that happened to me in 2011..
(And probably will always be in my Top Ten Most Amazing Things to happen in my lifetime... truly.)
This, is how it all played out:
Posted January 7th, 2011
Ok, Oprah. Ser- Rious -Ly.
While browsing (stalking) your website I could not help but notice, you are taping 2 shows on my birthday. Your studio seats, maybe 150 people?
(Fact. I Googled your studio.) Which means close to 300 people will bask in your sunshiny gloriousness on my birthday. I only want Four tix.
(I typed 'Tix' like 4 is so insignificant it's not worthy of hitting the keyboard enough to type "Tickets".)
I Heart You. I more than Heart You.
I Triple Dog, Heart inside 3 more Hearts, You.
I am there for You. I WILL be there for You. These 5 words I swear to You. I will Bon Jovi for you. Whatever, it takes.
Hand to my little-boy-chest-swear, to the Universe (see... I'm using The Secret) to The Oprah Gods... getting these Tix could honestly be the best birthday present of my life.
Sincerely- The Author of Tru Stories
aka Coach's wife, a sorta alright stay-at-home-mother (remember, the hardest job on the planet... 'your words!'), kinda pathetic sickly person (YES. I DiD just play the disabled card! I am not ashamed.) .
Then... Posted January 9th
You are So Very Right, Oprah.
January was not the right month for us.
Historically, January shows are dedicated to
"Making a Better You"... "Weight Loss is Your Friend"..
February will be our month.
There are numerous, valid reasons for why my Birthday was not Berry Perfect.
A Epic Day After Tomorrow Blizzard has always swept our state the week of my birthday.
It would have been beyond devastating, if I had dressed in my new outfit, brushed my newly highlighted hair and placed my perfectly manicured nails into gloves.... only to realize the Highway had been declared unsafe for travel.
I have barely recovered from several weather-related childhood Birthday cancellations.
Obviously, Your wisdom would include a Farmer's Almanac-like knowledge of such things.
Then on March 29th I posted:
I submitted the following last minute request to the Oprah Show:
I've never been to the show. I Triple Dog Heart Oprah, I will leave my kids in a Road Runner dust cloud. I had an 'oprahiphany' while watching the Australian Adventure with my son. (we pretend it's the Reading Rainbow of his generation.) He apologized because I was not on the Ultimate Vacation and asked if I was going to cry. Insert 'Oprahany'. Australia, was not my Dream. My Celebrity Dreams would include:
A. Attending The Oprah Show.
B. Hangin with Julia Roberts, while I am on my A-Game Funny, making her laugh that giant awesome laugh, of hers.
The Ultimate Viewers had Their Moment. My Moment is in the Audience. Maybe I hug Oprah. (not like a stalker) Maybe this is her final show, with Julia. Maybe, I crack one of my best jokes. They decide I am Totally Awesome and invite me to Oprah's office for Post Show drinks with the OWN cameras. Maybe, me, Oppie and Jules exchange emails and become Besties spending weekends in New Mexico. I will do my best, not to randomly shout "Oprah, Be my mom, I love you!" Because, if I ran to Chicago, in a frenzy of excited screams and forgot one ticket for the woman who gave me life, she may never forgive me. Except, to ask how pretty Oprah looked in person. Please choose us as audience members. My fingers are crossed. I'm considering, launching an all-out campaign to realize my 'oprahany'. I'm not sure, my husband can stomach the small-town humiliation, when neighbors realize I am Coco for Oprah-Puffs! If my husband, has hand-written Oprah an eye-watering letter and her Cameras will Surprise! arrive at my door to whisk me away. I would appreciate a Head's Up, so I may shower and try to get my 3 children out of their jammies."
So then I posted on April 29th
Today, is the last day to submit a request for Oprah Winfrey Tickets. My very last chance to scratch good ol' #16 off of my Bucket List.
Dear Oprah: (and the lovely women on her team)
Maybe, I had not clearly expressed my sincere desire (near obsession) to be a (first-time) member of your studio audience. So, here goes....
(Men to which I am related: this may be the portion of the post, where you should stop reading, to retain just a wee-bit of respect for me.)
You were my after-school snack. My phone conversation with mom. My reason to beckon my husband, 'just to watch this one part'. I have hushed my children, to better hear your wisdom.
I've repeatedly began sentences "Oprah told me..." to which my Father-in-law has replied "She told YOU, or she said that on the television to millions of people??"
My reply, was a blank and confused stare.
I do not need Favorite Things, just a seat in your audience. I would even squeeze up, with another patron and go half-sies.
I have demeaned myself on this blog, declaring my adoration and I do not regret one word typed in angst. Maybe, I have held back. Not Today. Today... I have reached my Pathetically Desperate Hour.
What's it gonna take?
Should I sell you one of my children? Deal. Take your pick. They are equally as cute and troublesome.
Tattoo your name on my wrist? Cool. Right or left?
Lie and pretend my mother is dying of a rare disease and her last wish is to sit in your audience, therefore committing myself to an eternity burning in hell?? Done. I like warmer temps anyway.
Admit you are a better friend, than my husband?
Humiliate myself via the Internet?
Done, Done and Done.
I am begging, pleading and fingers-crossing... for just a couple, itsy-bitsy tickets. Name your price.
Pretty, pretty please. With cherries, whipped-cream and sprinkles on-top! Can I have tickets to your show? Just a couple. I promise to smile brightly and Never forget a glorious moment of it.
PS- I live nearby. Just a skip. A mini-jump, really. A drive so short, I could bike it, if you'd like. I am available to dash away from my lonely house-wife life, in obscenely short notice.
I still can NOT believe it....
But on May 3, 2011 I posted this:
If you are not too busy....
The Oprah Winfrey Show just called me.
They have awarded me TWO tickets for tomorrow's show, after reading my letter.
The Show is starring Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.
We can leave tonight, to privately view their brand new movie and then we need to be at the Harpo Studio by 7:00am tomorrow morning, for the taping.
Soooo... Wanna go???
Obviously, she accepted the ticket.
Later: I posted this recap:
1:59pm Tuesday, May 3rd:
I'm in sweats, preparing to take a short nap. The phone rings. I'm annoyed. I grab the phone and check Caller ID. It reads 'Harpo Inc.' Immediately, my hands begin to shake and I answer the phone, as calmly as possible.
Harpo: Hi, this is 'someone' at The Oprah Winfrey Show. Is this 'insert my name'?
Me (calm): Umm, yeeessss.
Harpo: Hi. How are you this afternoon?
Me: I think, I am about to throw up.
Harpo: No! Don't throw up! I am calling because I read your link, how Julia Roberts would be your Dream Guest for Oprah. It just so happens, we are having Julia on our show tomorrow and would like to offer you a last minute ticket.
Are you available?
Me: Yes. Absolutely!
Harpo: Great! I have sent you an email with the details. We are also holding a private screening this evening, for her new movie with Tom Hanks called 'Larry Crowne' and Tom Hanks will be on the show as well, tomorrow. I know this is last minute but can you make it for the screening this evening?
Me: I can't breathe.
Harpo (laughing at what a ridiculous idiot I am):
You have to breathe!
Me: Yes. I can make that.
Harpo: And.... would you like to bring a guest?
Me: Yes. My mom.....
Then it began. We spoke for another 5 minutes, though I couldn't tell you what was said. When we hung up, I checked the detailed notes I had taken, while she was giving me the life-changing information....
(Seriously. That's all I wrote down.)
I check my email. Re-check my caller ID. Confirm, I had not been dreaming and quickly type up the previous blog entry. I dial mom at work. Tell her to check the blog because 'I had just posted the CUTEST pics of the girls" I wait, until she quietly said "Are you serious?" and at that moment:
I totally lost my $hit.
The next 17 hours, were a blur.
I call people. I walk in confused circles. I need a shower but can't find my bathroom. I think, Gramma stopped by. Flag girl was there. Someone took my kids, I really have no idea. I cry. I curse my closet (WHY didn't I shop, JUST IN CASE!) I yanked a suitcase and randomly throw mismatched clothes inside. I grab phone chargers, earrings, camera, my kids' ultrasound pics, maybe baseballs... I don't KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!! My limbs feel disconnected from my body. I'm dizzy. Coach called. I cry again.
4:20pm: Grammy and I jump into the car.
We are compulsively talking. I screeched "This is UNBELIEVABLE" a minimum 374 times. I called the Mrs and left the following on her voicemail:
"Hi. I just wanted to let you know, this is what my voice sounds like as I am driving to the Oprah Show." We realized we had nowhere to sleep. I text Chili, he traveling-agents it, like a pro. Grammy almost runs a car off the highway. We get to Chicago. We are lost, as we look for the theatre (you know... for the PRIVATE screening, of a movie NOT yet released nationwide) Grammy may have driven the wrong way, down a MAJOR one way street.
Snotty people waiting in our movie line, are bored with the Regularness of attending Oprah. I am shaking and smiling like a stoned-lunatic. The Oprah Show provides free Soda and Popcorn. The movie is cute.
Oprah, Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts?.. "My Australia".
Honestly, one of the VERY best days of my life.
Dear Bucket List-
You are officially, one HUGE spot EMPTY!!
Four Days later, I finished by Posting:
The time, spent within the Studio, was beyond explanation. I tried to calmly absorb everything... mentally locking the moment in my mind, with video-like detail. Except... I was smiling and smiling and more smiling. I tried to behave calmly but imagined my appearance resembling a teenage girl.
Final Assessment, Scale of One to Ten:
* Going to the Oprah Show: A Ten (right out the gate)
* Being invited to the Private Night-Before Screening (which I have ALWAYS been envious of...): A Fourteen
* Having Julia Roberts as the Guest: A Twenty-Four
* ALSO having Tom Hanks: A Thirty-Two
* Having Julia gift her Favorite Things: A Thirty-Nine
* Having the taping, be one of the last six shows, ever taped in the Harpo Studio: A Forty-Three
Conclusion: Attending this show, with all of it's perks and fireworks, was easily a 43 out of 10. An even better experience, than I could have imagined.
"God can dream a bigger dream for you, then you could ever dream for yourself." -An Oprah Quote
Easily, the very best moment of my year.
Seriously! Did that REALLY happen??!!