Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tis The Season....

for Joy and Cheer. For sweet tasting cookies and smile inducing Christmas cards. For time spent with friends and remembering to honor the gift of family, home and love... which God has blessed to you.

Tis ALSO the season, for stress. Empty checking accounts. Fitting your 'sweet cookie tasting' rear-end into holiday clothes. And just feeling annoyed.

Therefore, let's finish the year, with another round of:
"Who would you Jack??" TM- myself.

Here are the rules:

1. Pick a person, for example...
your 5th grade teacher or your sister.

2. Premise:
You march up to this person, pause and then Jack them square in the face. They will retain this information for approximately 9 seconds (long enough to react with an expression of recognition but not actually rise to hit you back) and then their mind goes blank, never to be the wiser. Said person, would be completely unaffected, not even a bruise. You, however, would have a victorious skip in your step and sly smile across your face.
All the while, Karma, God and/or your Grandmother, will look in the other direction.

3. Sooo... Who would you Jack?

Maybe your first reaction may be:
Tru Stories is a seriously terrible person!
Who would invent such an awful game!!?
After you get past all that.... Think on this for a minute or two. Let it soak in.
Is their someone who has offended you?
Made your child cry? Or rubbed you the wrong way?
Flirted with your husband?
Prances about, owning the world, as if they couldn't use a good smacking?
Stole your boyfriend in the 7th grade?
Has a voice, which grates your soul?

Now, make your list.
Safely in your mind, or share with a VERY close friend, not prone to blabber mouth syndrome.
Or post in my Comments!! Even more fun.

My List may possibly include:
1. The teacher's voice on Charlie Brown.
2. Several staff members from Bromenn.
3. Sons of Anarchy finale.
4. Lady Gaga and her clothes.
5. Occasionally my father. (no judgement!)
6. How old is The Kid's sassy mouth??
7. Flag Girl's lack of morning phone time.
8. Adults ignoring their nephew's plight.
9. Joy Behar
10. My total lack of WBCs.
11. Jerry Sandusky etc...etc....

Therefore... Who would YOU Jack?

1. I have NEVER punched someone. And do not plan on it in my lifetime. Please, do not stop reading my blog, out of moral protest.

2. You are not allowed anyone under the age of 17 on your list. Unless you are a parent of a teenager...then do what you need to do. No judgement.


Flag Girl said...

Flag girls lack of phone time really is ridiculous...

The General said...

So far I have:

Jerry Sandusky
Yancy Gates
Cheikh Mbodj
The entire cast of "So Random"

Tru Stories said...

I'd like to add the genius who designed the pick-up line/system at the Grade School.
That may be a Double Jack.

ct said...

first thoughts

1. the whole kardashian clan
2. spongebob
3. blagojevich
4. obama
5. att reps

Sweetbreads Bailey said...

2.The people that interrupt relaxation during Yoga
3.My downstairs neighbors and their dog (is it ok to punch a dog?)
4. My phone service
5. The phrase 'Turkey Day'
6. Katy Perry songs (I'm in the car a LOT)

Unknown said...

1. All actors that play on the Disney Channel pre-teen shows.
2. All producers that put "see above" shows on the air.
3. Brandon & Brad
4. My brother Jim, because he was always bigger than me and his punches hurt more.
5. Blagojevich
6. An old boss who was an a**
In the name of the Christmas Season, I will end my list. I think I could fill a book. Once I got started it just flowed.

Anonymous said...

1. People still sporting Obama/Biden bumper stickers
2.Kathy Griffin and her relatives
3.Smart Car owners
4.Whomever Sweetbreads tells me to.
5. Tom Bergeron
6. most 99%ers...get a #@#%$% job!
7. salesmen
9. people who think they are better than me when clearly Im better
10. Richard Krug! hope you read this blog chubs

I used to be a Hooker said...

Ok, I'll play.
1. Jerry Sandusky, that sick bastard.
2. I'll second the grade school drop off, pick up mastermind.
3. Cancer. I'd like to quadruple punch it.
4. That person above me who listed Kathy Griffin.
5. People who call the house phone during nap time.
6. People who think about calling the house phone during nap time.
7. Bruno Mars, specifically for the line in the Lazy Song 'have some really great (you know what).' I don't want to hear that crap on the radio when I'm riding with my kids. I'm going to have to explain that soon enough, Mr. Mars. Double punch.

Tru Stories said...

This Comment Section, just may turn into the best day of my life.

Unknown said...

There was this other boss that I had for a short time. He would say, "what do you think." What he meant was "don't you think I'm right." He would harp on and on waiting for me to say he was right. I want him in line more than once.

Unknown said...

Tru Stories Dad. Don't judge.

Anonymous said...

1. the guy how made me spend two hours on the phone with his insurance company yesterday over a $36 copay (for $400 worth of medicine), call them yourselves you lazy POS

2. 99% of Walmart employees

3. all the jackasses that drive 45mph down Ocoya blacktop

3. the guy who asked if I was a nurse too or "just a pharmacist"

4. people who ask for my "professional opinion" all the while trying to either tell me why I'm wrong or convince me to "change" my opinion to agree with the box of medication that they're already holding, please people, the list of people that waste my time on a daily basis is far too long already

5. Mark Zuckerberg (for both the addiction and the constant changes)

6. the inventor of forever lazy

7. Ndamukong Suh

8. Whoever wrote tonight's episode of Glee

9. The stupid high schoolers that drive way too fast through my subdivision in nicer cars than I have (I'm so close to going Claire Dunphy on their asses)

10. Any company that gives you that window of time, let's all just come to terms with the fact that that window is never from 12-5, it's from 6am to 6am the next morning

Any chance any of this came off as anonymous?

I'll be back tomorrow, I have so many more but I have to sleep

Unknown said...

Thank you Munchkin. You made me laugh hard. The Claire Dunphy comment, awesome! The I'll be back tomorrow. Seriously, laughing out loud.

Munchkin said...

1. Whoever designed the garbage pick up schedule. My garbage gets picked up at 6:15 and every other week it's my day off. Why the bleep are their brakes so freaking loud?

ct said...

i also liked the claire dunphy comment!

also gonna agree with "i used to be a hooker" on cancer!

- noah from "revenge".....super annoying

- people who take advantage of you and only think of themselves....

- whoever invited cosmic brownies

- the amtrak personnal on saturday trip home from chicago

-myself for not completing college before i had children....super smart idea there?

it's early.....i might be back later!

Anonymous said...

This is to "I probably am a Hooker"....do you want to jack me.. or Kathy Griffin...keep in mind your name could change with your answer...-johnhol

Tru Stories said...


1. YES!! Last night's Glee.
2. Angelina Jolie (I'm still/always Team Jennifer)
3. The Duggars (be grateful for what God already gave you!!)
4. Jay Leno
5. The new, every other week, recycle pick-up.
6. The republican party for not being able to come up with better choices... Dang, I'm about to run!
7. Coach- for acting like he is too kind/good to have a Jack list.
8. The pouring rain, in mid-December.
9. oh... has anyone mentioned Jerry Sandusky???
10. Bars which may rhyme with BayBees.

Bird said...

1. My husband for not helping me around the house or for doing it half way.
2. A friend who thinks that working an 8 hour shift will kill her.
3. I agree with Sweetbreads on those people that disturb relaxation.
4. The nurses that were not smart enough to think to bring mom a recliner yesterday.
5. My aunt's boyfriend. He's useless and needs to get a job.
6. Another friend who moved away and has lost contact.

Bird said...

Forgot one...the guy in charge of taking Q101 off the air. I have NOTHING to listen to that even comes close in comparison.

Flag Girl said...

1. People who blame others for the choices they have made

2. Whoever is not nice to #1 or #3

3. When I get invited a "home party" but am told....just come...you don't need to buy anything...

4. Did I say people who blame others for the choices they have made?

5. Mall Santa's ( I don't know why)

6. Mens Fruit of the Loom White Briefs

7.Again...to sum it up..people who blame others for the choices they have made.

Anonymous said...

WOW...how did I ever overlook that one?!...Oh yeah, I want him to remember that jack long after the 9 seconds are up. -lorddoIhopeyoureadthebloghol

Unknown said...

The person I just talked on the phone to where Joel spent 7 weeks. They will get around to forwarding paperwork for disability in a week or two. They have already had it two weeks. Things are really backed up around there. Hey, thanks for the help. No big deal!

Doc said...

Ohhh I'm so glad this game came back around!! In no particular order:

1.People who mope around at work & act sick & dumb. Call in sick! I don't care if your sick or not..don't come to work!

2.Or people who can't decide if they are to sick to come to work and want me to decide for them. (This really happens)

3.People who think they know everything after being in our department after a few months.

4.A physicians and his office staff that are completely incapable of managing their schedule..and others suffer because of their stupidity and lack of skills.

5.People who yell or try to talk to me when I am clearly the phone with a physician or my sister.

6.An idiot who cannot live with the life choices it has made and blame all others except for the idiot's own self. But this is more than just a jack..there would be numerous jacks....and it would include a multitude of "Commish like" powerful roundhouses...and the pain would last much longer than a few seconds..visible wounds are fine with me...

WOW...do I feel much better!! Thank you!!

Coach said...

1)Everyone on Doc's list, because she sounded a little scary and I wanna be on her side.

2)People who can't take the time to support their childrens sports.

3)The View, all of them.

4)My fantasy football team.

5)Dogs are a legit answer.

6)BIG RED, don't know her real name, don't want too.

7)Clay and Jemma, from Son's

8)Snotty people

Unknown said...

Merry, Merry Christmas Tru Stories. Are you happy now? You got sweet Doc and Coach to show their mean side. (Doc scared me just a little bit.) What next, Grandma G?
Do you think we could start a site called, People I Want to Jack, and just leave it up. What a great anger release. Bet we could get sponsors.

Munchkin said...

I'll sponsor it myself, I have anger issues, I need this

The Mrs. said...

I'm still struggling to come up with a list other than that sleaze ball Jerry Sandusky and basically all politicians from the state of Illinois (especially those directly responsible for mismanaged pension funds). Too much holiday cheer perhaps? I'll admit it did heart my heart a little to see sun-shiny Coach and Doc unleash their dark side. As Punkin would say: Dat was SCAWEE!

Chili said...

The #1 one on my list may actually happen for real.

The General said...

I also agree with the phrase "Turkey Day" and whoever was responsible for taking Q101 off the air.

On a side not my word verification for today was "shlong".

Coach said...

General, I finally got your side note, I couldn't figure out what you were talking about. I can not stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

Ok TruStories after much consideration here it is:
1. Kathy from the Eric and Kathy radio show.
2. The rude female bartender from the Country Club who refuses to wait on anyone who is not a man.
3. The rapper from Dwight??????
4. Patients who come to see the doctor and don't understand that we do charge a fee.
5. Father time for making my kids grow up so fast and me getting older way to fast.
6. People who don't appreciate how lucky they are to have both parents alive and well.
7. Mutual friend for 20 years who for some reason choose sides after a divorce.
8. And finally a certain basketball coach at DTHS.

I used to be a Hooker said...

1. Johnhol. For sure.
2. Cancer. Again and again.
3. All of the Republican presidential candidates plus Sarah Palin just because she exists.
4. Dr. offices that say they will call back and never do.
5. Dr. Phil, ugh.
6. 2,3,5 and 6 from anonymous's above post. Wish I could like that comment. I love it.
7. The Duggars - not for having so many kids but for having them and making it look easy to raise good children.
8. People who complain about money yet will be having a much nicer Christmas than me. I think that goes back to previous jacks re: people and choices.
9. Barking dogs.
10. Johnhol again. What did Kathy Griffin ever do to you? And her mom? How can you not like a 90-year-old who loves a good box of wine?

Anonymous said...

Dear "I couldn't make it as a hooker" Kathy Griffin is the loud pissed off annoying friend that is with every hot girl in turn scaring the men away. She is NOT funny or clever, she should be filing papers in a back room somewhere. As for her sweet mother, I do not want to jack her, and her uncle was a very fine and funny man...I want to jack people farther down the family tree.

Unknown said...

The person that decided that a standard day of work is 7:45 hours. Why not 5?
(FYI - Today I am back to work all day. All 7:45 hours of the day.)

Coach said...

I would like to see Warhol and the Hooker duke it out, this is fun.

Anonymous said...

I think "I knocked up a hooker" would put me away...I DO NOT want to jack a hooker ie:Eddie Murphy, just the love of her life KATHY GRIFFIN

Tru Stories said...

1. Donald Trump
2. Ugly sweater events (haven't we all worn enough ugly clothes?)
3. Many of the slow, easy movin shoppers at Wal-mart, this morning.

Munchkin said...

1. The kids who are grandchildren of the couple across the street that think it's perfectly acceptable to expand their game of football into my front yard... be respectful, ask first

2. People who run up to my dog and talk to her in a high pitched voice and then get scared when she takes a step towards them... she's not scary and if you don't want her to touch you don't run up to her like a bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

3. Whoever invented modern day health insurance... and whoever disagrees with me about the issues associated with modern day health insurance, and the health insurance crisis, and basically any opinion about health care and it's cost until you have worked in the industry - I don't set the MF prices people

4. Ndamukong Suh (did I say him already?)

5. People who chew with their mouth open or make that slapping gum noise, seriously I almost punched the dog just thinking about it

ct said...

i love the anonymous writer's #2....i think we all know who that is!!!! i would jack her too!

Tru Stories said...

"seriously I almost punched the dog just thinking about it..."

That Comment was amazing.

I used to be a Hooker said...

Oh I agree with health insurance. I would actually bump that up to my all-time No. 1, even past jackasshol. I just got a nice little Christmas email today - 'just a reminder we're raising your premiums (again, for the second time this year. we dinged you once already for getting old and turning 30 ).'
They're coming for you next, birthday boy Coach.

Cath said...

Hey youdon'tknowwhoyou'remessinghol- i hope I'm around next time you & I used to be a hooker are in the same room. Knowing how she hearts the bleep outta Kathy Griffen you will Truly remember the jack you're going to get. It's going to be awesome! Well, for us, not so much your face

Munchkin said...

I'm trying to figure out how to make this comment section my homepage, it makes me so happy...

and TS, I knew you'd like that

Anonymous said...


Bird said...

The lady at the wrestling meet giving me evil eyes as she was making comments about how these kids weren't parented right. Newsflash lady NONE of those kids are mine!

Bookkeeper said...

TS, you really have to make this a blog all of it's own. I'm really enjoying reading the comments. Now for my jack list:
1. The person who turned A&E into a cop/Crime channel. Where does Art and Entertainment come into that? Used to be a wonderful channel that underwrote great made for TV series (ie Horatio Hornblower)
2. The same A-hole boss that Page Turner talked about. We share a history.
3. The old folks blocking the aisles at the grocery store. Apparently Wednesday afternoon is old people day. If I EVER get like that, please shoot me.
4. The people who take their Christmas decorations down Christmas day. Hello! Christmas Day is the beginning of Christmas, not the end. It ends on January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany. Everyone should know that! At least all good Roman and Anglo Catholics. And everyone else for that matter!!
5. Politicians - every last one of them.

Whew - I think that's enough for now. Thank you very much.

I used to be a Hooker said...

Too bad these jacks don't translate into real life. I just left some rage on Congressman Manzullo's Facebook page (choose 'everyone (most recent)' for a peek) for his prerecorded campaign message calling the house three times today (yes, THREE) and waking up my sick baby. Apparently he hasn't been reading the TruStories comment section re: nap time. He would have known better.

Gulphol, do you have a Facebook page?

Tru Stories said...

This comment section officially has more comments than followers of my blog. I may never post again and just keep letting this section play out all week....