Gramma and Grandpa own a portion of land, Coach has a sweet spot for. We had originally planned to marry on top of The Hill but life detoured that plan... Tru Story. We married in our yard, instead. Now and then The Hill will come up in conversation. We've joked we will one day renew our vows on The Hill (but since we can hardly plan a romantic dinner for two... renewing wedding vows is extremely unlikely.)
As life becomes more messy, exhausting and unorganized.. I've begun to fantasize about a calmer lifestyle.. The following is an example of the most Adult, our conversations get:
Me: I've been thinking, maybe one day we should build our dream home on The Hill. After the kids move out, build a small white cottage out there. Simple, open floor plan. Two bedrooms. Easy to care for...
Coach: We could do that.
Me: Cozy. Big fireplace. Comfy furniture.... How much do you think it would cost to build a small dream home out there??
Coach: Well... you'd have to run electricity, dig a well, make a lane...
Me: Blah... I mean how much would my small dream kitchen cost?? Big windows and a bar to sit at...
Coach: Good Point... and a gate for the lane?
Me: Zombies don't use the lane! Duh... Zombies will just walk up any side of The Hill. I figure we can get an 8 ft white vinyl fence for a small portion of back yard. That will keep the Zombies out of the back and obviously help keep the country winds to a minimum.
Coach: Obviously.
Me: Be honest.. you're the country expert: The way I see it, because we are elevated on a Hill, it would be more difficult for the mice and spiders to crawl up out of the fields..
Coach: Uhhhh... not really. We can get some cats.
Me: Yuck. Mangy outside country cats scare me. I guess we can get Terminix...
Coach: I'm gonna need a man cave basement.
Me: I figured we would have a small one for the tornadoes and to store our supplies for The Revolution Black Out... and the grandkids can play down there.
Coach: I don't want those brats down there! Crawling on my pool table and messing with my big screens. I'm gonna have football parties down there.
Me: You don't have football parties... Why does it feel like your man cave is not exactly on point with the cozy couch and blankie future I envision for us?? Are you just planning on hangin down there and calling up when you need me to toss down a beer?!
Coach: Nah.. I'll have a fridge down in the cave.
Me: ... so you'll call upstairs to heat up the oven for your frozen pizzas?
Coach: No.. I'll have a small oven too.
Me: I feel like our small dream house is not the same dream in both our heads...
Coach: Don't you think you would hate living out in the Country?? Being away from town?
Me: I don't know... by then I may barely leave my home... so what does it matter? I'll just come in town a couple days a week for yoga, shopping..
Coach: But you'll still come in for dinner dates and stuff? You'll be annoyed by the drive.
Me: Ugh... more like 'annoyed with having to change into my In Town clothes...'
Coach: Your 'In Town' clothes??
Me: .. I'll have In Town clothes and Country clothes.
Coach: Are your Country clothes just your pajamas?
Me: Yep... so if people start calling up to The Barbershop, telling you that they've seen your wife wandering downtown without her In Town clothes... you'll know something's fishy.
Coach: Are you EVER leaving the house or changing out of pajamas? Are me and the kids just gonna start buying Moomoos for you, every Christmas? Bright lime green and stuff?
Me: Drama! I'm not turning into the old lady from There's Something about Mary! I'm just gonna be an old country lady with blankies, books and a small veggie garden... which will be invaluable when the food supply runs low after the Apocalypse.
Coach: Awesome. Just tell me when...
11 comments:
You know the inside of your home pictures do not match the outside of your home picture at all.
If I'm still living I will not be making the long drive out in the country for visits. You will need to stop by and visit me wearing in town clothes.
It's actually more difficult than you would imagine to find pictures of simple white ranch homes... with a big porch, red door and zombie blocking tall fence.
Plus an attached garage... because somebody ALWAYS gets taken down by a Zombie when you walk as a group... to your get-away vehicle, parked wide open and exposed in the lane.
Match Guy has me watching The Walking Dead. Did you know there is a haunted house in Joliet where you can shoot zombies?
Does anyone else feel... that by Dish not giving us AMC... and that we probably WON'T be able to start The Walking Dead on Sunday... that it's like AMC is in on some kind of government level conspiracy to leave a majority of this country unprepared for the taking over of Zombies??!
Because watching the show is not just entertainment... it is research.
Dish is for loosers! DTVhol
We get AMC. Want me to record it on the VCR and give you the tape?
I can DVR it but you would have to spend time at my home to watch it.
I love your new home.....
What the WHAT??? I have DISH. If I wasn't under a contract for another 11 months I would drop that $h!t STAT and get Direct. I'm going to make several angry phone calls over the next 72 hours... who's with me?
All of u can share the vcr taoe.
thank God I splurged for the DVD/VCR combo just in case
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