The Wal-Mart crowd, is not opposed to beating children.

In the last few weeks, Oprah has had several conversations with me about my eating habits.
Yes, Father-in-law, she personally had this talk with me. We are friends.
She informed me, that my children and especially my husband, are high risk for an entire list of Pop-tart related illnesses.
And obviously, Oprah is an expert on poor eating habits.
Today, after a quick lunch at Taco Bell: We headed into Wal-Mart to change our lives.
Our plan (and when I say our, I mean my plan, for which Coach very reluctantly agreed too but he really would prefer the Heart Attack.)
Therefore, our plan....will begin with a slow and steady upgrade from one unhealthy item to a slightly, kinda more healthy item. Baby steps, as not to shock Tink and Coach's system.
Tink, is a very observant shopper.
She is not easily distracted by the glitz and glam of Wal-Mart. She will sweetly and annoyingly repeat each item dropped into the cart. She realized real quick something from this trip, was not like the others. No need for a Sesame Street Sing along.
It began, as we shimmied past the frozen food aisle. Tink paused, became uncomfortable....Coach and her made confused eye contact, as I put distance between the frozen pizza and themselves.
Next, we picked up the 100% fruit snacks and did not grab the Barbie snacks.
Restlessness, turned into mild protest.

"Tink, we need to eat better."

"No, I can't neber eat bedder. I not healfy!"

In the same aisle, no Capn Crunch (Coach grabbed at his chest) no Cinnamon Toast Crunch and no Lucky Charms. Instead, I grabbed Multi Grain Cheerios.

"I can't do dat! I can't eat dat! I need da Charms!"
(above quote, may have been from either Tink or Coach.)

I skipped past the granola bars and grabbed raisins and craisins.

"I can't neber like raidins! My brodar can't never like dose!"
(speaking on her brother's behalf may seem endearing and yet, I recognize this as desperation.)

At this point, she is still calm, by Tink standards.

Until, the juice aisle. I did not grab 5 boxes of Capri Sun. Instead, we grabbed the 100% apple juice packs. In nearly, identical boxes, only one spot over on the shelf.
This little girl, apparently, is intelligent enough to recognize the wording and color difference on a box of apple juice vs. a Mountain Breezes Capri Sun.
Melt Down.
Red face, cart clutching, hair frizzing, voice screeching, soup can throwing Melt Down.

"I can't never drink dat purple box! I can't get dat! I can't neber be healfy! I can't get big like mum! I can't be tallb! No. I stay liddle, I be liddl. Get de blue box!"

Play on repeat, for 5 more aisles, check out, walking towards the van....pause for a nap on the ride home...press play again the second we pull into the driveway...and for another ten solid minutes.

Coach was frazzled, he barely argued as I grabbed the Multi Grain bread. He pleaded, to let them go to the van and wait for me. This Dad, seriously lacks a firm hand, during a Tink Fit.

Day 1 (well, half day counting the Taco Bell lunch) of trying to better my children's health: Not a success.

Their vote: They would rather stay under 3ft tall and suffer from rickets, than part ways with Barbie fruit snacks and a Capri Sun.

Coach's vote: He is pretty sure Freschetti Pizza, may be more healthy, than I realize.
Plus, I am a mean wife and mother.