Our schools are in Fire Prevention week.
The Following conversation occurred during dinner.
The Kid: We need a fire exit plan. We need to have a meeting to form our escape plan.
Me: We already have a plan.
The Kid: We need smoke alarms outside every bedroom. (A few minutes later) Wait.. WHAT!!! We don't even have an alarm up there??!!
Coach: The batteries ran out. The beeping was annoying me. It's on the counter. Besides... your mom is my real-life smoke alarm. She never sleeps anyway.
The Kid: This isn't a joke! Fire is not fun.
Me: Nope. It's not very funny either.
The Kid: We all need to meet in the garage.
(Side note: Our garage is detached.)
Me: No. We've decided to meet on the corner.
The Kid: That's a terrible idea!! What if it is freezing outside? What if it's below zero outside?
Me: You'll only be out there a couple minutes.
The Kid: We should meet in the garage. What if it is freezing and there are tornadoes outside??!!
Me: How 'bout this: if it's January, our house is burning down AND there's tornadoes?? Then the world is ending and we're gonna watch it from the corner.
The Kid: You are not taking this serious! Fire is not a joke. Do you think 9/11 was a joke?! Fire kills.
You guys acting dumb. Don't you get it?!
(By this time, Coach and I are seriously laughing.)
The Kid: Well I need to figure out my plan. Because first I have to save you (he points to me) then I have to run down the hall and save the girls.
Me: Why do you have save me AND the girls? And why don't you wanna save Dad?
The Kid: Because you guys think fire is funny. You'll just be standing in your room laughing and watching yourselves burn. I'll have to save everyone because you guys are burning into lava.
Coach: I will save the girls.
The Kid: What if the fire is in the hall??
Coach: Don't worry about it. I run so fast, I can speed through the fire.
The Kid: You can't run through fire!! Take this serious. You guys don't even care about this! You'll probably just keep sleeping. All you guys care about is sleeping.
Coach: Yep. We sleep ALL the time.
Me: We are all the time complaining about having TOO MUCH sleep.
The Kid: You guys never take anything serious. You've never lived through anything real. You think everything is easy and funny. You don't know real life.
Me: We've lived plenty of real life. And as a matter of fact, Dad has been in a fire.
The Kid: WHAT??!! Where?
Coach: In a barn.
The Kid: Why? What happened? How did it start?
Coach: Uhhh... that's not really important.
*** There you have it, Bride. Print this convo off for the Safety Chapter in the Parenting Handbook.