Thursday, October 24, 2013

OMG You are the WORST!!

I'm in the kitchen cleaning, The Kid is minding his business.  I'm playing music and then 'Royals by Lorde' comes on...

Me: Yes!  This is my new jam.

The Kid (eye roll): You're so lame.

Me: I'll show you 'so lame' when this song plays at your next school dance...

The Kid (confused): Why??

Me: Because we're chaperoning your next dance and we'll probably request this song and throw down our sweet dance moves.

The Kid (loud and mortified): WHAT?!  You guys are chaperoning the dance?  You guys are sooo embarrassing! 

Me: Of course we are... I'm going to have Dad request this song because every one likes him and then I'll shout out "Heck yeahz, this is my JaaaAAM!!" and we'll start throwing down sweet moves like this... (then I start really dancing.  Little running man, some PG twerking, I pretend the fridge is Coach and show how we'll choreograph a few moves together.

The Kid is horrified.  Shouting out ineligible words. Eyes are wide: Why are you so weird?!  You are the most embarrassing parents in the whole world.  I can't believe you!

I played the song over 3 times.  Giving a solid 9 minute performance, reducing The Kid to complete humiliation.  I repeated phrases such as (but not limited too): "sweet Jam, gettin my groove on, shake what your momma gave you, boogie woogie..etc"

Later, Coach came home.  We played the song over. 
We demonstrated a little number, fist pumping and other couple dance moves (no worries, we left more than enough room for the Father, Son and even The Holy Ghost.)  In addition (because Coach fancies himself a rock star) Coach began to really belt out lyrics to all the other songs he would request.  Threatening to turn the Jr High dance into a Karaoke.
The Kid was dying! He made a weird noise that was both a laugh and cry, from the back of his throat.

Ohhh... how we giggled.

The very best part??
1. I have no idea when the next dance is.
2. We are most definitely NOT signed up to chaperon.
3. We never will be.
4. We still haven't told The Kid the truth.

Teasing my Jr High son? My new Fav sport.


Munchkin said...

This. Exactly what you just posted. This is why I want kids

Well played TS. I'm taking notes.

Anonymous said...

I bet I know someone that could even hook you up to DJ The Kid's next dance. Then you could play all your jams.

Anonymous said...

I realize this blog is about torturing the Kid and such.......but twerking the refridgerator stands on its own...... Roylashol

Anonymous said...

I remember when your father and I had fun torturing you. One of the best parts of having junior high kids.
That said, stop messing with my twin.

Tru Stories said...


You'll want to remember some of my recent best work, which also includes:

* Dropping The Kid and his buddies off to baseball every day this Fall and EVERY day sing-songing out to him "Give Mommy a kiss bye-bye!!"

* While driving said children, blaring my Ipod selections while killing my car dance moves set. (Driver's seat dancing is really my best stuff.)

* Trying to fix his hair or pretending to lick my thumb to wipe something off of his face, in front of friends.

* Telling him and his friends they are stinky boys and bringing in extra blankets, while telling them their stinky skin is not allowed to touch my couches.

* Placing bets with the girls in his class, about when they will date before he graduates high school.

* Walking ANYWHERE with The Kid and taking his hand to hold and swinging it sweetly back and forth in an exaggerated motion, while almost skipping with my feet. (this trick also humiliates Coach when I play it on him.)

I've got a pretty full list growing from the last 6 months. It's been fun. I had a little practice with Jumbo Joe before. He was easy to make blush. I'm pretty sure I'm known as 'ohh... THAT Aunt...'

I'll keep you updated. It's still early in this game.


Coach said...

I think that we could make the kid real popular by entertaining his friends at a dance. As soon as I figure out what twirkin is, I'm all over it.

Cathy said...

This is great! IDK, next dance is Nov 1- you could make your big debut!
The Kid is always sweet & says hi to my baby at school though, so I'll vote that you instead show these awesome dance moves off at the Halloween shingdig after a few cocktails. More specifically the twerking..but with the fridge, not Coach.

arizona said...

i seriously cry inside that you are not a sitcom.