Dear Coach

While you were in Chicago for the evening:

I may or may not have driven your kids thru the DQ drive and ordered Double Cheese Burgers and fries for dinner at 3:30pm. When they complained they were hungry again at 7:00pm, I may or may not have fed them chocolate chip cookies to keep quiet.

While watching the Cubs game and pointing you out to the children, I may or may not have eye rolled so hard at their buzzing excitement of seeing their father on TV, that I gave myself a headache.

While holding the baby and rubbing Tink's foot at the same time before bed, a reddish spider, may or may not have climbed up my ankle. It may or may not have bit me, leaving a mark and causing me to nearly drop the girls to the floor as I first killed said spider a minimum of 7 times before racing to the bathroom to scrub my ankle clean with rubbing alcohol and squeeze the poisonous DeviLreD spider venom out of the wound.
That same spider's corpse may or may not be sitting in a shot glass on our counter so it can easily be identified for anti-venom after half of my leg has been consumed by it's poison over night.

Hey, hope you had fun at the game, First Row Dug-out seats, high-fiving your buddies and tossing back cold ones as I did a poor job taking care of your children and living out MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!

Love you to pieces.
Your wife.

PS-I DVR'd the game so you can relive your super fantastic/magical night as my leg rots in the hospital this weekend. Anything for you, Muffin-face!