Monday, August 8, 2011

Yoga Relaxation- Inside My Head

This past weekend, I attended two yoga workshops. I am very rarely, a student (rather than an instructor) in a yoga class. It was a nice and relaxing change. However, you can't help but notice little things, when left in your own silence. (i.e. The heavy breathing of the person next to you.) Most noticeable, the teacher did not use music. As a result, during Relaxation, you are left to your thoughts.
I know, I know... You are supposed to release into the silence. Completely clear the mind. Just let the body 'Beeee.' All easier said than done. I am a famously, Unrelaxed mind. I think, I worry, I ponder.... This particular class, held Relaxation for Twelve Long Silent Minutes. This was the silent mess inside my head:


Ok. Deep breath. Clear the thoughts....Be quiet... ugh, why is that guy breathing so loud? Is that what my breathing sounds like? Ok... seriously. Quiet. Quiet. Alright, how about a prayer..

Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread....

Bread.... I am STARVING! I should stop by Panera, since I am in town. I wonder if they have a drive-thru. It would be pretty hard to eat soup in the new van. I shouldn't order soup, anyway. It's only good if I get it with bread. God knows, I would look better in a swim suit if I would stay the bleep away from bread... I wonder if my mom took the kids swimming today?? Probably. Then Coach won't even have to watch the kids... he never has to watch the kids... I am with them all freakin day and then he goes and plays 6 softball games in one week! and....
Ok. Wait. Settle it down.
Deep breath. Why is it SO quiet in here? And freezing? I am seriously freezing. Warhol would probably love it if my class were this cold. At least they pass out blankets. I wish I could afford to have blankets and block for everyone in my studio. Except, I wonder how often they wash these?? What if they have bedbugs?? That Law and Order with the bedbugs was freaky! Where is their washer and dryer anyway? They would have to drag 25 thick blankets up and down stairs... Maybe I don't want blankets.
Except..... I want music!
Would a little Enya kill anyone?
Ok, try praying again...
Where did I stop?

Bread.. oh, Panera. Daily bread... and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass... Oh, forget it. How about a little Gratefulness...

I am grateful for my healthy children.
For my intelligent son.
For my tiny Tink.
For my happy Coco, except she is so gross. But super beautiful. We should take another family picture. Maybe I should stop by Target and for dresses...
How long is this relaxation??? Jenny Hogan would lose her mind, if I held my relaxation this long. Come on! You complain about the noise of the kids ALL the time. Quiet your stupid mind! Quiet... Quiet...
I think my stomach is gonna growl. I hope it's not loud. I totally feel it coming. What if it is like echo off the walls kind of loud?! I am so hungry.... I should drive-thru somewhere. Nobody is gonna hear my stomach over that guy's 'Prana' breathing.

It's gotta be almost over. But then they are gonna chant. Chanting makes me want to roll my eyes and laugh at the same time.... I sorta feel like laughing now. What if I did? What if I just crazy laughed right now? What if I just yelled out?! Super loud. Like I told One, I was gonna do at his graduation. I totally should have done that. It would have been awesome....

Ok... almost over.
Then the chanting.
Then I can leave and eat.
What if we chanted in my class?
Sweetbreads would probably stop coming.
I like her hair....

... I am grateful for my yoga practice. I am grateful, I own a home. What if I were homeless? I am such a jerk, complaining about Panera. What if I couldn't afford to eat? I'm hungry. What if we were homeless?... I should make dentist appts for the kids. Well, first doctors appts. I should do that before school starts... I could get them new clothes at Target.
We need toilet paper.


Etc. Etc. Etc.
And that... honestly..
Was probably just the first 3 minutes.


The Mrs. said...

Am I the only one that lifts her head slightly and peeks out of one eye to make sure I'm not the only one in relaxation pose? Sometimes I think I might have missed instruction thereby leaving me as the lone idiot laying on my back with my eyes closed while everyone else sits staring at me.

And yes, I have a touch of paranoia. Why do you ask?

Anonymous said...

Deep Thoughts by Tru spin off. -don't relaxmyjawtillI'mtoldhol

Munchkin said...

fantastic... I also like it when you say to let your hair fall away from your face because i know my helmet of an afro isn't moving

i heart panera

Sweetbreads Bailey said...

I can relate...I make lists during relaxation. I can't imagine if there were chanting...I wouldn't be able to hear JHO cracking her knuckles.

Cath said...

I can relate too, just reading this made my mind wander to how much I really want some brocolli cheddar soup from Panera, I need wipes from Target, how I really need to get my lazy ass back to Yoga after the baby gets here, I haven't seen Jenni Hogan in forever, the radio station I'm listening to plays the same bleeping songs over and over, I should turn on Pandora to something relaxing like Enya, but then that would make me want to take a nap, which made me scold myself for staying up until Midnight to do dishes & watch Two & a half men.

ct said...

this is exactly how i would be at yoga!!!! hilarious.

Tru Stories said...

Cathy... that was funny.
Well done.

And Warhol... one of your best "...hols..." in awhile.