Monday, October 17, 2011
I lobe you, Five times more.
There are moments, as a mother, when you fall in-love with your child... all over again. Typically, a mother loves their child immediately. Unconditionally. Upon feeling them within your belly. Or the first moment you are given your baby to have and to hold. And The Evening... maybe three weeks after your baby has been welcomed into the world, when you hold her close and can actually feel your heart physically grow. Bursting to the point of heartbreak, for the grateful gladness of being her mother.
You become busy with the chaos of motherhood. Moments are blurred with the feeling of frustration, exhaustion, hands to the heavens-wondering why they just HAVE to put their hand in their poopy diaper!? But then... there is a week. A month. A morning... when you 'see' your child again. You pause to notice them. Notice how they have grown, who they are becoming. They take a first step. Tell their first joke. Magically learn how to use the remote control. And you realize:
Oh... That's right. My baby is growing up.
The over whelming, throat closing, almost painful heart burst, washes over. Nearly knocking you over. I felt myself fall in-love with Tink again, during the last month. Her unique personality, her forming relationships and her breath-catching beauty.
My Tink is an acquired taste. She is most certainly not going to make herself easy for just anyone to love. She will not 'kiss a grandmother goodbye' just because they are leaving. Or appease her uncles with a pretend laugh. She will not paint a pretty picture to make others more comfortable. Or deliver a posed smile, just to fill your photo album.
But if you have played your game real smooth, if you have grazed on the outside edge of her land without an eager desperation and she has accepted you into her world. You are Golden. Tink has proven herself a loyal friend. She adores her inner circle of family. She has a surprisingly gentle understanding and patience with her Uncle. And an unwavering devotion to her parents and grandparents. She lights up in the presence her cousins (from her rweally big boy cousins to her faborite gwirl cousins).
Tink rarely 'guess what I did in school today!' or brags about her accomplishments. Though I see her growing with a quiet wisdom. She seems to understand her world with a sensitivity. She is feeling what she is learning. She absorbs the conversations, relationships or actions of those around her. Within hours of her birth, her eyes seemed to clearly 'get' her surroundings with the calmness of an older woman.
My Tink has character, to spare. While she is certainly not the Jazz-hands Broadway sensation that is her little sista or the Award Winning Pampered Genius which encompasses the personality of her big broda.... Tink has depth.
She had perfected her eye-roll by her first birthday. Her irritated sigh could out-dramatic Elizabeth Taylor. Her petite hand seemed to naturally settle on her little hip. She has literally been called out of school 'Naked'. She dropped out of Tumbling due to an extreme lack of 'not caring to raise her arms'. Tink will comfortably ignore the person sitting next to her. She will politely and mater-of-factly discuss the flaws of your complexion or eye color... and she seriously will not take any c*@p from any one. No danks.
Tink. Is. Beautiful. She stole our family photo shoot, without effort. Her deep thinking blue eyes, the strangely calming color of a storm approaching in a warm afternoon sky. Her small, precious features which mistakenly liken a perfect China doll. The sweet line of her cheeks, may trick the unsuspecting into wanting to cup her lovely face for a kiss. (My sincere best luck to whomever would attempt that mis-step.) And her ridiculously untamed curls, which for many become even more impressive the less they are wrangled. Tink tires of 'being her Dad's pretty' but her beauty continually takes my breath away.
To my Tink:
You will always be my tiny perfectly pink doll. The very best surprise, to a woman whom typically dreads the unknown. You have changed my life. Your stubborn competitive nature will undoubtedly become a challenge. The world could always use more fairies. Thankfully, I was gifted the feistiest, tiniest, most determined fairy of them all. I lobe you Tink.
All over again.
You're still and always just too good to be Tru.
Happy 5th Birthday.