*Why would anyone grow up and decide they want to be the house handing out the crappy cheap candy? And yet, there are obviously people who do.
*Same idea for handing out toothbrushes, we don't tell your kids to get a haircut... but we'd like too.
*Why do I insist on semi-making my children's costumes every year? The imaginary bear hug and "Thanks, mom you are the greatest, I appreciate your love and attention to detail" never comes to fruition. After I die, they are going to feel super guilty about not continually telling me how Great I was. Especially, after reading the chapter in my journal, where I describe in detail how Great I am.
*Every year, Coach and I dance to the same music. We purchase several bags of candy. Then Halloween morning, I call in a desperate panic for him to buy more. Because our supply appears to have been misplaced. Why does he continue to participate? Because I am a real-life witch... that's why.
*When did Halloween turn into the slutty holiday? Why are the women's costumes too short, too tight and too lacking in clothing? Has the nation forgotten October nights are freezing and the general idea is to consume obscene amounts of candy?? I'd prefer not to be photographed in a belly-less Navy Seal costume, chowing down my 4th Buttercup... who am I kidding... I mean my 7th buttercup. Maybe my 8th.
But I totally skipped lunch.
Facebook doesn't need that tagged photo.
*What child would Trick and not Treat? I say:
'If given the choice... always choose Treat. Eventually, life will play plenty of cruel and rotten Tricks on you'.
Put that on a friggin Hallmark card.