Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dear Clark, Doc and Mrs.....

In one week, you will complete a half-marathon.
This post, is your sun-shiney, happy-happy thoughts, Good-luck Love letter from Me to You:

You have willingly decided to run 13 miles. I am unconvinced, this is a good idea in any capacity. You've assured me, there really IS NOT a bear chasing you OR an ax murderer OR a poltergeist-like image. (see... I went with poltergeist, because of U of I's mascot being an Indian.)

Apparently, you really are running just for fun. (weird)
And if that is your Bucket List. I will support you.
(With more flare, than Clark has supported my Oprah dream. Cuz I am the better person.)

I am still confused, about paying for the race. It seems more likely, I would have joined, had someone offered to pay me. I am equally bewildered, you have trained (practiced) on your free weekends, by already running eleven miles. Multiple times. I am certain, a Jersey Shore Marathon or possibly cutting your leg hair with a butter knife, would have been time better spent.
Again, people have dreams. And this is yours.

Thanks to your training, your hearts are stronger, your butts are tighter and your will is more fierce... than mine. You have proven, your Superflyawesomeness glaringly outshines mine and after Saturday, will officially outshine Coach's. (at least for a month or so.) Still, I am comfortable knowing, I am more intelligent than you... because long ago, I learned vehicles were invented to carry a person on trips of several miles and I took that learned information and "ran with it."

I wish you all:
Swift feet, clear minds, charged IPODs, confident hearts, sunshine, double-tied tennis shoes, determination and much love. Literally, go chase your dreams. Even if a bear, is really not chasing you...

And to answer the Mrs.'s question, "Would I like to participate in a run after Easter Dinner??"
Yes. Of course, I would. I'd also like to celebrate the day 'The Lord Hath Risened' with the following ideas:

1. Slowly sticking the knife from our sliced ham, under each fingernail, while singing gentle hymns.

2. Painting whiskers on my face and hopping naked, around the children, during the egg hunt.

3. Having a Cadbury Cream Egg eating contest.
Winner is the last to puke.

4. At the end of Mass, standing up and shouting
"Holla Back Father! That was not nearly enough religion for me, let's go for another hour, beyitches!!"

...Or maybe....

5. Eating an entire basket of plastic Easter grass, while wearing a crown of thorns, as Gramma reads the passages, beginning with The Last Supper and ending sometime around Mary finding the empty tomb.
In the original Latin text.

All of which, sounds equally as fun, as running.
Good luck next weekend Clark, Doc and Mrs.
We all love you!


Munchkin said...

you have no idea how much i will pay you to do that at the end of mass... no really

The Mrs. said...

I really can feel the love. Your sunshiney happiness is what will push me through those last two miles.

And the Cadbury Cream Egg eating contest? I think that idea has some serious potential.

The General said...

Chief Illiniwek is the symbol of the university, not a mascot . . .

and I vote you do #2 and #4.

Unknown said...

Dear Tru Stories: I will miss you in heaven. Love, Your Mother

Unknown said...

PS: I am in for the Cadberry Contest. I think I already started.

Anonymous said...

I'm also in for the Cadbury Cream Eggs. Now there's an idea I can get excited about!!