Monday, November 30, 2009

We need to talk,

In regards to my Will-power.
This weekend, while trying on jeans, it was time to get real. After three weeks, jeans are not tight because: the dryer shrank them, you are bloated, your skin may be puffy from too much water or elves moved the buttons.
We cannot wear yoga pants every day. God knows we try.
After three weeks, we have to admit, we've put on a few pounds.
Now, Will-power. It is not all our fault.
Halloween candy.
Who knew, half a dozen bags of candy would really stick? They should warn people. Maybe in a magazine article. At least, on morning television.
Our Family Birthday season.
Again, not our fault. It is impolite to attend parties and NOT eat cake. Impolite and sacrilegious. We tried to make it low fat by only eating the frosting, but after 3 pieces, our logic is waining.
I couldn't live with the stigma, of being the aunt that disappointed her niece, by only eating one piece. How would she live with that rejection? Not on my conscience.
Then, we got a tiny bit out of control.
The remodeling.
We just HAD to order pizza (4 times). Plus pick up DQ and McDonald's. I mean, for bleep's can't cook a decent meal, with your back master bathroom torn up! Duh. look at me, Will-power...when you saw me eating the Lay's chips out of the bag, you should have spoke up. You and Self Control, really dropped the ball. It's not like it was a Snickers! I am barely a chip eater.
Ok, I know, I ordered pizza again tonight.
But I didn't eat the crust. That has to count for something.
Tomorrow, we are done playing.
We are one holiday cookie season away from an Intervention episode.
Here's the deal:
Dark chocolate, is not really healthy, if you eat two full bars.
Halloween candy does not have a 'Get out of Jail Free' card on weight gain.
Thanksgiving, either.
Shocking, but true.
Ease back on the pizza. Just because you order from 5 different locations, so the phone girl does not recognize your voice, does not excuse the excess.
Birthday season is done. Calm your frosting shakes.
You cannot claim, PMS snacking, two weeks prior and one week after.
Chips out of the bag. Never sanitary. Never a good idea.
Put down the Capn Christmas Crunchberries. I don't care if the colors are festive.
Nightly, hot cocoa is not necessary, when it is 55 degrees outside, you haven't shoveled snow and you are not in grade school.
Even if they claim Chicken Nuggets are made with white meat. It is not low fat to order the ten piece, with a Diet Coke. Though, it seems like it should be.
Now, the weekly Butterfinger Blizzard.
Unless, we are starting me on Zanax, that is a necessary evil.
Alright, Will-power and Self-Control.
Let's do this.
If tomorrow gets too hard...I swear, we are really starting, on Wednesday.
Next week, we need to think about crawling back on the Treadmill.
But let's baby step it...


Anonymous said...

Oh man! Great post....I am going to McD's to get the 10 piece nugget meal with a diet coke as soon as I post this. It sounds PERFECT!!! The bad thing about will power failing is that on top of it happening, we're in our 30's now and I heard some kind of rumor that your metabolism slows down??? What????

MelancholySmile said...

Could you give the same talkin' to to MY willpower as well? It's kind of gone missing since Halloween, and I've been too busy indulging to take the time to find it again.... :)

Tru Stories said...

Turns out, I am not much of a motivational speaker. I had grilled cheese and chips for lunch.
There is always tomorrow, I guess!