Saturday, February 6, 2010

Week-end reading

Have you heard of the site "Sh$t my Dad Says"?
(FYI- it's awesome.)

This man types short quotes from his father. Recently, they began working on a sitcom/writing deal based on the blog.


I have a cousin (well, I have at least 75 cousins, then Coach has another 175).

I have this Cousin, who uses an Internet outlet to occasionally type the random thoughts, bouncing around his head.
And they are hilarious.
Not too appropriate, not for young children, the faint of heart or maybe for most religious or morally decent people....remove all of the above....and it is funny stuff.

For your weekend reading pleasure, I am posting a few snippets.

When and If a Producer happens upon this blog and would like to offer Cousin, a sitcom....I'll expect a finders fee. At this time, I am with-holding his identity for him (and his poor family's) privacy.

Cousin- I apologize for blatantly ripping off your material...we'll discuss my percentage of the profits, later.

Therefore:

Introducing... 'Crazy Crap My Cousin Says'.

*I know you didn't mean to, but thank you for leaving the mirror there. Otherwise, I never would have noticed that rash.

*The wife informed me last night that she got me an early Valentine's gift...she set me up with a trainer! Apparently, Hallmark no longer makes the card that reads, "This Valentine's Day..(open card)..I'd like you to be a little less revolting\ repulsive \ disgusting."

*End of the first week with Trainer Shawn. I have a long way to go. Apparently, the only thing I did well was on a machine called the Defibulator.

*A mother's love: Her "Do you see this scar? I touch this scar and it reminds me of you and how proud I am of you. I love you." Child "I love you too, Mom...but that is an episiotomy scar....and everyone else is trying to eat..."

*How in the world did the Groundhog ritual get so accepted that it has actually made our calendar? Next November, will there be a day set aside for "wooly worms" to tell us how cold the winter will be? I predict winter will last until March 20th. Then again, I have a calendar..not a shadow.

*At times, naval lint may look and feel like gray cotton candy. However, it does not taste the same.

*Glen Bell Jr, founder of Taco Bell, has died. Mourners can walk in and pay their respects until 9:00...or through the drive up window until midnight.

*I understand the misfortune of razor burn...I just think I am too young to have this in my nasal cavity.

*Life lesson learned - Buying extra toilet paper is a good thing. Storing it in the hall closet is not. Walking down the hall like a penguin to retrieve said paper can ruin even the best of dinner parties.

*Mark McGuire admits to steroid use. You can read more about it in this month's copy of DUH! Magazine. For those who are shocked about this, you may also enjoy the other articles - the earth is not flat, Tiger is not faithful, and Liberace is not straight.

*Due to age, I am sad to report the "Big Unit" can no longer perform. In a related note, Randy Johnson has retired from baseball.

*Over winter break, my mom asked me to read "The Shack". I found it interesting and thought provoking. However, I was disappointed that there was nothing in there about his filming 'Kazaam', nor his issues with Kobe.

*Second week complete with Trainer Shawn. It was tough. He kept asking me why I was here. I explained I wanted to fly jets. Apparently, his grandmother also wants to fly jets. He wanted me DOR until I explained that I have no where else to go. I got no where else....

*A mushy V-day thought. Someone once said, "If you love someone, set her free." I disagree. I think if you love someone, you should take her picture. You know they hate this, so take the picture when she is not expecting it...like the shower. Then, show that picture to all your friends so they know that she is your one true love. ♥


There, you have it.
I know that made your weekend better.

Tune in on Monday, I will cleanse the blog palate with a sweet post on Tink and her cousins!

1 comment:

Anderson Family said...

This is hilarious stuff! Let's just put it out there that our family is super funny, sometimes inappropriate funny. I don't care how many times I read some of his stuff, I still laugh.
I got no where else to go........