away from my partner.
I met his gaze. I shouted "I just can't stop!!"
He did not cheer me on. He growled and sorta glared.
I left my man. My partner.
I should feel remorse. Regret. Maybe even ashamed.
I just want to ask The General this:

"Can you ever forgive me? AND... how was the view of my back, as I left you in my dust?"

In Conclusion.
I CAN NOT believe I just did that.
And yes, I would do it again.
(If we all register for the early-bird rate and carpool. Because that was not, an inexpensive accomplishment, by any means.)
Congratulations to all our Warriors!!
Love you guys and our stupid ideas!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Well...... I did it!!

And I can not believe what I am about to type:

But..."I would do it again."

Details and MANY pics, to follow....

Friday, June 17, 2011

Preppin for the BEST day Eva!

Do you know what sounds like an AMAZING idea?? How about... a group of people, make a major decision, after an evening at The Pub II? A really ridiculous decision, like signing up for a Nationally publicized Warrior Dash.
Did I recently, get my pride handed to me, by my 9 year old during a 5k? Sure did. And yet...
I am totally, enthusiastically pumped!

Obviously, at first glance, this photo resembles me. I can NOT get enough of racing around in mud under barbed wire. OF COURSE, I seriously Heart running. That much is Tru. I've written often and lengthy posts, about the extreme runners high I experience thrice weekly. 4 times, if I am lucky.

Adding 10 insane obstacles, sounds even more amazing! Climbing ropes, jumping fire, scaling walls... Fun, Fun and More Fun. I am a long time lover of Extreme Sports, everybody knows that. Mountain climbing, hiking the Artic....etc. Lobe it all!!

And my zest for competition? Can't get enough. I can't tell you, how many times, I dare Coach to race me to the end of the block, for kicks. Just yesterday, we timed to see who could climb 3 trees the fastest. Obviously, I won by several minutes.

AND let's talk about the crowd of 13,000 people. Totally Good Times! What could be more fun, than running 3.28 miles??? Running those long hill-packed miles with five hundred and fifty (per heat) of your closest friends. Being elbowed, trampled and ridiculed by a pack of over-zealous jocks, jacked on adrenaline and wearing Medevil costumes?? Bring it. Never had a nightmare about that! No sir.

THEN> for $hits and giggles, let's add several severe Thunderstorms into the forecast! Because the only thing more exciting than climbing over a 30 ft wall, would be if it were wet, slippery and combined with the threat of electrocution via lightening bolts! Awesome.

Viewing the Warrior pictures, on Facebook, totally did not make my hands shake and my belly flip. I mean.... it flipped hard-core over the excitement of Tearing that Warrior course a new one! I have randomly and repeatedly burst-out this morning, in a pumped growl of victory! Especially, when I discovered the outstanding news, that they have ADDED and Changed several of the obstacles. Great! I was secretly hoping, they would make the event more difficult and LONGER.

A wooden arch, with open slates, to climb over and then down? Tremendous! I definitely have NOT had a life-long secret irrational fear of failing down or into wooden bleachers. Following the previous two thousand people, who have left the obstacles muddy, makes the challenge EVEN MORE heart-pumpingly awesome. Crushing my shin bones... sounds like the perfect Saturday afternoon.

Now, if we could only climb over rusty broken-down cars (fingers crossed my night will end with a totally wild late visit to the ER for a tetanus shot) and then.... jumping OVER fire. Man, I do love jumping. AND... I really love fire. Super cool stuff.

After I have shattered Coach's time, by a minimum 30 minutes... I will wait for him, by first being hosed off by a group of men and THEN eating my complimentary Turkey leg and cup of beer. Because if there is nothing I love more than jumping fire... it's gnawing meat off a bone. While washing it down with a warm, outside beer. Not to mention, I am totally the kind of girl who digs being hosed off by strangers, with cold river water. Can you imagine the affectionately bright smile, I will save for those (F##$*rs) guys?!
Could this day GET ANY BETTER??!!

Who's psyched????
This girl!
Tomorrow CAN NOT come fast enough!
Fingers crossed it is 87 degrees and Humid.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

New Orleans Vacay Part Three...: 'Smiling is My Favorite'

when you take 8 awesome people
(who find each other totally hilarious!)
Lose their combined eleven kids to Grandmothers.
Drop those 8 peeps in a colorful and exciting location.

Add a little dehydration, due to back sweat.
Quenched by 3 for 1 specials....

You may end up with some pretty smiley faces.
And a few broken laws....
Sorry Bragelina's place.
(Looks like the brothers are Team Aniston.)

(Picture is for props! They did not actually pee on Brad Pitt's home. Clarifying, for his production company!)

(Above, the brothers are imitating each other. Later, Coach was sorta confused, why Warhol pulled out the 'Aw Shucks' arm. What's that about?)

Keepin It Real Segment:
Poor Clark, came down with a bit of a stomach bug. Causing him to spend the majority of 24 hours in his hotel room. As you can imagine, Bourbon Street is not conducive to 'resting'. Stomach Bugs and Lack of Clark time, does not make us smiley.
Thankfully, he bounced back like a Champ.

Dear Siblings:
You guys are sorta awesome.
You are super funny, ridiculously attractive
and totally lovin-life kind of people.
Also, you seem to be pretty good at choosing a significant other. Because this trip was amazing.
Where to next, Chili??

Good Times Family...... Good Times.