As previously mentioned, Flag Girl and Coach (and Coco) get a wee bit 'hangry'. They are not mean, necessarily (but they are not nice either). They just need to know when and what they are going to eat next. And they'd like to know those details just as soon as they have finished their previous meal. They're still adorable, just a little less sunshiny.
Text Message.
The Active Parties: Flag Girl, Coach and I
Flag Girl: Chili's home sick with the flu... watching Brain Games... learning way too much.. Also learned that when you are hungry the fight or flight syndrome switches to a separate part of the brain. Which makes you more aggressive. Which explains why you get angry.
Coach: Interesting
Me: It's really an issue for you guys.
Coach: Your an issue.
Flag Girl: THAT made my day.
Me: It would make my day if just once he wrote YOU apostrophe RE!!
Set Scene:
It's Harvest Days Weekend,
Town-wide Carnival Wrist Band Night.
Carnival night? Not my bag. Coach has/is and will always be, in charge of carnival night. I had a yoga class and then walked up to the carnival for maybe 45 minutes. Chatted with each kid, smiled and waved as they circled around and around on a couple rides... and then I began to walk home.
I called my mom: I detest carnival night! The crowds, the noise, the giant extension cords on the ground. There was a man, wearing jeans and combat boots and NO shirt... and he was carrying a baby maybe 2 weeks old, like a football in one arm. Just walking around like that. WHY? ....etc
I continue to chat with her about the conundrums of small town American carnivals, until I reach my home. My doors are all locked (... carnies are in town) and I am trying to find my keys. I go to unlock the door but I can't see anything, just then I see what I think is a huge spider, making a web on my door.
I say to mom: I can't see anything... stupid having to lock my door... and I think there is a spider in the doorway... I need my flashlite app... but I can't find anything in my purse..
I'm digging around, moving my wallet.. nothing. I start throwing items from my purse on a chair. I say the following out loud and also in my head: I can't find my phone any where! I know I had it at the carnival, I called Coach to find him... it's so dark out here... why do I have to much stuff in my purse!
My mom is helping: Did you leave your phone at the yoga studio? ... Blah Blah
Me (super frustrated): no, I know I called Coach.Where the heck is it??
I turn my purse upside down, it's completely empty... What the heck??
Then, after several minutes, I shout out: OH MY ###!! I can't find my phone because I am TALKING to you on my PHONE!!!
My mom starts dying laughing, like she can't breathe.
I hang up, use the flashlite app. Identify a HUGE spider making a web...kill it, enter my home...
Later, I recount this story to Coach, exactly like this. He's listening with intrigue, he even furrows his brow over where my phone could be, seems kinda worried for me... He also, never saw the punchline coming.
I'm getting old. Or maybe, even just 45 minutes at a carnival can make you dumb(er).
Saturday, we celebrated a Bachelorette Party for The Teacher (the prettier half of our Fav Band). The Teacher requested a tame, simple bash and that is pretty much what we gave her. We had a little wine tasting at the yoga studio. Threw in some crafts (threw a few wine corks down each other's tops...)
We then hired two distinguished designated drivers to take us to a wine bar out of town.. (and by 'hired' I mean we just told our husbands when to show up, told them where to drive and then told them to get lost and leave the girls alone.)
The Teacher was pretty excited to have her own DDs.
(Coach continuing his tradition of taking great pictures with random women, other than his wife)
I took barely any pictures because I forgot to take out my camera. I do remember... the back of the van thought they were pretty funny...
Nice little gathering.
And now, on Friday, The Teacher will marry her Very Nice Guy. Capping our busy wedding whirlwind couple of months!
Just a few days before our May 6th wedding anniversary... The Kid and I were traveling on the highway and got a flat tire. Luckily, I was able to slowly pull over to a station and call Coach to help. (I'm too old to change tires...)
Grandpa was ironically nearby and stopped to observe the progress. No better way to spend a sunny afternoon. Quality family time.
Soooo... guess what I got for my anniversary?!!
4 bright spankin new tires.
And a thinga magig also needed to be replaced.
Without gifts.... did we spend the day, whispering sweet nothins and basking in our love?? Not exactly. We were cheering and basking in the glow of The Kid's All Area County Track Meet.
Our 5th grade son, placed in the Top 6 for the entire County in the 7th Grade 200 dash. Romantic? No. Awesome? Yes.
Am I a woman scorned, who wishes her husband did a better job of wooing his wife?? I should be, except the following greeting card was my only gift to Coach:
Obviously, neither of us are Romeo or Juliet..
Next, we stalked Jumbo Joe and The Cute Girl, on their Prom day. They are too much together. Coco was star struck by The Cute Girl's sparkle.
Only 3 days into this week,
and Coach has chaperoned one trip to the zoo.
And I another trip to a State Park.
Not to mention, a recent diagnoses of strep throat to both our girls. A baseball game and a Sports Banquet... and it's only Wednesday.
(Awkward moment captured on film, Coach was holding Tink's hand... Jackie was holding Owl's hand... and then Tink and Owl began holding hands: End result. Jackie and Coach appearing to be a married couple with daughters... Funny.)
The Kid and his buddies... you'll recognize The Kid as the 57 year old woman with the sweatshirt wrapped around his waist like it's 1993...
If you think the first half of May looks busy,
You have NO idea.
The second half??
Birthdays, parties, birthdays, weddings, parties, dinners... and many end of school activities.
We had already built our safe haven house on The Hill. (It was bigger than expected.) The following people had made it to our home in time: Warhol, Sweetbreads, General, Mrs, (and all their kids) Munchkin, Match Guy, Coach, me and our kids.
We had a giant wrap-around porch and the men were constantly walking the porch picking off zombies. Except Match Guy, who had (whoops) knocked-up Munchkin. Turns out, she is not a pleasant pregnant lady during a zombie Apocalypse. Match Guy had finished off all the peanut butter and she was very dramatically fighting with her Baby Daddy about how how he would find her more peanut butter.
Then suddenly it occured to me, that we had this:
(because why wouldn't we...?)
And I had an epiphany!
We would dig a giant moat around The Hill. Wha?? Then the Zombies would just fall into the waterless (wooden stake filled) moat, unable to crawl out, until the men can dispose of them. Leaving us virtually untouchable, with the exception of supply runs... (we had a plywood-type drawbridge).
I would plant a giant garden, Mrs was holding a little school... the kids ran and played. We mentioned we needed a Dr for Munchkin (yada yada, I know technically Munchkin is a Dr... but not like a real one, right GG??)
I recently recounted this dream to The General, in person. He listened intently, nodding appropriately, totally calm as if this dream is the most normal thing ever.. when I had finished, he said one thing: 'Genius'.
Soooo... it looks like we're set then. Official Game Plan established. We just need like $650,000 for the house and giant tractor. If more of you want in:
#1. You gotta be a tru believer.
#2. You gotta get your a$$ there quick.
#3. You've apparently gotta be able to deal with a mean bitter Munchkin (let's face it, she's really the more fun version...)
This weekend, Doc and Clark were renovating their kitchen. Building walls, new cabinets.. the whole 9 yards. Coach was not able to go help. He had to work and we (mostly him) decided I had been too sick to be left alone all weekend with the kids. I felt SUPER guilty. If any of Coach's siblings say jump, Coach always hopes to enthusiastically and repeatedly respond "How High? Pick ME! How High?!"
But his dumb sickly wife, needed a dumb babysitter. I wanted to think of something to do for Doc and Clark. I decided, to send cookies.
I didn't want too cute, overly expensive cookies. I wanted yummy, grab and snack while busy cookies. I searched the Internet and found Baked! of Bloomington. Their 'gimmick' is: they are a local shop, which bakes cookies fresh when ordered and will deliver late at night. Their hours are 8:00pm-3:00am and are located on a college campus. You know... in case you get the munchies late at night and don't feel like pizza. Genius!
I called. Placed an order for 3 dozen, hand picked different flavors, ingredients, added Hershey's kisses to a few... included ice cold milk. Set to be delivered to their house by 9:00pm. Perfect!! Just when the workers could use a little sugar.
Coach told me to include a note. "Sorry we couldn't help... Here's some cookies..." We were both pretty excited. We knew it would make Doc smile. It made us feel a little better for skipping out.
Before 9:00pm, my phone rings.
It is the delivery driver (PS. Driver and employee were both friendly): Hi. Um, I'm driving to the location... you said this would be a house but her address is actually an apartment.
Me: No. They live in an house. There are a few apartments around them.
(we confirmed address, I gave more detailed directions, he was agreeing with street names and landmarks... he kept driving...)
Driver: I'm sorry but this is an apartment.
Me: It's not an apartment. There should be a few cars. Lots of people working inside.
Driver: There are cars but... Wait. Are you sure this house is in Bloomington, Indiana??
Me: Uhhhhh.... no. Bloomington, IL. Are you guys located in Indiana?
Driver (laughing, still friendly): Yes!
Me: Whoops. This is awkward. It never said Indiana any where on the website Menu.
Driver: No problem, it happens once or twice a week.
------------------------------------------------
Coach and I were bummed, by the super fail.
Coach said: I'm sure it happens, confusing poor stoned college kids all the time.
Doc and Clark: We can't wait to see your new kitchen. And I hope you liked your phantom cookies!
PS. Someone really needs to open a Baked! nearby. Freshly baked cookies with your choice of ingredients, delivered at 2:00am. That's beyond brilliant.
I am walking around my new house. It's huge, brick ranch, with two large wings. But not crazy huge, just like the rich side of town past Scott Dr kinda huge... The kitchen and main living room are in the middle of the house. I'm walking to the kitchen.
The five of us live with Flag Girl, Chili D and the boys. Each family sorta has their own wing, for bedrooms. But a community living area. Kinda Sister-Wives-ish.
In the dream, I'm doing totally normal stuff. Walking around the kitchen... The Cute Girl just got dropped off by her Dad, to visit with Jumbo Joe. Coco enters the kitchen and needs a water. I open our new fridge and realize we have 4 giant sized Heinz Ketchup bottles. Two bottles essentially empty.. and two bottles more than half empty.
In my head, I think... "Man, we need to buy new Ketchup". Chili D and Tink are really burning through our Ketchup supply...
Right around this time, I wake up. I'm still laying in bed, sorta sleepy. I'm thinking about my dream... and Get This: I am not thinking about how weird it is that I am living in a community house with Flag Girl's family... it's not weird that Cute Girl is dropped off by her dad... it's not odd to me that we share a community kitchen...
No. While awake, laying in my bed, I was honestly thinking: How are we going to keep that fridge stocked with enough Ketchup for everyone?? I mean... we can't run out of Ketchup! What the hell is gonna happen, if we don't have enough Ketchup??
That. Was what was strange to me, about the dream. Bottom Line: I'm weird, I guess.
This past year, produced more medical drama than one family would care to deal with in a decade's worth of living. Several of families members were checked, screened, hospitalized and sewn back together, with one ailment after another. A few more serious, than were necessary for Coach's happy face.
I'm for finding the brighter side of the coin... so here are ten great moments from the past 12 months, in no particular order.
1. My tanned summer-time kiddies... turning into baseball players, swimmers, diving board jumpers...
2. Watching 5 children, whom I love too much, running (racing) towards their very first ocean! Pure, irreplaceable joy...
Original Blog Date/Title: March 21, 2012. "I Hope You Still Feel Small When you Stand Beside the Ocean."
3. The Opening of our Dream. With much help and support from our amazing friends and family, we were able to open our businesses. We feel very blessed.
Original Blog Date: April 10, 2012 "What is in a Name?"
4. Express Yourself... Madonna concert.
Despite a pretty significant delay (which I didn't love) I'm still a fan. And I would wait HOURS to have been a part of watching Mrs. catch her first peek of Madonna coming from behind the curtain... Mrs reacted with Oprah's Favorite Things worthy enthusiasm. Jumping, screaming, eyes welled with tears, pulling down my shirt, crazed enthusiasm. Priceless.
5. Our Christmas princess... will forever live in my mind as one of my most precious Christmas memories eva. Tink was so beautiful, posed and confident. She sparkled with Christmas magic.
Original Blog Date/Title: December 1, 2012. "The Christmas Parade."
6. Coco becoming a Rock Star. I'm sure, sooner than later, we will regret the American Idol Disaster Try-out ego we are installing in our baby.... but as of now, there is nothing more adorable than watching Coco own the stage.
Original Blog Date/Title: August 25, 2012. "Probably... this is how Britney Spears started..."
7. The Re-invention of The Kid. Sometimes the most difficult decisions yield the most amazing results. Plus, it's awesome when I get to say "I told you so.."
Original Blog Date/Title: August 22. "Fresh Start"
8. The afternoon, Flag Girl's aunt, asked her if I was her boyfriend. I'm not sure it is the 'best' moment of 2012 but I'm fairly certain, it is a moment which will Never Ever be forgotten. Especially not, in this family.
Original Blog: August 7, 2012. "Aunts are Fun"
9. Our Team Skit from the Hollywood Masquerade Dance. i LOVE this video. i LOVE these people. i LOVE everything about it....
Wonder what we'll do on January 12th??:
10. The Engagement of Sweetbreads and Warhol, via this blog. I am still so honored, to have played a small role in their love story. The extreme anxiety attack... totally worth it.
Original Blog Date/Title: August 31, 2012 "And Without ANY Further Adieu"
I like to remind myself of New Orleans...
BONUS Awesome BLOG Moment:
The Butt Face Fairy Comment Section.
Still... Beyond funny stuff.
Original Date/Title: Sept. 5, 2012. "Barbie Fairies"
Thanks for the great times, Tru Stories cast.
Happy New Year. I love you!
Well... sorta. I mean I can't sing, or play an instrument.. I'm not their manager, I guess this post sorta makes me like their publicist...
Chili D and The Teacher have formed a band. And it's not like other small town people, with nothin better to do, who look at each other one night over a few drinks and say "Hey... I think I can sing" and then "Hey... I think I can play a guitar".
These two actually CAN sing and play guitar!
Last week, the band played two sets at The Boondocks and they were amazing! Random strange people in the crowd were recording them on their phones (I'm not iPhone savvy but I'm unsure what one does with video of strangers singing on your phone... unless they were secret Nashville Record label spies.)
They were so awesome, people were tipping $10s and $20s.... but some guys needed to make change in the tip jar... Warhol's gotta feed his kids and stuff.
If The Teacher and Chili D weren't cool enough, turns out Sweetbreads can sing (of course she bleepin can... she just keeps getting more awesome... oh she can sing AND paint AND have great hair AND get raises while napping AND funny AND do yoga... I can't tell you how much a sista-in-law can't wait for THAT girl to join the family and make the rest of us look like old untalented dog s$$>... Anyway...)
Two cute girls. I coulda sang if I wanted but it was really more important that I sit at the picnic table. Somebody's got too...
So as the Official Publicist:
Please come see The Band,
Tonight at the Boondocks 7:00pm or
Thursday at The Mansion Patio tentative Aug 2nd.
As of Yet, The Band is currently without a name.
Here are a list of my suggestions:
Teachin Chili D
The LC
A Bucket of Merlot
On Land (Play on names)
Wrigley's Puss (It's for their pets, perverts!)
A Guy and A Girl
Cats and Dogs
* If you would like to book The Band, please contact Flag Girl at : 1-800-She'snotgonnaanswer-cuzshe'stoobusysmilinatherrockstarboyfriend.
I'd like to take this moment to respectively speak as your Aunt and elder: Maybe 6 weeks ago, The Kid and I, made a pack to read the Hunger Games books. I read the first in the series (he read all 3) and we took Coach and went to the movie. (obviously, Coach had not read the book... but we allowed him to join us.)After viewing the movie, I grabbed the second and spent 4 straight hours reading the entire book, until 1:00am. As many of you are aware:
The second book ends abruptly... creating an urge to immediately rip open the third, to finish the series. I could hardly wait to wake The Kid the next morning and demand he hand me the last, to complete the series. He responded to my request with a shoulder shrug and totally bored, "Ohh... I already gave the book to Mona. She took it to her house and is still reading it." I nearly slapped his face.
WHAT??!! Do we just pass out Tween books to other ten year olds, encouraging them to read... with no regard for our Mothers??! I became panicky. Sorta sweaty and confused. The book was an ENTIRE hour away from me... and there was nothing I could do because it's not cool for a grown woman to DEMAND a children's book from her niece.
So... for the last few weeks, I have played it cool.
But no more.
GIVE ME BACK THAT BOOK!!
I can't stand it anymore, Mona! What will Katniss do? Is her family safe? Will she outsmart the Capital?? I NEED to know these things!!
In the interim... I have read a few other books (that's right Page Turners... I'm reading again) one about friends in yoga studio and yesterday I started this little book, some people may have heard of... **Mona, please stop reading this post now** A book called... '20 errr shades of ... ummm orange... or something'.
And let me tell you: It's inappropriate.
To say the very least.
Let's try to get past the 'Ummm you know' .. I can hardly handle weak women who fail to look out for themselves. Therefore... I'm having a little trouble dealing with the heroine (eye roll and cough). It may be the first time, I am unable to finish a book. **Mona, you can start reading again**
So as you can see... my mind needs a mental cleansing of sorts. I NEED that third Hunger Games book. You are scheduled to attend Coco's pink Barbie Birthday party tomorrow evening. I'm expecting, you will present me with my requested book, within moments of walking into the party.
If you have not finished the book: Not my problem. Tell your parents to drive their fancy Travette to Target to buy a copy. I'm no longer pretending to encourage children to read... at my expense.
If you do not obey your aunt,
the following punishments will occur:
I will make you dress in pink tutus and hold hands with your sister, as you both sing a song entitled "We are the 2 best Friends that anyone can have..."
Or.... I will make you play Barbies with Coco, for 4 straight hours. And just ask Sweetbreads... it's not such a good time.
We celebrated at the very successful Rt 66 BBQ/Springfest. The hard work, paid off and left very pretty (and tired) painted faces, on our girls.
We were also covered with awe inspired chills, watching the debut of the amazing duet of The Teacher and Chili D (yet to be named... though I am voting for 'Teachin Chili D'.) They were AWESOME and already booked for next year.
Suffering a pretty hard-core Springfest hangover, Coco spent the majority of Mass, drapped over the Kneeling Thingamajig, crying to leave. I get it... Childrens Mass is a lil bit long...
Maybe, under-inspired by Coco's devotion... 'He' hath opened the heavens and dumped several inches of rain on Our Town... flooding the creek (not crick) and canceling baseball.
Last...
BlacKbird yoga sTudio had it's busiest week, to date! Full classes, new interest, leaking ceilings, hosting Big Wig town meetings (half the guests were family) and posing as the scene for the MOST ADORABLE pic snapped during Children's Yoga relaxation. Punkin and Tink, let their teeny cousin hands find each other.
Does it get any cuter??
Also an impressive advertisement for my teaching skills, as typically hyper (sorta loudish) Punkin, looks to practically be in a coma.
Easter has passed and I assume you should be heading home soon. Given that all of us are not as worldly and royalty-like wealthy... we are unable to Winter for months in Arizona. (Though, trust me SOME of us, check the airline prices often.) But things have changed around these here parts. I thought I'd create a cheat sheet of life across and around your alley.
Who needs AZ when the average temperature 'back home' have been breaking the record books?? February and March were the warmest months, I can remember. If you were hoping to return home, in time to experience beautiful Midwestern flowers and the smell of lilacs... well, you snooze, you lose. I'd like to pretend the warm weather inspired Coach and I to clean up our side of the alley, to near picture-perfect like Spring time Menards Ad... but our yard may be at it's worst. (Who came up with the idea to 'Cute up Your Corner' anyway???) Curb lined with old junk from the shop? Check. Porch piled with boxes of worn-out tools? Check. Tired and dead mums, from Fall? Check. Kids bikes knocked over on the driveway? Check. Basketball hoop AGAIN blown down? You betcha. We'd hate to have you return to a pristine yard. Just wouldn't feel like home. If you are getting nostalgic for sweeping your curb... we have Catalpa beans, collecting thickly in the gutters. Just waitin for ya.
Now something you may not recognize, while gazing out your window... our new son. Sure he looks a lil like Coco. And yes, he fancies himself an afternoon snack of playground rocks and rain water resting on the slide, similar to our previous baby. Never the less, thanks to a distracted moment by moi... our youngest may look boy-ish, from your direction.
Your yard is still being tended to by The Bride's father... though I am pretty sure, he threw a big kegger of a party on Sunday. Cars parked ALL over your drive. It's odd... because his only daughter was delivering a precious bundle of bouncy boy joy. Even a grand-son can not keep The Bride's Father from throwing a killer party in an empty house. But who am I tellin?? You know better than I, how much he enjoys a good Miller Lite. The new cousin is too cute. And being born on Easter or Thanksgiving?? Definitely the best holiday Birth Day. Great story... and you don't ALWAYS have to share your day with a turkey or a bunny rabbit. That can't be cool, for a boy.
You've maybe heard, we have ignored our children for a good month, while preparing our new business. No biggie... just grand opening right and left. When you are ready for a trim, you may want to call a few days ahead of time for an appointment. Coach is pretty big time now. And I will happily accept your beautiful bride as a new yogi! Stroll her up there, during your morning walk.
Otherwise, while we weren't looking, Tink got big. I mean... Big for a little person. Signing up for Kindergarten. Starting an every day preschool. Taking a field trip on a Big school bus. And tomorrow.. she has her first Tball practice! I know it's been awhile but you will need to re-adjust to having a yard full of homerun hitters, again. Better pull out some shutters. I imagine my father or uncles cracked one or two of your windows.
And The Kid?? When he is not glaring into my camera during sweet Easter pictures, he is eagerly anticipating the 100th Anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic... but really, what 10 year old boy isn't??
Temperatures are dropping back into the 50's this week. The perfect time for you to drive ALL the way back across the country, to your home. I'd more than appreciate it... your street front has been a serious eye sore.. really bringing down the property values, in the neighborhood.
Coach and his awesome (not very well-paid) construction crew have really started logging some serious hard-core hours up at the new place. At this current stage of the process, I'm not a big help actually within the Work Zone. Shockingly my health does not respond too kindly to scraping off dirty several decades worth of flaking paint or tearing down old walls. Therefore, someone has to take care of our three children and provide them with some type of normal life, while Coach is clocking MANY long hours at the new studio. Our children, love them some Daddy and the good-nights are getting a little long and lonely. Am I feeling guilty about all of the hard work Coach and his family are putting into MY studio...??? Duh, YES!! to say the very least. Dang... I am even forcing kids to work!
I've have been doing my best, to be a good ol' fashioned farm wife: washing Coach's very dirty clothes, baking cookies to drop off, checking to make sure he has eaten, picking up his chores around the house. Friday, we ordered our Lent Casey's Cheese Pizza and had a quick 15 minute picnic dinner on the new studio steps. (which was the only time, the kids saw Daddy that day).
(PS- The pictures are not out of focus, that is all the old plaster dust Doc is power blasting around.)
So I exclaimed to my mother "Ugh... this is getting hard on the kids. They really miss Coach and I am burning out as a single parent. If we had any extra money, I would take them on Spring Break, just to give them something happy to do and free up Coach." And then... Grammy started thinking about it. Cuz I guess, she DOES have extra money.
She called this morning: Game on. We are packing up the kids, throwing them into the van and driving down to Savannah, Georgia. Now, I'm sure you may be thinking: 'Seriously, Coach married himself a selfish B, for realz!! He's working his tail off and she's going on vacation!!' The answer would again be: Yes, I am feeling guilty about this, as well. But trust me... 6 days with 5 children, on the road, changing out of swim suits, checking into hotels, making sure Coco doesn't eat the sand or shells or marine life... I'm sorta working too. It's just in a much prettier location.
And I could probably mention, while Coach IS really tired. And Coach IS kinda stressed. And Coach DOES have a few sore muscles... he is also having a pretty alright time with his Construction Crew. They apparently seem to think they are EVEN MORE funny within a Work Zone. (If that was possible.) When you are throwing around phrases like: Does this measure bigger than that? or Where is a stud? Add in major power tools. Plus chatting about what is sweating the most, recent episodes of the Walking Dead and new Doritos Tacos... it's not such a bad time up there.
Still- I appreciate the Crew, more than I can describe. There are NO words.
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