This Quote's for You!

This afternoon, my mother will quietly (well... not so quietly) open the doors to her brand new Candy Shop!  I just wanted to send her a little morning inspiration from one of her favorite people... (Hey Mom, remember that one time Oprah called me???!)

 Wise words from Oprah Winfrey:

 

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.- Oprah Winfrey

 

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.- Oprah Winfrey

 

 Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.- Oprah Winfrey

 The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.- Oprah Winfrey

 I am a woman in process. I'm just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull.
- Oprah Winfrey

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.- Oprah Winfrey

Good luck mom!!
Own it!  Now....
Try to remember:

I don't believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.- Oprah Winfrey

The Times They are a Changin..

For a Hump Day, yesterday was a pretty amazing Wednesday. Full of monumental moments and a couple cute pictures.

First:
Tink walked down a church aisle in a beautiful dress.
(Wonder how often, I will type that sentence.)
She 'graduated' preschool. And by 'graduated' I mean she finished one year of preschool and still has one more year, in the exact same preschool. Nothing like gathering to celebrate, an occasion which signifies accomplishing not much. But she sure is pretty....



I wish, we could remain blissfully ignorant to the 25 minutes I spent scrubbing her upper chest with rubbing alcohol, scrapping off skin and FINALLY the fake Tinkerbell tattoo Grammy placed on her ten days ago. Safely insuring at least 3-4 future therapy sessions, recalling this Mommy Dearest-like moment.

Next we held a nearly private Birthday Yoga, thanks to Tornado threat. Making Sweetbreads one year older but probably not any wiser.



And last, The Oprah Winfrey show ended. No... I am not falling into a depression, or worked into a tizzy. I am a realistic person. Oprah is not really my friend. I have not religiously followed her every political or personal move/suggestion with baited breath.
The fact was simply this:
Watching most of the shows, over the last 25 years, made me happy. From cute celebrities or informing decisions on my health. For the most part,
I just simply liked to watch her show.



As I watched the final episode, I was definitely melancholy. I was not feeling the Lame-Housewife loss of Oprah. I felt a little sad, thinking of my mom.
We began watching the show in the late afternoons. I was a child and would be wandering in and out of the room. Later, the show was the background to our 'what did I do in school today' talks. More recently, we would chat about the show over the phone... as I moved to an apartment blocks away, or 2 time zones away, or into a home (again just blocks away) and finally to a home an hour away. Yesterday,
I felt the loss of one sentence:
"Did you watch Oprah today??"

As life gave us heartache, joy, children, illness, dramatic ups and downs... Oprah was just something nice to watch. (I will never forget, the VERY long hour of Tink's labor, spent watching Oprah and Gayle's Cross Country Adventure, as the Anesthesiologist finished in surgery before administrating my epidural.)

Mostly, I will never forget The Oprah Show, gifted my mom and I, our Ultimate Mother/Daughter Surprise Chicago Adventure of a Lifetime.
Mom-
Do you remember that time, we breathed the same air, as Julia Roberts, Tom Hanks and Oprah??
That, really did happen! It's still "Unbelievable!"

So.... thanks busy Wednesday.
My full life, absolutely satisfies.

So maybe you've Heard.....

I went to the Oprah Winfrey Show on Wednesday.
Starring the beautiful Julia Roberts, the hilarious Tom Hanks and hosted by OPRAH WINFREY!! It was indescribably amazing. I can hardly put the dream-like experience into words... but I am sure gonna try.
We arrived to the studio, around 6:30am. We spent the next 2 hrs in lines, while our bags and coats were checked. Time, simultaneously stood still and flew by in a blur. We were buzzing with the excitement, of momentarily sharing the same air-space with my three Most Fav celebrities EvA.



It would be impossible, to properly describe how badly I wanted to attend the Oprah show. (...maybe, you had noticed from previous posts) Or to express, how much I Heart the Heck out of Julia Roberts. Finally, how Tom Hanks has delighted me since 'Splash'.
(as a young girl with long hair, a pool and a love for swimming... I was convinced, I was a mermaid.)



The Hour and 30 minutes, spent within the Studio, was beyond explanation. I tried to calmly absorb everything... mentally locking the moment in my mind, with video-like detail. Except... I was smiling and smiling and more smiling. I tried to behave calmly but imagined my appearance resembling a teenage girl meeting Justin Beiber. This is what I remember:

1. The studio, is actually very small. It feels intimate. The set was bright and the energy electric.
2. I saw several employees from Oprah Behind the Scenes. I may have waved at one as she passed... and she may have looked confused, as if expecting she must know me, since I had waved like an idiot.
3. Oprah: Is beautiful. Much thinner in person. Her dress was lovely. She walked on stage barefoot. Andre (her hairdresser, for those unaware) was nearby to primp. She seems very real and relaxed. She was kind and gracious to the audience. Speaking to us (Me... I felt like maybe she was talking to me...) several times.
4. Julia: She is everything you imagine. Tall, thin, perfectly dressed. Her hair was shinetastic. She laughed, her amazing laugh, several times. During commercial break, I almost blurted "Julia!! Be my Friend!!" I could feel the outburst, nearly escape my throat but was too nervous to rock the dream-boat, I was floating on.
5. Tom Hanks: He is attractive and SO VERY witty.
All three were exactly as I had hoped and more.
6. As you now know, Julia presented the crowd, with her Favorite Things. What you have witnessed on the Christmas show or even on Saturday Night Live, is EXACTLY how it played out. People lose their minds!! (Especially, my mother. I had to unlock her pit-bull grip, from my arm.) The anticipation, of what may be hiding under those presents, was more mind-numbing than unveiling the gender of your new baby!
7. Behind the Scenes/Commercial Breaks: Amazing!! Chatting together, getting stage directions, interacting with the crowd. It is the icing on the too-rich cake!



Final Assessment, On a Scale of One to Ten:

* Going to the Oprah Show: A Ten (right out the gate)
* Being invited to the Private Night-Before Screening (which I have ALWAYS been envious of...): A Fourteen
* Having Julia Roberts as the Guest: A Twenty-Four
* ALSO having Tom Hanks: A Thirty-Two
* Having Julia gift her Favorite Things: A Thirty-Nine
* Having the taping, be one of the last six shows, ever taped in the Harpo Studio: A Forty-Three

Conclusion: Attending this show, with all of it's perks and fireworks, was easily a 43 out of 10. An even better experience, than I could have imagined.

"God can dream a bigger dream for you, then you could ever dream for yourself." -An Oprah Quote



The only 3 things, I would have changed/included:

1. A hug from Oprah.
2. A hug from Julia.
3. There was an enveloped hidden under our seats (with a beautiful note to commemorate Julia's Favorite Things). I wish, the envelope included tickets for the 'United Center Spectacular'.(not because I greedily need more Oprah) but because I would have LOVED to share this experience with more of my ladies. (whatdoya say Oprah, now that we are Buds? A few more tix, for old times sake? I have very Oprah-enthusiastic girlfriends!)

It was a day I will NEVER forget.
Thank-you, Oprah Winfrey Show and
especially, the staff member who chose me.
I am forever grateful.

Unbelievable! (Part One...)

1:59pm Tuesday, May 3rd:
I am comfy in sweats, preparing to take a short quiet nap. The phone rings. I'm annoyed. I grab the phone and check Caller ID. It reads 'Harpo Inc.' Almost immediately, my hands begin to shake and I answer the phone, as calmly as possible.

Me: Hello?

Harpo: Hi, this is 'someone' at The Oprah Winfrey Show. Is this 'insert my name'?

Me (calm): Umm, yeeessss.

Harpo: Hi. How are you this afternoon?

Me: I think, I am about to throw up.

Harpo: No! Don't throw up! I am calling because I read your link, how Julia Roberts would be your Dream Guest for Oprah. (Blog Link Dtd. March 29th) It just so happens, we are having Julia on our show tomorrow and would like to offer you a last minute ticket.
Are you available?

Me: Yes. Absolutely!

Harpo: Great! I have sent you an email with the details. We are also holding a private screening this evening, for her new movie with Tom Hanks called 'Larry Crowne' and Tom Hanks will be on the show as well, tomorrow. I know this is last minute but can you make it for the screening this evening?

Me: I can't breathe.

Harpo (laughing at what a ridiculous idiot I am):
You have to breathe!

Me: Yes. I can make that.

Harpo: And.... would you like to bring a guest?

Me: Yes. My mom.....

And then it began. We spoke for another 5 minutes, though I couldn't tell you what was said. When we hung up, I checked the detailed notes I had taken, while she was giving me the life-changing information....

(Seriously. That's all I wrote down.)

I check my email. Re-check my caller ID. Confirm, I had not been dreaming the past 7 minutes and quickly type up the previous blog entry. I then dial my mom at work. Tell her to check the blog because 'I had just posted the CUTEST pics of the girls" I wait, until she quietly said "Are you serious?" and at that moment:
I totally lost my $hit.

The next 17 hours, were a blur.
I call people. I walk in confused circles. I need a shower but can't find my bathroom. I think, Gramma stopped by. Flag girl was there. Someone took my kids, I really have no idea. I cry. I curse my closet (WHY didn't I shop, JUST IN CASE!) I cry. I yanked a suitcase and randomly throw mismatched clothes inside. I grab phone chargers, earrings, camera, my kids' ultrasound pics, maybe baseballs... I don't KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!! My limbs feel disconnected from my body. I'm dizzy. Coach kept calling. I cry again.

4:20pm: Grammy and I jump into the car.



We are compulsively talking. I easily screeched "This is UNBELIEVABLE" a minimum 374 times. I called the Mrs and left the following on her voicemail:
"Hi. I just wanted to let you know, this is what my voice sounds like as I am driving to the Oprah Show." We realized we had nowhere to sleep. I text Chili, he traveling-agents it, like a pro. Grammy almost runs a car off the highway. We call more people. We get to Chicago. We are sorta lost, as we look for the theatre (you know... for the PRIVATE screening, of a movie NOT released nationwide until July 1st!!) Grammy may have driven the wrong way, down a MAJOR one way street. Then we find the theatre.
Snotty rich people waiting in our movie line, are bored with the Regularness of attending Oprah. I am shaking and smiling like a stoned-lunatic. The Oprah Show provides free Soda and Popcorn. The movie is cute. Next, to the hotel, for barely 4 hrs of sleep. Alarm is off at 4:50am. Rush to get ready. In Taxi by 6:20am.
Harpo Studios, minutes later.

I will save Part 2 for Friday afternoon.
I WILL say....
Oprah, Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts.... "My Australia".
It was amazing. I did not meet or become besties with anyone. But there were GREAT surprises.
(No trips or cars.)
Check back Friday afternoon. For my final recap.
(The Show airs on Friday, May 6th.)

For now, exactly 24 hours later, I am crashing off a high, as extreme as (ummm... maybe heroin??? Idk..I'm not actually an experienced drug user.) Honestly, one of the VERY best days of my life.
Seriously, WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!??
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

And Dear Bucket List-
You are officially, one HUGE spot EMPTY!!

This is NOT a Joke....

Dear Mom-

If you are not too busy....

The Oprah Winfrey Show just called me.
They have awarded me TWO tickets for tomorrow's show, after reading my letter.

The Show is starring Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.
We can leave tonight, to privately view their brand new movie and then we need to be at the Harpo Studio by 7:00am tomorrow morning, for the taping.

Soooo...
Wanna go???

The very last day...

to submit a request for Oprah Winfrey Tickets, is upon us. This really is IT. My very last chance to scratch good ol' #16 off of my Bucket List.
(Dear Oprah- Bucket List not in order of preference.)
My name, is officially OUT THERE.
Out in the swirly Oprah Website world, of Desperate Women and their Desperate Requests.
This post, is my last heart-felt plea.



Dear Oprah:
(and the lovely women on her Ticket team)

Maybe, I had not clearly expressed my sincere desire (near obsession) to be a (first-time) member of your studio audience. So, here goes....
(Men to which I am related: this may be the portion of the post, where you should stop reading, to retain just a wee-bit of respect for me.)

Oprah, I Heart You. You were my after-school snack. My phone conversation with mom. My reason to beckon my husband, 'just to watch this one part'. I have hushed my children, to better hear your wisdom. I have VCR taped and DVR'd you... planned my dinner making, around your schedule.
I've repeatedly began sentences "Oprah told me..." to which my Father-in-law has replied "She told YOU, or she said that on the television to millions of people??"
My reply, was a blank and confused stare.

I did not need Favorite Things or trips to Australia, I have always only wanted, a seat in your audience. One teeny seat. I would even squeeze up, with another patron and go half-sies.

I have demeaned myself on this blog, declaring my adoration and I do not regret one word typed in angst. Maybe, I have held back. Not Today. Today... I have reached my Pathetically Desperate Hour.

What's it gonna take? Just tell me.
Should I sell you one of my children? Deal. Take your pick. They are equally as cute and troublesome.
Tattoo your name on my wrist? Cool. Right or left?
Would you like to to run down the street in a swimsuit, with your show logo body painted on me?
Fine. Name the location.
Lie and pretend my mother is dying of a rare disease and her last wish is to sit in your audience, therefore committing myself to an eternity burning in hell?? Done. I like warmer temps anyway.
Stand on my head, drinking a Worm slushy, singing your theme song? Ok. I'll tell my son to start digging.
Should I read every novel on your bookclub list?
Admit you are a better friend, than my husband?
Humiliate myself via the Internet?
Done, Done and Done.

I am begging, pleading, praying and fingers-crossing... for just a couple, itsy-bitsy tickets. Name your price.
Should I start a mass email campaign? Have T-shirts made? Text-message all 32 friends in my address book? Create a Facebook phenomenon? Figure out what Twitter really is and open an account?
Threaten my blog-followers, if they do not Comment, re-post to their accounts or descend upon your website with gale-force strength: I may fall into a deep depression and will NEVER post another witty Coach remark or cute/messy picture of Coco... Ever.
(Can you live with that on your conscience??)
Ask anything Oprah! I will do it.

Please. Pretty, pretty please. With cherries, whipped-cream and sprinkles on-top! Plus a kiss for good-luck. Can I have tickets to your show? Just a few. A couple. I promise to dress pretty. Smile very brightly and Never. Ever forget a glorious moment of it.

PS- I live nearby. Just a skip. A mini-jump, really. A drive so short, I could bike it, if you'd like. I am totally available and willing to dash away from my lonely house-wife life, in obscenely short notice.
Just say, WHEN!!

PSS- I Heart You, Oprah. You're pretty.

Coach walks in...

as I am watching Oprah Behind the Scenes.
I pause the show and dramatically deep sigh.
Coach ignores me. I deep sigh again.

Coach: Yeeessss....??

Me: It's not gonna happen, is it? I'm probably not gonna see The Oprah Show.

Coach (shoulder shrug): Doesn't look like it.

Me: There's only like 20 shows left. That's maybe only 2500 seats left to fill.

Coach (lifting my spirits): And how many thousands of people, like you, are trying to get those seats?

Me: Too many... What's going to happen to me? What will I dream for next? Except for my dumb dreams for my stupid children... what dreams will I have left? I'm not going to Bucket List a stupid marathon race, that's for shiz. I guess, I still have Paris. Except, I am probably not going to Paris either. Am I??

Coach (still lifting spirits): Probably not.

Me: So then... THIS is it? (looking around me.)
This is my dreams realized?

Coach (shoulder shrug): Yep. I guess so.

Me: I didn't marry very well, did I?

Coach: Nope.

Me (lots of deep sighing): Are you just waiting to tell me I got Oprah tickets, on our Anniversary? Tell me sooner than later, because I need to shop.

Coach: Ok... but I'm probably not getting you that.

Me: Tickets to Paris then?

Coach: Isn't this the wood anniversary? (giggle) Besides, didn't you want to go BEFORE you turned 40? We have time.

Me: That was my dream. But dreams shatter.

Coach (takes out a calculator): How about before you are 50, instead?

Me: I'll be ugly then. Ugly people can't go to Paris.

Coach: Welp... I don't know what to tell you.

Me: Great pep-talk. Thanks.

Side Note-
Oprah, I have NOT given up all hope.
But I am starting to get very nervous.

Let me Spell this out....

People are NOT supporting the dream.
"Tru Stories is crazy. Her Oprah Dream is ridiculous. She's a few belt notches off the reservation....etc."

So let me take this down another avenue.
Let's just say... Clark was offered the chance to throw batting practice for the Chicago Cubs. He has the opportunity, to toss his name in a GIANT hat, to spend 2 hours throwing batting practice.
The Cubs are an iconic, Chicago Staple.
Clark has wasted HOURS, watching Cubs games in TV. His life has not, been made better by the Cubs (actually, they disappoint him annually). It is a totally irrational, romanticized 'crush' on a group of men, who do not know Clark and will never actually be his friend.
All of that said...
If Clark was given the chance, to throw The Chicago Cubs batting practice:
It would not, fix the problems of his life.
It would not, necessarily make his life better.
It would not, improve his marriage (which is pukey Fabulous anyway) or make his children better people or pay his mortgage. But it WOULD: make him happy. It would make Clark smile and make for one of the VERY best stories of his life, which he would repeat... many, many times.

Similar to if my Coach won court side seats, at the NCAA Basketball Tournament Championship game.
Or The Mrs. got center stage seats to Bon Jovi.
Or Chili was seated at the 50 yard line for the Chicago Bears Superbowl game.
Or Warhol...ummmm... watched an awesome 80's cover hair band...Whatever floats his boat??

The point is:
Will attending the Oprah show, change me or make my life significantly different? Is it slightly irrational to want to hug her? I suppose....All of that said... Attending the Oprah show. Would just make me... really, really happy.

Therefore,
please send positive, Dream-making vibes my way.
Not, grumpy and sassy Comments.
Those make me, less than happy.
And I swear... I just recently warned you:
My mother is Wicken.

2000 Characters is NOT enough!

They are currently accepting last minute reservations for the Oprah Show.
I submitted the following request:

I've never been to the show. I Triple Dog Heart Oprah. Hand to my little-chest-swear, I will leave my kids in a Road Runner dust cloud, to be there. I had an 'oprahiphany' while watching the Australian Adventure with my son. (we pretend it's the Reading Rainbow of his generation.) He apologized because I was not on the Ultimate Vacation and asked if I was going to cry. Insert 'Oprahany'. Australia, was not my Dream.
My two Celebrity Dreams would include:
A. Attending The Oprah Show.
B. Hangin with Julia Roberts, while I am on my A-Game Funny, making her laugh that giant awesome laugh, of hers.
Insert epiphany. The Ultimate Viewers had Their Moment. My Moment is me, in the Audience. Maybe I hug Oprah. (not like a stalker) Maybe this is her final show, with Julia. Maybe, I crack one of my best jokes. They decide I am Totally Awesome and invite me to Oprah's office for Post Show drinks with the OWN cameras. Maybe, me, Oppie and Jules exchange emails and become Besties spending weekends in New Mexico. My point is, I have to think smaller than Australia. Just love-sick-puppy me, in Your audience. I will do my best, not to randomly shout "Oprah, Be my mom, I love you!" Because, if I ran to Chicago, in a frenzy of excited screams and forgot one ticket for the woman who gave me life, she may never forgive me. Except, to ask how pretty Oprah looked in person. Please choose us as audience members. My fingers are crossed. I'm considering, launching an all-out campaign to realize my 'oprahany'. I'm not sure, my husband can stomach the small-town humiliation, when neighbors realize I am Coco for Oprah-Puffs! And if my husband, has hand-written Oprah the most heart-felt, eye-watering letter and her Cameras will Surprise! arrive at my door to whisk me away. I would sorta appreciate he give me a Head's Up, so I may shower before Noon and try to get my 3 children out of their jammies."

I don't know...
Do you think it was enough?
Go ahead people, launch the attack. I am sure it has been planned for months. Print the fliers. Place our T-shirt order. Flood the phone-lines. Submit emails. If you have Oprah's personal phone number, maybe this would be the time to text her.
I just can not live my entire life, with only having accomplished those three bratty kids!! Think happy thoughts. Followers... UNITE!

My Ahh-Ha! Moment...

I have had an 'epiphany' an 'oprahany' if you'd like.
Friday, while watching Oprah with The Kid
(yes, I watch Oprah with my 9 year old son and pretend it's the Reading Rainbow of his generation.)
Any hoooo....
The Kid apologized because he was sad I was not on the Ultimate Viewer Vacation of a Lifetime. He actually asked if I was going to cry. No. I was not.
Insert 'Oprahany'...
It is not my Dream to fly down to Australia with 400 people. Sure... I would have taken the trip but that was not 'my dream'.

Side Note. Yes, 'my real dreams' are deeper and more sacred than Oprah (not really!! Kidding Oppie!!)
Of course, I want Health, Happiness and Love for myself, my husband and my children. Duh.

Let's just say,
I had more shallow 'Celebrity-type Dreams'.
Those would include, in the following order...

1. Attending The Oprah Show and (shaking) hugging Oprah. Heck! I would actually high-five her...
I Heart her that much.

2. Front row Tickets to a Madonna Concert, in Miami, she would call me on Stage to sing Holiday.
(I can't sing and would totally faint) Instead.. she would throw me her Shirt or her Bobby Pin, anything.

3. In a La Mex type setting with Julia Roberts, snacking on chips, knocking back a few beers, while I am totally on my A-Game Funny and make her laugh that giant awesome laugh of hers.

4. Kissing Leonardo Dicaprio.
Ummm, just that. Just one kiss.
Doesn't even have to include tongue.
But, whatever feels natural...

Any hooo, AGAIN...!



Back to my epiphany...
I have not been properly visualizing my goal.
The Ultimate Viewers had 'Their Moment'.

Now, I have 'My Moment' to focus on.
Just me. In the Audience. Maybe hugging Oprah.
Maybe... one of her very last shows, with Julia... Maybe, we are introduced... I crack one of my best jokes Eva...they decide I am Totally Awesome and ask me up to Oprah's office for Post Show drinks... we exchange emails... we become Besties... I spend weekends in New Mexico w/ Jules..
See,
The point is, I have to be realistic.
Think smaller than Australia.

(Maybe you feel Googling Pics of Oprah, is a clear sign I have gone over the edge. Trust Me, I am tittering on the edge but I won't fully jump until Desperation Week, otherwise Dubbed 'End of April'.)

We're Sorry... We were unable to Process your Request...

Yes.
You are So Very Right, Oprah.

January was not the right month for us.
Historically, January shows are dedicated to
"Making a Better You"... "Weight Loss is Your Friend".. "New Secrets to Softer Skin"... etc.
You will save your Big Guns for February Sweeps.
February will be our month.
Me and You.

There are numerous, valid reasons for why my Birthday was not Berry Perfect.
A Epic Day After Tomorrow Blizzard has always swept our state the week of my birthday.
It would have been beyond devastating, if I had dressed in my new outfit, brushed my newly highlighted hair and placed my perfectly manicured nails into gloves.... only to realize the Highway had been declared unsafe for travel.
I have barely recovered from several weather-related childhood Birthday cancellations.
Of course, You knew that.
Obviously, Your wisdom would include a Farmer's Almanac-like knowledge of such things.

Not to mention, we are so very busy with our Relay for Life Dance (coming January 29th).
See Oprah-
I love Charity work, just like you!
We are practically Twinsies.


February.
Of course, You are right.

Oprah, this is REALLY it.

Ok, Oprah.
Seriously. I mean Ser- Rious -Ly.
I submitted another batch of Ticket Requests today.
While browsing (stalking) your website (location of worldly knowledge) I could not help but notice, you are taping 2 (1 + 1 = 2) shows on my birthday (January 19th, the day I turn "Kinda, sorta a little Bit Old" according to my first born.)
Your studio seats, maybe 150 people?
(Fact. I Googled your studio. I Googled, cuz I care.) Which means close to 300 people (3 times 100) people will bask in your sunshiny gloriousness on my birthday. (Again, January 19th, the day I turn "Kinda, sorta a little Bit Old.") I only just want Four tix.
(I typed 'Tix' like 4 is so insignificant it's not worthy of hitting the keyboard enough to type "Tickets".)

So, let me remind You.
I Heart You. I more than Heart You.
I Triple Dog, Heart inside 3 more Hearts, You.
I have watched nearly every show for 25 years. (Thanks for the quality time after school, Mom.)
I am there for You. I WILL be there for You. These 5 words I swear to You. I will Bon Jovi for you. Whatever, it takes.

Therefore,
I, hand to my little-boy-chest-swear, to the Universe (see... I'm using The Secret) to The Oprah Gods, to Karma or happy Oprah Mojo... getting these 4 teeny, tiny Tix could honestly be the very best birthday present of my entire life. (and I am not famously known for having super great birthdays.)

Sincerely-
The Author of Tru Stories
aka Coach's wife, a sorta alright stay-at-home-mother (remember, the hardest job on the planet... 'your words!'), kinda pathetic sickly person (YES. I DiD just play the disabled card! I am not ashamed.) and girl who only wants one thing for her Birthday.
(that and a pedicure.)

**FYI- I would not be offended if my husband, friends, family and/or blog readers would launch a nationwide, Internet, phone and television campaign to gain Oprah's attention to my Birthday Wish,
"Tickets to The Oprah Winfrey Show."
Go ahead. I won't mind.

Now, I must sign off to watch more stimulating television programming on the OWN network. (Shameless plug of my devotion.)

The Email Inbox, Really Hurt My Feelings.

Oprah, can you hear me?
Oprah, can you see me?
Oprah, can you find me in the night?

Oprah, are you near me?
Oprah, can you hear me?
Oprah, can you help me not be frightened?

Ok....anyway. That got weird.
But, she did Not hear me.
And, she will Not see me.

At least not, during the month of November.
'You were not Selected' email, received, loud and clear.

I think maybe, she knew December, would be best for us. Or possibly, a special Birthday show, in January.
I'm sure, that is it.
She is so knowing and wise.
She has a plan.
I will follow.

To my Community:

Just a Quick Warning:

I have submitted my name to the Oprah Show, for tickets during the month of November.
It is possible, I may receive a last minute phone call, naming me the lucky recipient of my dream. (honestly, it is a dream!)

To the members of my Yoga Class:
Absolutely, yes, I will dash off to Chicago, without so much as a 'Class Cancelled' note on the door. Maybe, we should consider establishing a Phone Tree. I may have a chance to call from the road (No texting, Oprah). Though, dialing may be tricky, with the extreme shaking of my hands and/or entire body, from the excitement.

To my Children:
You know where, the granola bars are kept. The Kid... I trust you to change a diaper. Probably, I should teach you Grandma's phone number. You may want to call her, if you see your mother dash from our home, in a blur of screams.

To my Wardrobe:
You are most definitely, not suitable. It would be smart, to purchase a complete outfit, to hang Ready, in my closet.

To My Husband:
If, there is a chance you have hand-written Oprah the most heart-felt, appealing, eye-watering letter.... that Oprah's Cameras will Surprise! arrive at my doorstep, to whisk me away on a Spa-filled day, before her Favorite Things Show... I would sincerely appreciate a little Head's Up. So that I may actually shower and dress myself before Noon (3:30pm) and freshen up the kitchen from breakfast (night before's dinner).

To The Oprah Show:
I have dreamt of you! If I am selected, it will be a monumental knock off my Bucket List.
That said, I'd really love a taping of the complete reunited cast of Friends, or maybe Brangelina's first interview. Certainly, I will not turn away a Free trip or even a Book club selection... but I am kinda hoping to Not attend the taping of a Child Rape survivor or an Episode of Homeless Children.
For Two Reasons.

A.) Those shows make my stomach turn. I applaud your effort to rid the world of Evil, but sometimes I do not need to know, people can be so disgusting.

B.) It will seriously, be Super Awkward, if the camera scans the crowd, as the Child recounts her tear-filled story... and I am caught smiling at Oprah, like a stoned-love-sick-puppy. It would be hard to explain, the lack of control, over my own emotions.

So here we go....
Fingers crossed.

PS Oprah: I NEVER believed, Gayle was your secret girlfriend. But if she is, I am totally cool with that.