Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why the Heck, have I been Ignoring My Blog.....?

It has been mentioned (though very rarely) that I am not a 'well' person. I can be rather...sickly. I do a pretty good job, on a near daily basis, of tending to my illness. Though, there are times, our life gets the best of me and slowly but surely I succumb to my illness. Sometimes (most of the time) there are little warnings. Occasionally, It seems to just knock me down, for the heck of it.
This, is one of those times.
(Not really, it tried to warn me. I was just So Busy!)

Being chronically ill makes me angry.
(which is putting it nicely)
Like really angry.
Kinda mad at the world, ticked off, P O'd kind of angry.

When I am ill, I am less of myself.
Less of a mother. Less of a wife. Less of a friend, neighbor, yoga instructor, daughter, person, blogger... Just Less.
And I am more of a hassle, more needy, wanting, more dependent on those around me.
And all of that. Makes me Angry.
I Hate not caring for my children to the very best of my mothering abilities, I Hate laying around in bed, I Hate canceling classes, or missing events, or dropping the ball on my responsibilities.
I do not do 'Dependent' very well.
And yet, being Chronically Ill, does not seem to care, what I think.

Coach (creepily) kinda enjoys me sick. I am more quiet. More tame. My being ill, puts him 'In Charge'. A position he would never want to carry on a daily basis, but he occasionally enjoys the power. My being ill, kinda sorta, forces me to admit... I need him.
And my mom, and his mom, and sister-in-laws.
This being the holidays and all,
I should probably admit:
I am grateful, I have people who care.
I am grateful, for my husband.
I am grateful, for my mother.
And his mother... and my sister-in-laws and my understanding Yogis and the several other people in the community, this sometimes affects.

I'm not very good, at admitting my weakness:
So this post is a pretty Big Deal.
Living with a chronic illness, is a daily battle of emotional acceptance, in addition to maintaining my physical health.
I accept this week, 'The Newt' won...
Thanks for the reminder.
Now... Go Away.
Being sick for the holidays, is completely, unacceptable.

5 comments:

The Page Turner said...

Reading this, I almost feel like you have grown up.

Anonymous said...

Wish I could take it away, but knowing you are taking care of yourself gives us all a lift. Even those without chronic ilness need help once in a while. Hang in there. You are doing great! Gramma G

flag girl said...

It's boring around here when your sickly.

I'm bored.......

Cath said...

Boo to sickly-getter in the wayer of funner days.
Feel better soon, I miss my daily laughs!

The Mrs. said...

Get well vibes coming your way. We have a celebration to attend on Friday!