Just stick an Acute-ly Sharp Knife into my Newton-Apple Red Heart.

Assemblies.
Not.A.Fan.
I remember, feeling bored.
Painfully bored.
I have realized, after attending several for The Kid, assemblies may bore me even more, as an adult. Even, if your child is walking away with a ribbon.
Therefore, line up the Perfect Storm of the Lamest Assembly Ever ...and those events would have landed Squared (math joke) on yesterday afternoon.

The Kid and Six, spent their first week of summer...
A.) Staying up late, Partying like Rockstars?
B.) Swimming, until their chlorine fed eyes bled?
C.) Playing baseball, to perfect their infield rotation?
D.) Attending an all day, Invention Camp?

Sorry,
the Correct answer is D.

Edie, Warhol, Coach and I have shared rides and over nights...with front row seats as the boys morphed even Super Sonic harder into Twin Dorks.
Dork Camp 2010, was 30 minutes from home.
We would pack the girls up, drive so unbelievably slow on two lane country roads, behind semis (who.apparently.have.no.where.to.be.in.a.hurry) headed to a bridge designed by the Devil's Private Architectural Firm, carefully shimmied over (as the boys, mentally weighed the other vehicles to determine if we were past the allowed weight limit) and drove into Dork Camp Central.

On Friday, the Camp, held a Closing Ceremonies.

Let's throw, all these spices in the pot, stir it up and see what kind of Boring Stew, we can create.

Dice, several Dork Camp students Aged 5-12.
Sprinkle in Camp Counselors (identified as freshman at various mega-nerdy universities.)
Add, 4 Tablespoons of Student Built Robots made with Donated Recyclables
1 Cupful of Science and Math Teachers.

For extra insult over injury,
Simmer, on low heat over a Basketball Court, just throwing a little Spit on the Concoction.
Thankfully, Coach was at work.
He should never see a Court so desecrated.



I was bored.
Even with, Tink's unShuSHable chatter.
Until....
The Teacher's began a Q&A. Shouting out questions with words such as Acute, Isosceles, Neutron, Measurements...
I was transported back to 16.
My eyes clouded over with panic.
I felt sick.
My mind raced.
What if they asked a parent question and I embarrassed my brilliant child with, my fumbling knowledge of Math and Science?
Immediately, following my last College course, I erased the teeny bit of knowledge, I had desperately tried to absorb. I can barely use a Measuring Cup to cook Hamburger Helper, without a mild panic attack.
Why didn't I sign him up for Art History
or maybe Classic Literature?

The moment passed. We were not asked a question. The Dorks were jazzed and ready to show off their inventions. Warhol, Edie and I...fained interest and nodded in appreciation at their Dazzling Imaginations.






Bottom Line.
Was it worth the $250?
The naggingly long drive?
Crossing the Dare Devil bridge?
Spending extra hours with two boys Pumped on Crack-like Dork Camp Adrenaline?
Perfecting, my 'Pretending to be Interested Acting Skills'?

Absobleepinlutely!



I have a Mad-Crush on those two brains.
I will continue to nurture those little spirits until their Ivy League Keg Parties, turn them to Mush.
Proud of you boys!
You are more than worth it.

Remind me again?

I have forgotten, what it feels like too:

*eat an entire bowl of cereal, without sharing bites.

*casually, paint my toenails, without also painting 20 other tiny toes, as I frantically blow on them to dry.

*just lay, on the couch and do nothing.

*flip the TV on, without immediately finding Dora.

*shower, without a tiny audience, on the other side of the curtain.

*walk down the hallway, without picking up a toy.

*dress, without quickly covering up, in front of inquisitive eyes.

*sit on my patio and read.

*make a meal, small enough for two.

*sleep soundly and into the morning.

*have a clean house.

*talk on the phone without hissing for someone to 'please BE QUIET!'

*have a free weekend.

*speak in a grown up voice.

*weed my garden, without checking to see if the baby is eating dirt.

*sit down to dinner, without making sure Tink has her favorite plate, The Kid has the right amount of Milk and Coco has her food, perfectly cut in baby bites.

*venture to a beach/pool without 1 plus hour, of sunscreening, diaper changing, swimsuit wrangling, snack packing, water toy bagging and then actually relax in a lounge chair without constant scanning for possible drowning, sand eating, kidnapping, water diaper pooping, racing to the toddler to the potty, feet on hot sand burning and the dreaded "Time to Pack it Up" announcing.

*take an evening stroll without a stroller.

*just go to bed, when I am tired.

*drive, in an empty vehicle.

Quick Reminder to Myself:
One day, I will desperately try to remember, what right now felt like.

New Stuff Makes Me Happy.

Very exciting.
Clap, Hooray.
I got a new camera.

And what was the very first image, I snapped?
Tink's Bloody Nose.



She is such a Crybaby.
I did not even hit her that hard!

I Kid! I Kid!
She has sinus issues.

Be warned,
from this day forward,
my children may appear
even more beautiful on blog posts.

The Sky Opened.

Saturday night, our town, was hit by a Tornado.
We, were not home.
Our children, will not have a lasting fear of this storm.
Unfortunately, several areas, in our community suffered severe damage.
Homes have been destroyed, precious belongings have been lost, beautiful old trees have been toppled and mess has fallen from the sky.
Thankfully, only a small handful, have been hurt.


(The home of a family friend.
The stage, for past wedding memories.)



(The Golf Course. Had the Tornado remained this strong, only 5 miles further, our neighborhood would have been lost.)




(Our porch swing. We found a large piece of siding, wrapped under and then back around, the base of the seat. How does that happen?)


(The cover to an Encyclopedia, I have found the pages all over our yard.)


(The start, to the pile of items, cleaned from our yard. Notice the green, from the brand new high school roof. The large, thick piece of wood, found neatly on our patio. I could not, place the red roofing and yellow tube. Until I saw the following photos.)


(The children's baseball complex. Located several blocks from our home.)




(The high school.)




(The home, located 3 houses, down from us. This extends all the way through the roof, ceiling and rests on their kitchen floor.)


(This house, is located barely one block over. As we took this picture, many volunteers were moving their belongings out.)


(The Mobile Home Court. Completely destroyed.)

We have spent hours today, filling bags with small pieces of homes. We have gathered countless slivers of siding, plywood, shingles, papers from books, a broken CD, shards of glass, handfuls of insulation. I am awe struck, over what a Tornado, is capable of.

The damage to our property, lists as follows:
1 broken rim from a downed basketball hoop.
1 missing white bucket.
A few, very filthy mud splattered windows.
Branches down.
Bark ripped from trees.
24 hours, spent without Power.

That. Is. It.

I would happily, list that over and over.
I have, several times, to myself.

We were extremely lucky.
Our home, feels very blessed.
We are thankful our neighbors and family from Grandma's....extending all the way to Grammy's, were spared.
We appreciate all of those,
Who:
dropped by to check our home, in our absence.
inquired on us.
offered a generator for our fridge.
delivered a fresh gallon of milk, for the kids.

My heart is full for this community.
To witness the endless line of volunteers, pass our home towards the destruction, as they offered a hand.
Our Village, will not receive a fancy telethon.
Instead, our Midwestern town, will roll up their sleeves, donate clothes from their closets, rally around their own...and endure.
I feel proud.

Race Update Part Deux

Time Remaining Until Race:
1 month.
Just under.

Time Spent Running on Treadmill:
0 Minutes

Time Spent Running on Street:
0 Minutes

Time Spent Walking on Either:
Cumulative, maybe 2 hours

Runner's High Experienced:
Ummm, since I have not actually run anywhere...
I guess, NaDa.

Pages Read in Marathon Book:
2 Chapters.
1- On What to Wear
1- On What to Buy
If you look good, you feel good...right?
That should cut off a few seconds, from my time.

Time Spent Discussing, the Fact that I need an IPOD:
Hours.

Certainty, an IPOD, will send my training, to a new Level:
100% certain.

Certainty, that an IPOD is actually what I should buy,
rather than a NANO or whatever the bleep the correct initials for whatever the new gadgets, are them kids are playing with:
Ummm, not certain, at all.

Purchased:
1 Sports Bra
Found on Clearance.

In Conclusion:
It appears, my body is a finely trained machine.
I may actually, want to think about scaling my training back, a touch.



Coach's Training:

Time Spent Running:
0 minutes

Except, his Softball base running.
Which is Stupid fast.
Otherwise, he is a Short Stop and that does not require running,
as much as crazy, quick movements.

Time Spent Reading Marathon Book:
As if!

Time Spent Thinking about a new pair of Shoes:
Always.

Time Spent Hysterically Laughing, after I told him, a VERY sweet, and well intentioned Girl, offered to secretly help me train, so that I may surprise Coach, by Beating Him:
He will still randomly burst into body-bending laughter, as the thought enters his head.
He will laugh again, while reading this.

Amount, we Still all Hate Him:
Lots.

Happy Training,
To those duped into this insanity.

A flower, for you....

To all my ladies.
My friends.
My sisters.
My relatives.
Every female follower.

I dedicate this to you:

Be.....:
beautiful, special, unique, strong, daring
amusing, brilliant, significant, patient
insightful, well read, exciting, gratified
curious, serene, engaging

Do not....:
surrender, sacrifice, pacify
settle, underestimate, sell, cheat

...yourself, for another.


And never believe, you are NOT....:
worthy, capable, deserving, valuable
desirable, likable, irreplaceable
Enough





Quotes, from two Amazing women:

"Long stem roses are the way to your heart
But he needs to start with your head
Satin sheets are very romantic
What happens when you're not in bed
You deserve the best in life
So if the time isn't right then move on
Second best is never enough
You'll do much better baby on your own"


"Some boys take a beautiful girl,
And hide her away from the rest of the world.
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun."


Happy Thursday, ladies.
Grab a little piece of the world, today.
You deserve it.


Extra Credit, if you can name that song/artist.

Sometimes, I wish she would be Quiet.

While in my bedroom changing (with the ever present audience of my two girls) Tink patiently watched and waited.

She then exclaimed...
"Oooohhh. You butt is bery Cranky."

I am not sure what that meant. But as a visual observation, that can not be good.

Birthday Cheer.

Give me a G.....

G...stands for Grammy. A role that will be her legacy. One, she has never been more suited for. An honor she fully embraces. With smiles, gusto, creativity, love and overwhelming compassion.

R...stands for Really...? Really, the Grand-children get to use the couches as battleships, when my brother and I were never allowed to stand on the furniture? Really, they get to randomly plant flowers, where ever they darn please in your flower garden? Really, they get to walk along your counter tops? Really, Tink says Jump and you say "How High, Princess?"

A...stands for Absence. In this case, it definitely did not make your heart grow fonder. Actually, it really ticked your heart off. Leading, to 1 nearly paid off family home, quickly thrown on the Market. So that 1 (pretty similar) home may be purchased, just a few blocks away from ours. Making The Kid's, bike ride MUCH shorter.

M...stands for Mother. I can fondly remember, when you were mine. You were an exceptional, loving, cheese toastie making, kind of mother. Now, you sometimes, say Hi to me...but only after, hugging all three children....asking about their day...giving them a present...noticing if they got cuter over night...etc.



M...stands for More. My children need much more of you. More of your time, your adventures, gifts, love, hugs, snuggles, slumber parties, crafts...More. Most important, many more of your birthdays. You are More than essential to their happiness.

Y...stands for You. You are our center. Our 'In case of Emergency' phone call. Our house to walk too. Our chlorine loving life guard. You, wrap us in comfort. You overfill our stockings and our Camp mailbox with letters. You are the constant, the hand that rocked the cradle and rubbed my pregnant belly. You are our library card, our Field Trip Guide and our rubbing stick. You are the original, Brown Eyed Girl.

What's that spell?
Grammy!

Happy Birthday, Grammy.
Without you, I literally, would not be able to write this!
You deserve a birthday, as special, as you have made each of mine.

We love you.
Love you two.
Love you three.
Love you four.
Love you more.