Thursday, March 24, 2011

Black Magic Woman

Last night, someone told me... one of her friends has a fiance, that may be the person in South Africa, reading my blog. Crazy! Intellectually, I realize, if you put your life on the Internet, people you have never met may read this. Still, understanding hundreds (maybe thousands?) of people follow our little family... is hard to imagine. To me, I just have 37 Lil ol' Peeps (33 of which, I am related too) who routinely check to see if my kids have gotten cuter (they have) or if Coach is still funny (He is).
Today, the world will know my mother is a witch. (no... I am not just talking about her personality.)
Last week, Grammy performed an exorcism on our home, to expel Doomsday Dan and his buddy BadLuck Chuck. Oh.. You didn't know Grammy was Wicken?
She trained for years (15 minutes on Google), with her grandmother, after locating her perfect spell, she ventured into her secret cellar for supplies (some hippie shop at the Mall).

First, Grammy lit incense and walked slowly through each room, to determine the direction the smoke would blow. If it floated up, the room was clean and without ugly vibes. The only room, which the smoke floated side-wayz... was our bedroom.
(Don't blame us! Sometimes that room gets a little PG13, if ya know wat I sayin....Holla Back ya'll..!)

Next, she lit a giant 'smudger' and began smudging the bad vibes from our person. We each had to read a little chant from her spell book (paper printed from her Google search). Coco hid behind my legs, The Kid nervously laughed hysterically and Tink,
ummmm... have you seen Tru Blood, when their bodies shake and convulse as the demon fights within?? It looked a little something like that.

Coach arrived home during this process. He stood still to get smudged, chatting as he barely noticed Grammy, Mr. Mojo Rising-ed the bad spirits out of an open door. She then began voodoo-ing salt on our windows and doorways. Still, as Coach hardly reacted... as if he is accustomed to his Mother-in-Law stopping over with new pink headbands for the girls and a few Chants to the Mother Earth... on the side.

8 days later... and no major financial disasters or stitches to be sewn. Fingers are crossed. If you need a house cleansing or a personal exorcism of any kind,
Contact Grammy at:
1-800-She's a Quack or

She prefers to work in the evenings and would probably only charge: your first born or maybe a few teeth or possibly just a Snickers.


Flag Girl said...

Been to that hippie store! Very cool!
My house IS HAUNTED!.We are friends! No need to hire Grammy!


Unknown said...

It must not have been a complete success. Daughter is still wicked mean.
People I have enough material to do a few more houses. Appointments are necessary. I need some specifics to pull the correct spell from my book (google search it).
Grammy's House Cleansing Service

Coach said...


Flag Girl said...

Sadly I noticed the PG-13. Condolences to you and Jennifer

Chili said...

You mean he can't even make an R rating.

Anonymous said...

Of all the remarks made about Coach.....seems he's on the defense about this one....-TMIhol

Tru Stories said...

Sorry to offend my husband. I have to remember elder/related people are reading my blog.
But my big, strong man is no PG13.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Tru Stories, do you have a boyfriend we don't know about?