The Wedding Reception:

In a 1000 pictures, or less...

(Flag Girl in her Mother's Wedding Dress.)

(He is still creepy, even with Armpits covered. And Mrs. was actually a very attractive Horror Bride.)

(Doc and The Wedding Photographer.)


(I've never seen anyone so adorable in a sorta ugly, sorta pretty peach dress. oh, um..Hi... Warhol...)

(Our Mothers, new secret keeping Besties.)

(My Father Serving Sweetbreads.)


(Garter Contest)



(Coach and his girls.)

(Grandpa is THE happiest man I have ever met. Yet every year, he looks like he HATES our party.)

(Me and CW)

(Sister-in-law Jackie, her mother and her sister... which may also be my aunt and my cousin... weird.)

(Obviously, after this photo, it was time to turn out the lights...cuz the party was over.)

I loved it, loved it, loved it.
Thanks to our guests, our sponsors and especially
The Kahuna. Job very well done, Relay Team.
Next Year: Hollywood Masquerade

This is what I know, for sure....

I know, the Recycled Wedding Reception is tomorrow.

I know, our team has never worked more diligently to plan one heck of a show.

I know, Doc is buzzing around this very minute, picking up last minute decorations and finishing touches.

I know, Chili Davis spent no less than 16 hours perfecting his portion of the 'job list' and if you don't believe me.... I am pretty sure he has an Iphone App which has calculated his contribution.



I know, Jackie and Gramma are baking machines.

I know, I have a new crush on The Bride's Foods class.

I know, Warhol and The Commissioner's artistic talents are drained by my 'great ideas'... sorry guys.

I know, Flag Girl OWNs (OWN... like Oprah's network.) her blah job as the Flier Girl.

I know Sweetbreads and Coach, are trying to sell the heck out of this dance. It sure helps to have some 'cool kids' on your Relay Team.



Once again, I know I am proud to be a part of this family. I am proud of our efforts. More than ever, we have created a Tru-ly entertaining evening.
Full of emotion, joy and Dance.

Last... I (unfortunately) have known Cancer. We have lost loved ones. We have watched Cancer take the gleam, from many who sparkled. I know the Cancer Center, sometimes is unable to gift a miracle and yet... sometimes they have gifted one to my parents. I know, The Cancer Centers of America, deserve the many hours, I have devoted to our Relay Events.
I know, without them, I would not have those hours to give. And tomorrow night, I know I will remember to feel each and every Fun-packed moment, I have been blessed with the opportunity to enjoy.
Because I know....
Our Team is doing a very good thing.


PS-
I also know, tickets will be available at the door.
Please join us, our event and our cause.
We Promise to make you smile.
Cross our Hearts.

Moustaches make us Laugh.

Last night, family supported Two at his Wrestling Meet.
('supported'... funny stuff.)

Apparently, there was a little down (boring) time, leaving The Kid and Six to amuse themselves....
Artistic talent, obviously inherited.


Sweetbreads- Do you recognize that 'Amigo'?




Come to find out, Coach and I have the mental maturity of Third Graders and found this Art Project, very amusing.

My Ahh-Ha! Moment...

I have had an 'epiphany' an 'oprahany' if you'd like.
Friday, while watching Oprah with The Kid
(yes, I watch Oprah with my 9 year old son and pretend it's the Reading Rainbow of his generation.)
Any hoooo....
The Kid apologized because he was sad I was not on the Ultimate Viewer Vacation of a Lifetime. He actually asked if I was going to cry. No. I was not.
Insert 'Oprahany'...
It is not my Dream to fly down to Australia with 400 people. Sure... I would have taken the trip but that was not 'my dream'.

Side Note. Yes, 'my real dreams' are deeper and more sacred than Oprah (not really!! Kidding Oppie!!)
Of course, I want Health, Happiness and Love for myself, my husband and my children. Duh.

Let's just say,
I had more shallow 'Celebrity-type Dreams'.
Those would include, in the following order...

1. Attending The Oprah Show and (shaking) hugging Oprah. Heck! I would actually high-five her...
I Heart her that much.

2. Front row Tickets to a Madonna Concert, in Miami, she would call me on Stage to sing Holiday.
(I can't sing and would totally faint) Instead.. she would throw me her Shirt or her Bobby Pin, anything.

3. In a La Mex type setting with Julia Roberts, snacking on chips, knocking back a few beers, while I am totally on my A-Game Funny and make her laugh that giant awesome laugh of hers.

4. Kissing Leonardo Dicaprio.
Ummm, just that. Just one kiss.
Doesn't even have to include tongue.
But, whatever feels natural...

Any hooo, AGAIN...!



Back to my epiphany...
I have not been properly visualizing my goal.
The Ultimate Viewers had 'Their Moment'.

Now, I have 'My Moment' to focus on.
Just me. In the Audience. Maybe hugging Oprah.
Maybe... one of her very last shows, with Julia... Maybe, we are introduced... I crack one of my best jokes Eva...they decide I am Totally Awesome and ask me up to Oprah's office for Post Show drinks... we exchange emails... we become Besties... I spend weekends in New Mexico w/ Jules..
See,
The point is, I have to be realistic.
Think smaller than Australia.

(Maybe you feel Googling Pics of Oprah, is a clear sign I have gone over the edge. Trust Me, I am tittering on the edge but I won't fully jump until Desperation Week, otherwise Dubbed 'End of April'.)

I'm Your Aunt....

A: Always slightly Aloof, yet Affectionate
(unless you are sweaty) sometimes Annoyed Attendee to All of your Athlete Activities. (Apparently, I have nothing better to do than chase After you like An Awed Cheerleader, At your Awesome fast-ness.)

U: Unfiltered, Unapologetic, Uncontrollable and Unsolicited advice on your hair, your game, your Spring Sporting and your friends' Unbelievable ability to recognize Hotness. Thank-you, for being so Understanding (though Usually Uncomfortable) in regards your Aunt's Unbalance.

N: I most definitely make you Nervous with my Non-stop and Notoriously unabashed sarcasm.

T: I sorta wish I had a Teeny bit more Tact, more Taste, more Tenderhearted interactions with my elder Nephews. And yet... if I were to Terminate those Tendencies to Talk... without Thinking. I would probably be pretty boring. Plus, Doc already snatched up the Thrilling Aunt Title and Jackie The Thoughtful Aunt Title. I had no choice but to become the Trainwreck of Torment, kind of Aunt.
Sorry.
But when you find your niche...
you just have to run with it.

Love you to Bits, Three.
I am Happy to be your Aunt.
Happy (well sorta) to be your Fan.
Happy to see that smile,
each time my sarcasm breaks your exterior.
You light up your mother
and are the cutest BFF Coach could ever ask for.



Happy Birthday, Three.

PS- You still owe me a Touchdown.

PSS- Please use Hair Gel.

Heart you.

Tell me... Why do they Always HAVE to Scar Their Faces??

Just before kick-off, our home field witnessed a scramble, resulting in an injury. Tink, elbow to the back, tackled Coco into a table.
Brawling over a Mermaid Barbie.
While I tried to pin Coco down, to ice her forehead... she growled, screamed and knocked my hand away. Determined to shake it off and get back into the game of sister rivalry.
Now, if only our Chicago QB, had the guts and fighting spirit, of a 20 month old little girl....
I would be online, right this second,
purchasing new pink Super Bowl sweatshirts.

We like to Smush all our Birthdays into the Same Week.

Dear Commissioner:



'You Are' celebrating your last Birthday as a Father to Two. On your Birthday 'Wish List' you would be smart to include some 'Down' time with your wife. Enjoy a quiet moment on your 'Porch'. 'Go' to the 'Oceans' and frolic 'Amongst the Waves'... because 'Once' your third baby arrives, you both will fall into a 'Black' cave of confusion and out-numbered chaos.

You may possibly have a son. Maybe, you will name him 'Jeremy' after your 'Brother'. You will dream big for your son... possibly hoping he will follow in your 'Footsteps' and become a well-educated, community leader. Though you will always pray he will break any bad 'Habits' of the Father and become an even 'Better Man' than you.

Or maybe, you will be blessed with yet another beautiful 'Daughter'. 'Faithfull' to her parents and sisters. Tough enough to squash her own 'Bugs'... sweet enough to carry a 'Corduroy' bear and smart enough to stay far away from creepy men nicknamed 'Dirty Frank'.

If you ever need any, I've 'Got Some' advice... or check with your sister... maybe just some wise 'Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town'. Do not try to over-plan or perfectly-organize because #3 has already taught you...'Nothing is as it Seems'. Regardless of the gender, that third baby is going to crash into your quaint life like a 'Force of Nature'. Change is most definitely 'Around the Bend'.

At least one day, when you face your 'Immortality' and glance back at the 'Rearview mirror' of your past, you will comfortably know you did not live a 'Life Wasted'. You have created a family based on a 'State of Love and Trust'. Boredom was 'Not for You'.

Happy 31st Birthday.
'The End'

***Does anyone know, what I just did (31 times) in this Birthday Post? Sometimes, 'I Am Mine' own biggest fan... really.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRU STORIES!!!

Hello, blog world. This is Coach. (The butt of her jokes. Don't believe everything you read.) I am stepping in to do a birthday blog for none other than Tru Stories.




I thought(she told me)since Tru Stories writes all of these nice, sincere, sometimes a little sarcastic birthday blogs, she deserves one of her own. Since I have a great background in writing(none at all), I figured I could knock one out with some of my own creative writing(by just copying her style).

I tried to find songs lyrics to describe the wonderful things about this woman. I searched, I do know a lot of music. I had some trouble.
I tried to find a song that could describe her ability to throw a party. Tru Stories can throw a serious party, whether it be a killer fundraising Relay for Life bash where everyone dresses up crazy, a kids birthday party with millions of fairies running around or just a house party to make you think you're in college again. Whatever the party, she goes all in, and if you have not made one, it should be on your bucket list.

It is awfully hard to pick a song that can describe the feeling when she gives you a smile. As many of you know, she does not give them out to just anyone. Sometimes it is difficult to find, once its out it brightens up any room. I once said, she is hard to win but easy to love (this is where Tink gets it).

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love,
she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth, but she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long it's free
She steals like a thief,
but she's always a woman to me

Ohh... she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants, she's ahead of her time
Ohh... and she never gives out
And she never gives in, she just changes her mind

She's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool
She can't be convicted, she's earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you,
But she's always a woman to me


Our children love you.
If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough.

You are the chocolate to Coco's milk,
the Peanut Butter to Tink's jelly,
Sam Wise to The Kid's Froto,
and the Princess Leia to my Han Solo.

And just for the record, its still stupid.
Happy birthday.
Holla,
Coach

PMS-
She's got a mouth.

Tomorrow is MY Birthday.

For the First Time! a Guest Blogger has been formally invited (sorta just told) to write my Birthday Post.
This Man:

a.) Has afforded himself a lifestyle, which requires him to write an email once each month. That email is rarely more than 6 words long. Those 6 words, are typically not capitalized and finish without punctuation.

b.) He does not have a Facebook page, he is oblivious to where the photos are stored on our computer and it took 13 months for him to Comment on my blog.

c.) In our Self-written Wedding Vows,
His Opening Line:
"Tru Stories, I love you so much... It's Stupid."
(That is an unaltered Fact.)

d.) If I sent This Man a Text Message which read:
Can you run to the store, Tink needs more Chocolate Milk and I am losing my mind over it! Plus Coco would like some cookies. And I am about to give both girls a bath. BTW- The Kid got a great report card!

His reply would read:
K

e.) I have received anniversary cards, which have been signed, simply... "Love Ya."

f.) Typing and letter forming skills aside...
This Man is deeply emotional To.The.Extreme.
For example,
If I were to ask (plead for a compliment) for him to "Tell me Something Nice".

His Reply may be:
"Ummmm... Let me think.....
Uhhh... Dinner was good tonight.
And... Um... I like your legs."
It's like living with a Hallmark Card.

In Conclusion,
You are NOT gonna wanna miss this.

Tomorrow, Coach will write my Birthday Post.
I am BOTH nervous and totally giddy.

Side Note:
Let's try to remember,
there would be NO forum, which could have afforded you the opportunity, to write 412 Comments on how "Super Cute" (puke in my mouth) Flag Girl is... without the author of Tru Stories...
FYI.

To Doc's Little Nothing of a Sister.....

She`s got a smile that heals me
I don`t know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
(On the phone, when she is supposed to be workin')

She`s got a way of talkin`
I don`t know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin`
Anywhere

She`s got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She`s got a way about her
I don`t know what it is

I don't know what it is... but I have a couple ideas!
You are so much more than you realize.
Obviously, you are beautiful.
But even more than that: you are funny (seriously giggling hard, can't breathe funny) you are a loving mother (you'd have to be, to go to all those Track Meets) you are caring sister, a devoted friend and a woman worthy of all the love... she extends to others.
And you can Slam (sip very slowly for 26 minutes)
a LunchBox, like a Champ!
You have proven you are brave. You have guts and you strive to find the better you. You have strength, you were unable to see in yourself.
I am grateful to be your friend.
Pleased to be your sister.
Blessed to have you as my children's Aunt and
God-mother (#2).
Happy Birthday, Flag Girl!
You are still not as awesome as Doc...
but you are a pretty amazing Second Place!

**(Glass raised for Toast)
Here's lookin, at one of the Best Years of your Life!!

Just Two Weeks...

2 weeks...
14 days...



Until our Relay For Life Recycled Wedding Reception!!

My dresses are currently at a very exclusive seamstress (thank-you Gramma).
The Team is actively selling.
Warhol is busy with his creations.
Coach (of course) has done absolutely nothing to prepare his outfit....

It appears we are right on schedule!

Now, I just need to find a pair of shoes.

I Teach Yoga.

I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace. Quote By: Terri Guillemets



This morning, I scheduled 2 hrs to work on "My Job".
(Not too worry, Sesame Street is currently molding the minds of my daughters. Which is probably more productive than their Mother's influence.)

It is funny to refer to Yoga as "My Job". Often, the 6 hours each week, I spend at "Work" are some of my Favorite moments.

During class, I find exercise, relaxation, humour, a moment of quiet and peace. AND...I am given the opportunity to speak to adults!

I began yoga, 10 years ago. With a friend, in Arizona. I wanted an exercise that would improve not only the fit of my jeans but my health.
I love watching a fierce-sarcastic non-believer
(um, lookin at you Warhol) become a dedicated yogi.
Today... Yoga has made me more of myself.
And I Heart the Namaste Heck out of it.


Side Note-
If you happen to Google "Pictures of Yoga" be prepared to view, some sorta disturbing images.
And maybe... ask the children to leave the room.
No, we DO NOT practice Naked Yoga, in my Studio.
At least, not until, Warhol starts the petition.

Pope Joy, slowly Draining The Joy from our Wallet.

New Toilet from Menards: $140.00

Phone call to a Professional Plumber: 6 minutes

Coach's guesstimated length of Installation:
1 maybe 2 hours.

Duration Plumber was actually in my home:
Just shy of 6 hours.

Number of other Professionals, called in as Reinforcements, to cut several feet of old corroded pipe, dig up crawl space and replace all with new:
4 Other Men.

Strength of Assumption that
5 Men x 6 Hours can NOT = Cheap:
Pretty Strong.

Likelihood White Porcelain is the only Shiny thing I will now receive for my Birthday next week:
Close to 100%


Disclaimer:
Title only meant as a clever play on words. We are very happy with their work and it is certainly not their fault we chose to live in a Money Pit for a priceless location and sentimental ties.

Dear Mrs.

I am taking a brief blog moment, to inform you,
I no longer like you.
I no longer desire to be your friend.

If there was a 'Dislike' button on your blog, I would click it 3 separate times in a day. Maybe 4. Possibly 5.

I shall never vacation with you again.
That is... if we were ever invited back.
Holla Back Sweetbreads and Warhol!

I still find your children adorable, yet Tink will no longer be allowed to play with your girls, as I would feel guilty if Punkin and Shortcake repeated back the swear words I had maliciously spewed about their mother.

Your smile is like bug repellent.
Your laughter is repugnant.

In closing.
I do not care for you. I feel contempt for your presence in my family. I loathe the very idea of you. You are an abomination on my existence.

Sincerely-
Tru Stories.

PS:
In related news....
Yesterday, I registered for the 5:00pm Heat,
of the Warrior Race.
Hate.

We're Sorry... We were unable to Process your Request...

Yes.
You are So Very Right, Oprah.

January was not the right month for us.
Historically, January shows are dedicated to
"Making a Better You"... "Weight Loss is Your Friend".. "New Secrets to Softer Skin"... etc.
You will save your Big Guns for February Sweeps.
February will be our month.
Me and You.

There are numerous, valid reasons for why my Birthday was not Berry Perfect.
A Epic Day After Tomorrow Blizzard has always swept our state the week of my birthday.
It would have been beyond devastating, if I had dressed in my new outfit, brushed my newly highlighted hair and placed my perfectly manicured nails into gloves.... only to realize the Highway had been declared unsafe for travel.
I have barely recovered from several weather-related childhood Birthday cancellations.
Of course, You knew that.
Obviously, Your wisdom would include a Farmer's Almanac-like knowledge of such things.

Not to mention, we are so very busy with our Relay for Life Dance (coming January 29th).
See Oprah-
I love Charity work, just like you!
We are practically Twinsies.


February.
Of course, You are right.

Oprah, this is REALLY it.

Ok, Oprah.
Seriously. I mean Ser- Rious -Ly.
I submitted another batch of Ticket Requests today.
While browsing (stalking) your website (location of worldly knowledge) I could not help but notice, you are taping 2 (1 + 1 = 2) shows on my birthday (January 19th, the day I turn "Kinda, sorta a little Bit Old" according to my first born.)
Your studio seats, maybe 150 people?
(Fact. I Googled your studio. I Googled, cuz I care.) Which means close to 300 people (3 times 100) people will bask in your sunshiny gloriousness on my birthday. (Again, January 19th, the day I turn "Kinda, sorta a little Bit Old.") I only just want Four tix.
(I typed 'Tix' like 4 is so insignificant it's not worthy of hitting the keyboard enough to type "Tickets".)

So, let me remind You.
I Heart You. I more than Heart You.
I Triple Dog, Heart inside 3 more Hearts, You.
I have watched nearly every show for 25 years. (Thanks for the quality time after school, Mom.)
I am there for You. I WILL be there for You. These 5 words I swear to You. I will Bon Jovi for you. Whatever, it takes.

Therefore,
I, hand to my little-boy-chest-swear, to the Universe (see... I'm using The Secret) to The Oprah Gods, to Karma or happy Oprah Mojo... getting these 4 teeny, tiny Tix could honestly be the very best birthday present of my entire life. (and I am not famously known for having super great birthdays.)

Sincerely-
The Author of Tru Stories
aka Coach's wife, a sorta alright stay-at-home-mother (remember, the hardest job on the planet... 'your words!'), kinda pathetic sickly person (YES. I DiD just play the disabled card! I am not ashamed.) and girl who only wants one thing for her Birthday.
(that and a pedicure.)

**FYI- I would not be offended if my husband, friends, family and/or blog readers would launch a nationwide, Internet, phone and television campaign to gain Oprah's attention to my Birthday Wish,
"Tickets to The Oprah Winfrey Show."
Go ahead. I won't mind.

Now, I must sign off to watch more stimulating television programming on the OWN network. (Shameless plug of my devotion.)

Dear Thursday.

You have always been my favorite day of the week.
Thursday is so close to the weekend, without having all that Friday Pressure. Thursday has always had the best TV... way back to Family Ties. Thursday is my spaghetti dinner day. My relax at home with my Fam Day. I used to even have favorite Thursday outfits. Thursday, makes me happy.
Until yesterday.
Thursday did me wrong.
It started pretty ugly. The Kid did NOT want to wake up. Or go to school. He took a 26 minute shower with Coach banging on the door.
The middle of my day was ok enough. Free DQ lunch. We got some extra Coach time before coaching.
Then...about 3:24pm... The Storm Blew In.
The Kid, was NOT Hearting Thursday.
He had an awful day at school. He was worked into a frenzy. His day was so 'terrible' he could only write the details down on paper for us to read rather than voice them out loud. (yes, he is that dramatic.)
Coach ran the heck out of Dodge.
He returned from his Games 3 hours later, to a broken wife and mother.
In just 3 hours:
I had a long phone conversation with The teacher.
I spoke to Flag girl (she's not that fun.)
Spoke to my mother (she's less fun.)
Spoke to Doc (well... she is fun enough but you begin to hate her and her perfect life with her perfect children that do chores and are kind to others... blah.)
I ruled Homework Time.
Gave both girls a bath, which produced 2 gallons of water on the bathroom floor (Got wet socks, which alone is enough to ruin your day.)
Coco got out of the bath twice to pee on the floor.
Removed girls from Bath after I tortured them with washing their hair.
While Tink threw a screaming fit over wanting me to pick her up, so she could admire her toweled cuteness in the mirror...
Coco made a dash to The Kid's leather bedroom chair. Sat on it, peed again and continued to sit in her pee puddle. (obviously, I provide my children with too many beverages). Further contributing to The Kid's meltdown over the worst day of his life.

** Side note: You will notice The Kid either has the Best Day of his life or the Worst Day of his life.

Maneuvered sticky lotioned bodies into pajamas.
Had another meaningful talk with The Kid.
While Coco ripped a page from his library book.
(More melting down.)
Whipped up a 'contributing to all food groups' dinner of PB&J sandwiches and chips.
Played DVR'd Sesame Street twice.
Patiently (totally NOT patiently) waited for my husband to arrive home, then locked myself in the bedroom with my Grey's. (maybe with a small glass of wine. Ok... maybe it was a beer.)

Message Received, Thursday...
I am a slightly below average mother.
Got it.

I Heart our new Furnace.

5 days into the New Year and I have spent a cumulative 2 hours on Expedia.com researching warmer vacation locales.

Ahhh, January in Illinois.
How I loath thee....


Dear Expedia:
If you want to award my blog, a free 3 night trip to Na'Olens... we are totally game. We'll jump at the opportunity to run from our State and our Children.

I can NOT Blog.

My brain has been completely consumed by our Relay for Life Recycled Wedding Reception Dance. I am on the Internet... checking wedding sites, wedding music, emailing new ideas... I feel a little like a crazy bride.
Only, without a brand new engagement ring.
It is not pretty.



I can happily Blog the updated details of our dance.
(And just may, for 25 consecutive days. Dare me.)

When:
Saturday, January 29th 8:00pm-Midnight

Where:
The Hall

Can you buy tickets??
Yes! Your official invite arrived at the printers last night
(aka The Commissioner's home computer.)
$40 per couple or
$25 for Single
(We like to discriminate against single people, just in time for Valentine's. Kick ya when you're down.)

Where can I buy tickets??
From any team member or at Coach's Shop.

May I invite or encourage others to come??
Most Def! We are planning several activities which will only improve with a large crowd.

What age group is this geared towards??
ANY! More than ever, this dance has a little fun for everyone. This is the first year our music will be non-decade themed. We will amuse. And as always... you may dance, eat, drink (or not) socialize and be merry. You could simply stand in the corner and still not help but smile, in spite of yourself. (Just ask my father!)

And Last...

What should I wear?
In the past, we have had several arrive in jeans.
(we still let them in and they STILL had fun.)

Other Ideas:
1. An old Wedding dress
(your mother's, your sister's, a thrift store, Ebay)

2. An old Bridesmaids dress
(snatch one back from your very own wedding!)

3. Arrive in a group and form a wedding party.
4. Mimic a famous wedding. Pam and Tommy, Pam and Kid Rock, Ross and Rachel's Vegas Wedding, Dennis Rodman's stunt, The Corpse Bride and her groom, Princess Di and her Dorky Prince.

5. Every wedding needs guests. Arrive as The Mother of the Bride. A Ring Bearer. Or simply dress cute.

Why should you come?
We really put on a show.
We will entertain, we promise.

Each and every dollar we earn, will benefit Relay for Life. Our team has suffered several losses from Cancer. We have a team member, whom currently benefits from Cancer Centers and their doctors. We have watched Cancer affect both children and adults in our community and we want to help. Our team is young, talented, devoted and very creative. With your continued support, we will happily (and foolishly) entertain for years to come.
We sorta enjoy the humiliation.

Support Your Local Businesses.
Support Your Local Charities.
And Support Your Local Small Town Clowns!