Have we, the northern half of our nation, considered that we are living in a permanent state of Grey Tundra?
That we have been transported to a scene from Day After Tomorrow.
And that the government has conspired, with all meteorologists, to keep the truth from us, out of fear of mass hysteria?
Have you considered that the only way for you and/or your children to ever see sunshine again, would be to immediately book a trip to a Caribbean Breezes Resort that is currently advertising for 70% off all trip packages...and yet thanks to Haiti, you are terrified to travel to any tropical island?
Yet, if you took that chance, would you learn a valuable lesson from the surviving tourists that were sunbathing by the pool, rather than the unfortunate that were relaxing inside the building as it collapsed?
That sunshine is good, and may not only save your life from an apocalyptic earthquake, but also from a really depressing mood that is gripping your mind from deep in the depths of a Midwestern winter.
Or that possibly, by recently posting that the freckles on your face were regrettable reminders that you spent too many hours in the pool as a teenager...you have essentially, pissed off the Sun Gods so fervently, that they have shunned you from their warmth, permanently banishing you to flannel pajama pants, stupid-used-to-be cute snow boots that now make me shudder each time I put them on and the couch cover of fuzzy blankets.... never again, to enjoy a tank top, flip-flops and sunglasses?
(Pajama Pants Gods- I do not mean to insult thee, either.)
I'm just wondering....have you even considered the possibility?
I would hate for you to be shocked, when the government finally admits the conspiracy come May, when we are still under a blanket of snow and ice. At which point, do not bother sending Dennis Quaid to rescue me. For I will have perished from starvation long before, from beneath my bed covers, with reality TV flashing in the background, because if I have to carry a car seat in and out of this weather one more time (which possibly resulted in a complete and total wipe out last night, severely injuring my tail bone not to mention my dignity) I... really... may... scream.
Coach- Save our children, while you still can.
Though, I am pretty sure, Tink will volunteer to go down with my ship.
FYI- If you are one of my loyal AZ followers (and I typically love you all) it would be in your best interest not to Comment something ridiculous about how 'falling snow is peaceful and beautiful' because you can trust that it is significantly less beautiful, if you are looking up at it from your back, as you lay on a patch of ice. Be warned, that would not be a smart idea.