Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Something Vexes Thee?

Last night, it took my poor husband nearly Eleven maybe Twelve minutes to fall asleep. This so rarely happens. Normally, he immediately drifts into a peacefully innocent slumber.

This week officially kicks off our Fall schedule. His first Coach's meeting, Pre-school orientation, CCD meeting, pricing a new furnace, the mind-bending stress of a Fall Softball Tournament (oh the torture!).
All of those worries bouncing around his sweet little head, gives him a Thinking Man's Headache. His forehead is unaccustomed.
Here's sending Coach, Happy Thoughts.
I hope you were able to wake this morning, with the usual suspects be-boppin around your cute noggin... ESPN highlights and Pizza rolls.
I await the return of my Shiny Happy Person.
You are the Mork to my Mindy.
The Sam Malone to my Diane.
The Paula Abdul to my Simon Cowell.

If you are not skipping through life...
we all stumble.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Dear Coach and His Sisters:

Does it hurt? To walk around that good-looking? To have piercing, beautiful eyes? To have that fabulously.happy.lovin.life smile on your faces at all times? To Heart each other so much you randomly blurt out "I Love my Sisters!"? At some point, being that attractive, must result in a mini-face cramp...

I realize that Beautiful People have an Open Pass to Behave in whatever manner they please...
but Come On!
Unless, you are actually playing for the Team itself... and are the 3 key athletes that plan and then execute the Very Down that Wins your team the World Wide Champions of The Universe All Sports for All Time SuperGlandSlamBowl Title... High-Fiving each other that much... is really just obnoxious. Seriously.

I don't care how pretty you are,
take it down a notch.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Bunches of Coco....

I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out get me some of those rays
everybody's smilin
sunshine day
everybody's laughin
sunshine day
everybody seems so happy today
It's a sunshine day

Friday, August 27, 2010

Flashback Friday The 3.0 Edition

I can remember....
* This other baby, crawling around with my brother.
* A little girl with olives stuck to each finger.
* Rolling skating up and down her uneven sidewalk.
* Sharing her Mother's giant bowl of popcorn.

I can remember...
* Easter mornings...especially, the one with the finger-biting bunnies.
* The finger-biting guinea pig, also.
* Clinging to green steps, as we searched the deep.dark.grate.cave for our missing toys.

I can remember...
* Nine years ago this weekend... standing at a Denver pay-phone, learning she had gotten engaged.
* Her Thanksgiving visit, after I became a mother.
* Sharing that ol' familiar kitchen, as she painted her nails the night before her 'Big Day'.
* Watching her ring slowly roll across the deck.
* Praying I would not be the one to tell her.

I can remember...
* Her in my living room. Confusing three couples, as she claimed, The Kid had correctly predicted twins.
* La Mex, as Coach called me God-mother.

* I can remember, her eyes filled with tears, as I brought her daughter...to meet her newest daughter.

* I can remember it all...
Very Fondly.

30 years later.
Her 30th Birthday, is more shocking to me, than mine.

Whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow
Going down the old mine
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Hiding behind a rainbow's wall,
Slipping and sliding
All along the water fall, with you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la

So hard to find my way,
Now that I'm all on my own.
I saw you just the other day,
My how you have grown,
Cast my memory back there, Lord

Do you remember when we used to sing?

Happy Birthday,
to my cousin, Jackie.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Heart Thursday Lunches.

A conversation at the lunch table.
Coach, One and Tink.
(I was just eating my tacos and minding my business.)

Coach: Are you going to Three's game on Monday?

One: Monday...? I thought he played JV on Fridays?

Coach: He's playing both Freshman and JV. This will be the greatest year of his life!
(Me...quietly ignoring that the Greatest Year of Coach's life was at 15. Ouch)

One: He plays both? I thought kids didn't do that so they don't hurt themselves for Varsity?

Coach: Those kids need to grow some N**s. I can't get over how the kids now-a-days in this town need to find some N**s.

Tink: Dad...day don't need any N**s...dere are pine cones all ober the street!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Please DO NOT save your Drama for your Momma.

Day 1 School:
I HATE it! I HATE my teacher! I HATE my seat! I have no friends! No one likes me!

Day 2 School:
It was kinda a little better. I still hate it. I don't want to go back.

Day 3 School:
It was almost so good, it was kinda a great day. My Teacher has been to 40-some states. She was kinda cool. I still don't want to go back. But it was fun, I guess.

Day 3 of Big Brother in School:
I miss mine broda. I don't like mine clodes. I can't neber brush mine hair. I want mine broda to come home. I want to go to school. I am habing a Tinkerbell birfday with all mine friends. Only girls can come. Not mine Dad or mine broda. Day have to go to Da Willy's with other boys.

Until 4:00pm when the cute (3 yr old) neighbor boy was spotted walking into the yard:
Get mine clodes! Fix mine metsy hair! Owen can't see mine jammies! Not dat shirt! It is too bagggie! Dat shirt is not preddy! Owen can see me!

While I am
A.) Very thrilled she has finally recognized that her jammies and 'Whatever is happening with that head of hair' is not suitable for nabbing a cute boy, much less just being around the General Public.

I am also...
B.) A little nervous she recognized that at Three.

I really worry for the spouses of my children.
Who will ever be able to handle their drama?
We are going to have to hope for quick engagements...maybe Internet courtships...phone dating...possibly shot gun wedding...

Totally Kidding!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August Blows a Little.

New Markers: Check
Paint Smock: Check
Dramatic on the floor meltdown: Check
Folders: Check
'Welcome to 3rd Grade!' letter ripped to shreds: Check
New shoes: Check
Declaration that he is NEVER going back: Check
Pencils: Check
Attempt to lock himself in his room: Check

Yep...Summer is over.

With MUCH protest, we dressed The Kid up, swore to him 'It really is against the law' not to go to school and headed to the 3rd Grade.
Our school throws a 'Clap-In'.
Otherwise, know as 'Eye-rolling by Coach-In'.
Parents fill the Hall and Clap as the children parade by.
Normally, I feel zero reason to clap, as I dread each year my son ages. Except yesterday, we welcomed Six and Nine into our district. And I will clap till my hands bleed 'Red'bird over that.

(Just waiting on Four, Five and Eight!)

The Kid is sporting a pretty cute smile, considering "He has no friends! His teacher is not Mrs. O! He somehow lost a few of his supplies! and... This is the worst day of his whole life!"

I totally sympathize. I would easily label this summer, One of the very Best Eva. We were crazy.every.minute.planned.out.too.many.camps...etc busy. And we loved it.

Bye-bye SwimSuitCuties.
Thanks for the memories.

Up next...
'Somebody' has to start preschool.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Happy Blogthday!

Happy Blogaversary!

One year ago today, Tru Stories was born.
I LOVE having this blog.
I find it fun and light.
It keeps me thinking and creative.
I love my followers, my comment(ers) and my encouraging fans. I am amazed and humbled.

Thanks, especially:
To my husband for suffering the abuse.
And to my kiddies for being so darned cute, laughable and full of post-worthy material.
And my supporting Cast for being such good sports and allowing me to put your lives out there...

I have picked my Favorite Posts:
(Loved for all sorts of reasons and listed in chronological order.)

1. Dear Coach 9/29/09

2. Bedtime 10/21/09

3. A Plea to My Husband's Mistress 11/02/09

4. Dear Commissioner 2/19/10

5. The Wal-Mart Crowd.. 2/22/10

6. In Their Professional Opinion 2/25/10

7. I just want to Look better... 3/11/10
(and all the subsequent 5Mile-related posts)

8. A Great Day for a Run (Three's State Bid) 5/13/10

9. A Little Advice for the Bride 7/22/10

10. EVERY Birthday post!
Tink's 10/16/09
The Kid's 11/10/09
Coco's 5/17/10

Re-read and enjoy.

I would like to request 2 birthday gifts:

1. Please use the Comment Section and leave your Most Fav Post. No reason required....just the Title. If I know the types of posts you enjoy, I may write more!

2. Please, Please...become a Follower. If I broke the 30 person barrier, I may possibly Flip Out! You do not have to use your picture, or your full name. Especially, if you are a sister-in-law who checks it every single day (Doc!) and basked in the glory of receiving 15 Comments on her Birthday Post. Think of it, as an Internet High-Five to my blog. (Guilt Trip)

1 year down...
and I really enjoyed it.

Imma be rockin' like this, wat
Why don't you put it on the blog?
Rockin' like this my job,

Sunday, August 22, 2010

We don't buy a lot of Camouflage.

The Kid: Dad... What is a Buck?

Coach: It's a dollar bill.

The Kid: Ummm, I think it's a deer or something.

Coach: Oh, yeah. It's a male deer.

Me (after I stopped laughing.):
Obviously, I married a Bartender and not a Hunter.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cool and Not Cool

Cool: The Omni Experience!
(Complimentary Milk & Cookies delivered every night.)
Not Cool: The 1 night in the Drive-Up Motel.
Complimentary crickets in each room.

Cool: Frolicking in a mountain stream
Not Cool: Nothing.
Mountain Streams are all kinds of cool.
(I mean...literally, the temperature is even Cool. Cuz of the snow melting...etc. Double meaning...)

Cool: The Whistler's Cafe. Chosen because I thought it looked Happy. Being even more delighted when I realized it only played Beatles Music.
Not Cool: Eating Fast Food 3 times a day for 6 days.
Cool for Coach: Fast Food for 6 days...

Cool: Visiting with my far-away Cousins
Not Cool: Leaving them early.

Cool: Oodles of Coach time.
Not Cool: Immediately losing Coach to his Superflyawesome Life, the moment we arrived home.

Cool: Georgetown, CO
Cooler: Nederland, CO
Not Cool: Nebraska
Not(est) Cool: Adair, Iowa

Cool: 75 degree temps with no humidity! Father/Son midnight swim planned while the girls were sleeping. Aspens. Witnessing my family's bright faces gaze up at the mountains 1 mile above sea level....

Not Cool:
The Kid spastically (unknowingly) unlocking and opening car door while driving in the foothills. Driving gangbusters home. Coach's new $24 sun-glass emergency souvenir purchase snapping. Unpacking dirty clothes (Cool: my repaired dryer.)

Family Vacations.
(Thanks Grammy and Pop-pop)

Also Cool...
Returning to my bed.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday Top Ten

Ten Great Pics from our afternoon at Nederland, CO.

We loved it.
Not to worry, we are not considering a move.
The hippies, in mountain towns...do not fancy haircuts.
Would not be a very profitable idea.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thank-you America.

Dear President Obama:
Thank-you...for signing Bills to increase construction through-out the country, increasing jobs for millions and helping to pull us out of a recession....
Except, could we have possibly worked one State at a time?

Dear Nebraska:
Thank-you...for posting a 75 mph speed zone.
It hardly felt like a slap in the face, during the one lane construction.
How much is Double the Fine. Really?

Dear My Mother's Ford Focus:
Thank-you...for helping carry us across the country.
Thank-you...for having a 34 miles per gallon standard during our trip.
However, could your engineers consider how to more comfortably fit a 34 inch inseam?

Dear Iowa:
Thank-you... for ending.
You were not fun.

Dear Nebraska:
Thank-you... for ending.
You were even less fun.

Dear Creepy Pyscho-ish Motel.
Thank-you... for (hopefully) not giving me Bed Bugs.

Dear Coach:
Thank-you, for providing the best moment of the trip.
After several silent miles, across Nebraska. Coach gazed out the window and calmly exclaimed....
"Cows are funny."
End Scene.

Dear Scary House Sitter:
Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Our sanity can not possibly, make the drive back.

Dear Rocky Mountains:
For making it all worth it.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Heart Travel Sized Shampoos.

Do you know what is a Super Fantastical Way to Spend an entire Tuesday?
Packing 2 Adults, an 8 year old, a 3 year old and a 15 mo old (requiring diapers and Wet Wipes) for a minimum 6 day vacation?!
I Love it!
Add in the significant increase in altitude.
Dramatic Drop in Night-time temperatures.
Drag out Hand Me Down Bins and Clearance Bought clothes for Fall Season.
Try jeans on children.
Purchase new jeans after Son has grown 14 inches.
Account for the 1 night spent at a Wedding.
Purchase super cute wedding attire for 5.
Plan for Mountain Hiking (old tennis shoes).
Dinners and Lunches out (new tennis shoes).
Swimming Pool accessories.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Draft Blueprint to Super Smash suitcases, backpacks, Diaper Bags, Shoes, mini-DVD players, blankies and so on and so on...into the trunk of a car...
Because. We. Are. Driving.
Across the country.
Rivers. Lakes. Plains. Mountains.
America the Beautiful, here we come.
Cartwheel and Flips for quality famdamly time.

Silent Blog Stalkers Beware.
We have a Big Scary Man, sitting our locked Fortress.

Dear Big Scary Man-

If you are wondering our home and think....

Did she pretty much Give Up cleaning?
Answer: Ummm, Yep.

Does she grocery shop, Like....at all?
Answer: Ummm, Nope.

Can I both potty and shower in the same bathroom?
Answer: No. We ain't Fancy Rich People!
Plan accordingly.

Would she mind if I sleep, sweat and sloth off dead skin in her bedding?
Answer: Hell to the yes.

If I dirty her bedding and choose to Wash them and notice it smells like a Dead Animal is rotting in the Dryer?
Answer: Yes. I actually think one is. We tried to locate the stank and can't. Mark it on Coach's list.

Last, if you ponder the question that possibly the house is slowly falling apart one project at a time, crumbling down around our children and rotting from the crawl space up .... and yet, we have irresponsibly decided our time and/or money is best spent Frolicking in the Mountain Meadows of Colorado...?
Answer: Ummm, Yep. We are not the Brightest Light bulbs in the Box.

Scary Man:
If you are reading this post and are contemplating backing-out due to a Fake Emergency ...
You are Family and you already agreed.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sugar and Spice.....

A tiny, precious baby girl was born.
Sweetly named, Shelby Jayne.

Her parents are not our closest friends. Which caused an inner debate on writing such a personal post. And yet, we know their families. We know their friends. And we know, without question, they are all very good people.
The sort, a small town would claim,
'Comes from Good Stock'.

Shelby's future was immediately paved with little bumps and detours. And despite, not being a friend on their 'call list' her situation is nagging on my heart.

After 3 pregnancies, the miracle has never ceased to truly amaze me. If anything, I was more awed with each. A woman's belly (otherwise, a stress-inducing, button-too tight, finger-poking flab, thorn in our side) is the Womb to a Life. Our Tummy, becomes God-like, with the ability to grow beautiful blue eyes, button noses and tiny beating hearts.
A Life.
We can grow a Life.

And with each child born to me. I marveled that much harder, at the gift I received. There were several months, gripped with fear that my Coco would suffer from my ailments and/or medications. Many sleepless nights, filled with worst case scenarios. We prepared for loss of hearing, kidney failure, developmental delays.
And we were carefully handed...
A chunky, healthy, glowing bundle of baby.

She will always be the blessing, I am most grateful for.

Despite, Shelby Jayne's situation...
I am certain, she is a blessing her parents are also very grateful for. A beautiful baby girl, with a fragile, little Heart already filling with love...from her Special Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and her Blondie Big Brother.

Therefore, I would love to welcome her to the world.
Her and the other little babies born recently, or soon to be born to our many pregnant friends.
Congratulations, Parents on facilitating your miracles. Your legacies, your place in this world. Congratulations on creating a Life, for filling your arms with hugs, your halls with squeals and your kitchen floors with
Peanut Butter and Jelly Crusts.

I will take liberty, on behalf of Shelby Jayne.

And ask you to Please,

*Extend her and her large,
A Prayer.
A kind thought, a mental Headnod, a Positive Vibe or shot of good Karma,
their way.

*And Last.
Try to hug your babies today.
Marvel at their beauty.
Their uniqueness, their Crazy Curly Hair, their beautiful Red lips, their tanned faces and brilliant little minds.
Kiss and squeeze their cheeks.
Even if your baby is 30.
Or a grumpy teenage boy.
Or a Sassy 8 year old.
Or a Tink, who will inevitably smack your kiss away.
Maybe Text your son, or call your daughter.
Or maybe, just thank yourself and God for creating...
Your Baby.

Welcome to our town, Shelby Jayne.
You are a lucky Girl.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

At this point, I am Dreaming of an 85% Finished Project Ratio.

Our home contains 2 full bathrooms.
One with a Double sink vanity.

in one bathroom the shower is not working.
in another, the toilet is not working.

Our Total:
1 working Shower
1 working Toilet
3 working Sinks

Yep...that sounds just about right, eh Coach?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Thanks Warhol. I think.


This bicycle, painted by Warhol as a fundraising project for a Community Improvement Incentive, sat sweetly Uptown and I Hearted her.
Alas, I did not win her a spot in my Garage.
(Lucky for her, Coach's garage is a Farm Boy Accustomed to an Old Shed Nightmare. Can I get a Hands to the Roof Head Nod to that, Neighbors?!)

Fortunately, tucked deep in our Nightmare, was my Grandmother's bike. Thirty-Plus years young. Badly worn with love and several, slowly pedaled miles traveled uptown.

We shipped her to the Artist's Den/Shed/Good Time Cove and ordered a Professional Retro Update.
My Request...
I wanted her Apple Green and Happy.

(Still missing, 1 Much more comfy Seat)

As a Pleasant/Bitter Reminder of Warhol and My Tru Luv Husband, Coach....
I named her Sadie.

Isn't she the cutest thing, Eva!?

Last night, we stumbled onto an unfortunate rash like side-effect to my New Baby.
With The Kid at a Grandma All Boy Slumber Party.
And Tink, banished in shame to Grammy's with her too short legs.
Coach, Coco and I went for a bike ride.

The weather, Summertimeish perfect.
The Trees humming with the chatting Locusts.
(A melodic harmony, I fondly associate with my childhood evenings in Uncle Jim's front yard.)

Coach and I peddled in unison... smiling fondly... gazing sweetly at Coco... waving kindly at townies in their perfectly manicured yards (Duh...only Coach waved)....and completely, painfully, not at all oblivious, to our Coolness Factor...
Plummeting in Super Sonic Speed...
In a Giant, Echoing Thud....
on the pavement below us.

In Conclusion:

If you would like a
totally awesome, personalized Happy-go-lucky Bike:

Contact Warhol.
At 1-800-555-MakingDorksOutofOnceCoolPeople

Prices are negotiable.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Crazy Cr@p My Cousin Says 2

I have an out-of-town cousin who uses a medium...um, let's call it Basecook, to write quick, current event updates.
I have compiled and posted these once before.
Round 2 of:

Crazy Cr@p My Cousin Says.

*** Warning, several are VERY inappropriate
And Rated NotOkForMyMotherInLawToRead.
If you are offended...blame him,
or yourself for reading further AFTER this warning.

* After Chelsea 's wedding on July 31st...
Hillary asked Chelsea ...
"Did you have sex with Marc before you were married?"
Chelsea said... "Not according to Dad"

* Dan Resin, an actor who portrayed the dapper Ty-D-bol man in television commercials for the toilet bowl cleaner, has died. He was 79. I knew he was sick...he looked a little "flush".

*"The Munsters" actor Butch Patrick is set to marry a fan he met at a Dracula convention in May. No one is surprised at this, most wives suck the life out of their husbands at some point.

* Bill Murray got injured diving into a dumpster on the David Letterman Show. The main injury was his pride, as he found his career at the bottom of that dumpster.

* I love the debate of animal lovers. Some love cats. Some love dogs. Personally, I do not think either taste very good.

* The difference between Mel Gibson and a sour apple jawbreaker? One is extremely bitter and could break your teeth...and the other is a jawbreaker.

* As the daughter approaches her Senior year, the wife and I thought it was time for "the talk". Daughter refused to sit through any embarrassing lecture. I did not want her to learn about it from a movie. We compromised...we made her watch us. I think we can expect a pretty safe Senior year.

* New research says Chicago has the highest heroin abuse problem in the country. They have targeted the main cause of the drug problem, located around Addison and Clark St.

* Everyone wants to blame BP for how bad the oil spill is, but consider this...the oil spill would not be as bad if birds had more absorbent feathers.

* The bad news....The female Viagra hits the NHS. The patch does not work straight away. It takes weeks to have an effect. The good news...Jose Cuervo still takes about an hour.

* Marriage safety tip: When the wife tells you that she is going to give you something "you hadn't had in years" for your birthday.....DO NOT guess "chlamydia".

And the worst...

* Travel tip - Do you notice how most hotels provide you with a travel bottle of lotion? Dry skin epidemic? No. They are saying, "Go ahead. Rub one out. It's on us." Unfortunately, most of it is also on their bedspreads.

If you want to offer him a book and/or movie deal:
I will take 10%.

If you were repulsed by comments made on this post:
He's older than me,
I can't really be blamed for mimicking an older cousin.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

We don't Mess Around.

He lifted his hands.
He raised his voice.
And declared, Family Law:

"No more, KFC for One Year."
We shook under the enormity of what Coach had just laid down, but we obediently agreed.
For, when The Man speaks, we listen.

Your Mashed Potatoes/Gravy are The Kid's Heroin.
Yet, your service, or complete Lack Of....has lost us.

For 5 visits, to a minimum 3 locations, you have:

1. Been completely out of forks and spoons. Forcing us to consume our Sides Dishes with a plastic knife.
2. Your ice-machine broke. Coach trekked to the back of the restaurant to grab from a bag...leaving our drinks to taste like stockroom freezer.
3. Your employees will either randomly disappear or stare blankly in response to our order. Then take a minimum 16 minutes to prepare our meal.
4. Your biscuits have been rock hard.
5. Your Drive Thru turned all lights off at 8:51pm without so much as a "Sorry, see ya next time."

And the Best Ever:

6. After Coach had suffered a Bad Day (this so vary rarely happens in his Care Bear world of Lollipop Rainbows and Sparkle Sun Beams) the children and I planned a Surprise Dinner of the Jumbo Family bucket.
We pulled into the drive thru:

Garbled Static Drive Thru Voice: Hi, welcome to KFC.
The Good Wife: Yes, I would like to order the Family Dinner Special.
Static Voice: Sorry, we are out of chicken.
Good Wife: Ummm, I will take extra crispy then?
Static Voice: Sorry, we are completely out of chicken.
Good Wife:
Ummmm, I don't get it. You have NO chicken.
Static Voice: No, someone just came and purchased all of our chicken.
Good Wife: For Reals?

After making sure I was not being Punked;
We regrouped and ordered Pizza Hut.
Which never disappoints.

KFC. You are on a 1 Year Ban.
(Coach foot-noted we can try the Morris location.)

I hope you can survive, without our 6 visits per year.
Maybe, this will teach you a lesson.

Monday, August 2, 2010

We Could Use a Spelling Lesson.

Very early, on Saturday morning.
Four extra people boarded a Full boat.
And apparently, we do not know how to spell.

1.) Stacking One T-shirt, One pair of shorts, One toothbrush and One phone charger on One uncovered pillow....as your 'packed luggage' for a 34 hour trip...
Does Not Spell C.L.A.S.S

2.) Bringing your husband/6 year old child, as your partner... only to watch him spastically, repeatedly jump off the side like a cracked out coffee bean, while the Others calmly float on rafts....
Does Not Spell Class.

3.) Unable to fight the urge/dare/whim, to Leap off the top of the very tall, moving boat, as it speeds across the extremely large lake. Forcing the Captain to slam the 'brakes' and rush, very worried to the side to locate your not dead but in fact, smiling body....
Does Not Spell Class.

Realizing Tru Stories and Coach are unable to read.
Well, that doesn't prove we can not spell....

4.) Erin Brockenvich.
Does Not Spell Class.

5.) Believing your husband was suffering from a possible 3 hour food poisoning. Boarding the boat anyway, then waking at 1:30am to spend 2 hours (in a VERY tiny Boat bathroom) with what was obviously the Flu. Therefore, infecting each and every passenger and yet totally rallying back the following morning.
Does Not Spell C.L.A.S.S
But it does spell T.r.o.o.p.e.r.

6.) Shouting "Warhol. Speaking of Yoga".
During Catch Phrase.
(Answer: Sweat)
Then having to pause the game for a solid 18 minutes from hysterical, belly-bending laughter.
(Ummm.. Warhol was not laughing. Neither were the other 9 totally confused passengers. Except, General who sympathetically shook his downed head.)
Does Not Spell Class.
It seems to spell... "Only.3.People.Got.the.Joke".

7.) Not making Yummy Fab dishes from home.
Instead, bringing Twizzlers (2 Jumbo Bags) and Avantie's Gondolas (Pre-cut).
Does Not Spell Class.
But it has to give us a C and L.

8.) Purchasing a Busch baseball cap and/or a Shlitz T-shirt as your 'brand new' Boat Trip clothes.
Does Not Spell Class.

Luckily, this Shirtless Man (Whom we Heart) mostly thinks Class is over-rated. So I am pretty sure, we are still a solid "In" with him.
Fingers Crossed.

Trip Highs:

* Dueknot Oh Pen Bee Four Christ mass.
* Tanning without highly Sunscreened children.
* Laughing until my tummy muscles ached.
* Van trip down... and back.
* No one woke, during my Worst Nightmare, of suffering from the Flu in a near public location.
* $3 Wal-Mart Jumbo Noodles

* This Man, helping to compile a Top Notch Song List.
The General knows how to spell R.O.C.K.
* Friends and Cousins.

One more, Summer Memory...
Fondly Experienced and Chronicaled.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I do not Heart You.

Dear Doctor McBeauty-

Just so you know...

I do not Heart:

* That you are growing more fabulously beautiful.
* That when you laugh, your face glows.
* How your husband, is a love-struck teenager.

I do not Heart:

* That your perfect, obedient children, love to clean their room, just cuz.
* That you are sweet as pie, with guts of steal.
* How beautiful your hair was at Three's graduation.

I do not Heart:

* That you are stupid funny.
* How my husband defers his judgement and opinions, over to you.
* Your fierce devotion.

I do not Heart:

* That you can lay tile and arrange a flower bouquet.
* Your ability to perform surgery and play Third base.
* Have a million friends, gushing of your wonderfulness.

I do not Heart:

* Your grace.
* How you light up a room.
* When men physically push me away in disgust, to be near you.

I am totally not jealous, at all.

Happy Birthday, Love.