Today The Mrs turns 34. She wrote a super lame post, about how pathetic her life is now. (seriously, just be glad she even still posts...) It read, like this:
"I'm old and boring.. (yada)... I'm celebrating with my amazing children!... (who cares)... Wouldn't have it any other way... (pukes).. I'm going to Home Depot. (super lame)." .... Honestly, almost verbatim.
We owe Tru Stories, to the constant supportive encouragement (annoying pushing nagging) from Mrs, who believed Tink stories needed to 'get out there'.
As a result, I feel Mrs deserves to face the ugly truth, on her 34th birthday.
1. She claims she is boring:
I've seen her on a pole.
2. She claims she is so quiet, she only enjoys Holiday crafting and strolling Hobby Lobby:
She is a Warrior. Who runs for fun. And plays games like an ultra-competitive witch, able to curse your future grandchildren, with a quick sharp glare.
3. She claims to love the company of her children:
One time. We were invited on a Boat Trip (Just once. Only once. Eh.. Sweetbreads??) On the Trip, I heard Mrs shout: "I hate my children and am absolutely flourishing in a week-end away from those brats!"
Nearly a direct quote, though it was difficult to hear with Coach and I, spaztically and illegally jumping off the top deck. (I still jus aint eva gonna figure out why we's wasn't invited back...)
4. She claims she's a perfectly polite mother:
She wore stripper heels, to a family wedding.
5. She claims she'll fall asleep early:
Coach and I literally eye-rolled over The Mrs head, because she wouldn't get the bleep out of our home at like 2:35am...
6. Last, Mrs claims her and General have become an old, boring married couple:
I defy anyone, to witness a more romantic renewal of vows, than theirs as Mr and Mrs Frankenstein.
Therefore, Happy Birthday to a lady with some amazingly shiny, skinny and tan legs.
(FYI- I hate those a lil bit.)
My only birthday wish for you:
* You may remember, Coach celebrated my Birthday, by guest blogging a birthday post. Still unbeaten in Comments. Officially sparking a world-wide campaign (it COULD BE world-wide Haters!!) for him to guest blog on each of my birthdays. (Only 6 weeks away... Coach is already, randomly breaking into cold sweats and increasingly more intense panic attacks).
Soooo I was thinking. Wouldn't it be too sweet,
if General Guest Blogged for Mrs?
I DARE you. Actually, I double dog DARE you.
Yep. I JUST went there. BAM!
(The 'Bam' was obviously the sound of my defiantly awesome dare, exploding like an atom bomb of coolness, in General's face.)