A little advice for The Bride.

This weekend, The Bride will become....um, A Bride.
Officially, joining our family.
My gift to you, is a little advice, on marrying one of GG's grandsons.
(And yes, I am still giving a real gift.)



As you marry into this proud, Irish Catholic family...

Do you:

1.) Accept, for the rest of your life, you will be known as "His Wife". Because people will quickly forget, you were your own person.
2.) Do you promise, to create and nurture SEVERAL SuPerCute babies? This is not a family of 'only children'. That is not how they roll. Also, are you prepared to buy lots of pink? Five of GG's grandsons have produced a shocking twelve baby girls. Those boys, are not really famous for making boys.
3.) Do you like DQ? Cuz they Heart the bleep out of it.
4.) Do you fully understand that upon entering the family, you have given up the rights to nearly every weekend of the year to children's birthday parties? (some months, cake almost doesn't taste good.)
5.) Do you accept, that you are not living in a Julia Roberts movie? You are lucky, to be marrying a very Nice Man. But they are not, exactly, romantic. You will probably Not spend a spring afternoon reading poetry. He will, however, be nice.
6.) Are you prepared to laugh? Really, laugh all the time. They are funny. Even when you would like them to stop. Even when you are really trying to be mad at him...he is still f'in knee-slappin hilarious.
7.) Do you understand, that you will never again be the first, second or even fifth couple to leave a social function. You will very most likely be the last.
Or second to last, if Art is there.
8.) Do you, take this country boy? They are not scared of snow, rain, lightning, drought, an empty tank of gas, spiders etc... They are frightened by: cats living indoors, any spot of water larger than a 'crick', airplanes (cuz big heavy machinery should be in a shed, not flying) suntanning and bare feet.
9.) Are you resigned, to rarely traveling more than 2 hours from home? What if something awesome happened and you were the only couple to miss the fun? I mean, what if something wild happened, like one of the cousins were down at Willy's and you missed the opportunity to hang with them?! Tragic.
10.) Do you understand, that the most interesting people he knows, are his relatives? Therefore, at each and every event...please accept, you will hang with the same 8 people. Playing a game, they like to call..."Who is the most funny cousin?"
And Warhol, REALLY plays to win.

And last...
Do you promise to cherish a man and family who:
loves hard, laughs often, chocolates plenty, gathers FreQuenTly, is never NOT busy, has friends EVERYWHERE, are not familiar with the sound of quiet, considers Turtles the 'fancy bar', prefers beer over wine and will dress in costume for virtually no reason.


Well.... Bride....Do you?

Congrats to the happy couple!