The Blog has obviously been ignored. Monumental moments have been unblogged: Madonna concert updates, my Dad's birthday, Coach's funny. Typically, if the blog has been totally unmanned, the explanation is pretty obvious: I've been sick. My counts have been low for several weeks. My energy level is nonexistent. I'm exhausted, irritated and frankly: Not That Funny... At least not the kind of funny, that's PG-13 Blogable.
Sick Me has less patience and more swear words.
I've been injecting shots, scheduling naps, popping vitamins and playing every available trick in my Be Healthy card game.
Thursday afternoon, I had an out-patient bone marrow biopsy. A Just Checkin procedure to appease my Doctor's curiosity. The 'quick-ish' biopsy hit a few bumps and did not go as smoothly as planned. My body and medical science, enjoys a back and forth dance of bizarre anomalies and shocking new unexplained surprises.
My educated Doctor actually giggled in the middle of the procedure "Cool... that's NEVER happened before!"
I sarcastically replied "I'm super cool alright..."
Just to keep you inside my head and the attitude Coach has been dealing with: Propped up on blankets, driving home, I texted Warhol an update..
Me: Final needle count for The Day: at least 9
Warhol: I feel woozy reading this.
Me: The big one was pretty painful and not very fun.
Me (20 secs later): That's what she said...
Warhol: You still got funny.
Saturday. We had a wedding an hour away, with Coach's friends. I was in a poor mood, my back was still uncomfortable. I had no cute outfit and was sure I was sporting 'sick girl face'.
Coach was trying to be accommodating and suggested we leave town early to buy me a new dress... ok.. fine.. whatev. I'm still grumpy.
Department Store: I found the perfect Calvin Klein dress. Empire waist, soft and baggy near my biopsy site. Regular price: $174
Sale Price: $82.99 and I had a coupon!
Then it rang at the counter for $39.99 WHAT??!
With coupon total Price: $31.40
Score! Spirits are lifted. I'm a Shopping God. We check into hotel. Carrying bags... wait.. Coach, where's the toiletry bag??
Coach: What bag?
Me: The bag we ALWAYS keep our toiletries in. The bag that YOUR Cubs hat and YOUR shoes were leaning against, lined up perfectly on our bed, packed and ready to go.. I'm noticing you are holding YOUR hat and YOUR shoes... but no toiletry bag.
Coach: uhhhhh... ummmm...
Me: You didn't bring the bag?!!
Coach (blank face): uhhhh...
Picture this: I had not worn a drop of make-up to the mall or done my hair, nails etc because I planned to do it after I purchased the dress. The bag contained EVERYthing. Make-up, toothpaste, naturally curly hair product acquired after years of careful testing, deodorant, perfume, nail polish, bags of jewelry options sorted by color for potential outfit styles. EVERYthing. Are you grasping this?
Coach: I'm gonna call Doc. She can fix this.
Me: I don't need a nurse!! I need make-up and hairspray!! Doc is so perfect she doesn't even use hair product! How would calling Doc fix this??
By this time, Cocktail hour has begun. Coach was ready and adorable. I decided it made sense to run to CVS myself and purchase some items. As I am seriously annoyed, Coach sweetly mentions "Hey... can you also grab a wedding card??" I hate him.
I enter CVS. I call Flag Girl because only another Curly Haired Girl can get the drama of not having ANY product. I'm frantically pacing the aisles. It was like Pretty Woman when she has ALL this money and no dress. Suddenly, I can't remember what make-up I wear. It's like I've never purchased mascara. I can't find lotion. I'm unsure what brand of hairspray to try. I'm muttering statements like: "Well at least we remembered to grab the bleepin Cubs hat for tomorrow! Thank God we didn't forget the Cubs hat! Now THAT would have been a real travesty!!"
Finally, I grab a few things, throw myself together. Walk into the reception just as the Bride and Groom are announced on the floor. Yes. For realz.
Coach spent the night, telling me I was the most beautiful girl and literally kissing way UP to me:
"Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow"