Why don't I have my own Bathroom?

After the Fact, I realized The Kid used my
Jergen's Self Tanning/Cellulite Reducing Lotion,
following his shower.

Rather than be miffed,
he drained my $8 bottle of lotion,
I felt a huge wash of relief.

Because, frankly,
that child is ghostly pale
with rather large and dense patches of cellulite
all over his thick thighs and bulging belly.

I am grateful, he was able to recognize the issue,
for himself.
I had been dreading that conversation for months!

Grab a tissue...

Hey Pop-pop:

I guess it's sorta alright,
that you contributed to giving me life.

I guess it's sorta alright, that you helped raise me.

I guess it's sorta alright, that you taught me to wrangle up Christmas trees, three times too big for our living space.

I guess it's sorta alright, The Kid has inherited your love for travel, history and geography.... though sometimes, while he is carrying around an Atlas,
it feels less right.



I guess it's sorta alright, that you were the first baby to fill my home with tiny giggles.

I guess it's sorta alright, that you helped introduce my family to the Rocky Mountains.



I guess it's sorta alright, that you adore my girls, as much as I remember you loving me....at least until I entered Junior High and became slightly unlovable!

I guess it's sorta alright, you adopted my dog.

I guess it's sorta alright, I have obviously, inherited your Gushing Greeting Card Kind-of Affection.
We are not exactly hugging type of people.

If we were,
I would probably consider hugging you today.
Happy Birthday, Dad.
I guess, I sorta appreciate you.

Save The Date.

Exactly, 4 months from today....
Our little town,
will be rocked with the Greatest Relay Event Eva.
(ok, that may be over shooting-it a touch.)
But our team will be aiming for Awesomeness.



Grab your Daily Planner,
open your Blackberry Calender,
Rip a scrap piece a paper, tape it to your fridge...
Mark down the Date, ASAP.
(I mean, do it NOW!)

January 29, 2011 at 8:00pm.
Our Team will celebrate Relay Dance Night with a

Recycled Wedding Reception!

Start digging in your closet.
Spend your holiday season, in your parents attic.
Locate your most hideous Bridesmaid dress.
(Or your most beautiful.)
Find an old Wedding Gown (or two!)
Squeeze into Daddy's faded blue tuxedo.

It is never too early to start planning.

Especially, because...
Someone will be getting Married that night.
Who knows..
Maybe...it will be You.

Dear My Boyfriend:

This evening, as you look around your home...

If you see your fabulously beautiful wife
and you think,
you just can not spend one more second
basking in her Joy and falling deeper and more
madly in love with her...

If you notice your cute children,
and feel painfully annoyed with their
obedience and Chore-minding abilities...

If you wake up for work,
and are immediately bored with the idea
of surrounding yourself with co-workers
who find you mysteriously unique and clever....



Than call me...
And we will run away together.
We may not get far, as we are both extremely unfriendly and socially retarded... but it's worth a shot. Adventure, in the name of Forbidden Love.

Coach Hearts you so very much,
I doubt he would even mind.

In the words of a very wise and stable, Ke$ha..
"I Like yer Beard."

Happy Birthday, Clark.
The Offer stands for the next 48 hours.
Or, maybe longer....

Vote: Yes or No.

Is it or is it not very, very wrong.
That the person, with the longest, most beautiful head of cascading blond hair, on the Monday Night Football telecast....
Was a Green Bay Packer?

Not a Cheer leading Green Bay Packer.
Actually, a growling ugly-lookin Packer.

Yes: That is wrong.
No: That makes perfect sense to you?

Please remember, I said cascading.

What I learned This Afternoon.

There is a channel.
On the television.
Devoted entirely to Fantasy Football Stat Tracking.
Honest to God.

Clark has Bad Ideas.

I Like.
In the following order.
'1' being cute like a Unicorn.
'4' being the total opposite of cute.
Kinda like, Not Cute or very much Not Good.

1. My pink 1980's Strawberry Shortcake Lunchbox.
2. Free Tinkerbell Lunchbox with the purchase of the New Tinkerbell Fairy Rescue.
3. Packing The Kid's daily Lunchbox.
4. Quickly Slamming a Lunchbox.

Actually,
some days 3 and 4 could be interchangeable.

'Light Up your Face with Gladness...'

If you were a....



..Barbie, you would be Skipper.
..Pretty Pony, you would be Buttercup.
..Disney Princess, you would be Cinderella.
..Flower, you would be a glowing Spring Tulip.
..or a window box bursting Full of cascading Petunias.

You are a brilliant Primary Yellow. A radiant snuggle of Sunshine. A sparkle so blinding, I need sunglasses to absorb your twinkling chatter.
You are softly bouncing, while standing still.
A welcomed, invader of personal space.
The dazzling Rainbow, glowing in our Sky.
You have inherited your Mother's infectious spirit-lifting Joy. Her compassionate, Mother-Hen devotion. You both, are a cloud of shimmering Summer-time Bubbles, at each family gathering.
Thank-you...
for shining your warm beam of love,
in our direction.
Happy Birthday, Eight.
We adore you.