Warning: This Post is Graphic

As previously mentioned,
our older home is suffering with plumbing issues. After dropping $950 in January, our plumbing has continued to suffer with irregularity.
Bracing ourselves and bearing down, we called the plumbers back to our home. Preparing for the worst and receiving news, even worst-er than expected.
Due to the very large trees in our yard, the age of our home and the lack of proper maintenance in many years past.... our pipes are corroded, cracked and plugged from home to street.

Oh... that's all?
Chili Davis aka The Apparent Expert of Pipes Which Carry Dung, suggested we call in another opinion "Before you just drop $6000..."
Thanks Chili, for your bloated confidence in our ability to "just drop $6000" on anything...ever...
Coach called a very kind but extremely unlucky friend, to observe the damage. They (unfortunately for them) discovered our crawl space, is (literally) a $hit $torm. After the repulsion passed and a few not funny jokes were exchanged about what The Kid had for dinner the night before.... His friend outlined our next move.

2 hours later, I called Coach:

Me: So what are we doing about this cr@p (literally)?

Coach: Well... I don't know? Do you think I should make a few phone calls?

Me: I think we should do SOMETHING. We cannot live in a Porta Potty. I assume that's not healthy.

Coach: Well... I could call the plumber back. See if we can't get a temporary fix. Do you want me to do that for you? (He said, with the calmness of someone who just offered to pick up milk from the store.)

Me: I would LIKE you to send me to a hotel suite in Florida. But if that's not gonna work, then yes... I would LIKE you to call the plumber FOR ME so we are no longer living above toxic waste (literally.)

Coach: Ok. I'll call. In the meantime, they said I could pick up some Lyme? or something, to throw on the mess. Should I do that?

Me: Yes. I think you should do that. Again, I do not think, we should continue to live in a giant out-house.

(I LOVE how relaxed Coach is treating this obviously emergent situation, as if we have the option of routinely tramping across the street, to The Brides Father's to 'excuse ourselves'.)

Upon, hearing about our situation, Flag girl giggled that we seem to have some guy named Bad Luck Charlie or Doomsday Dan (I can't recall the exact name)... floating in a cloud above our home. Upon further review, I would guess Doomsday Dan is actually squatting in our attic and (literally) dumping on us a few times, each day.

In Conclusion:
It appears, we are collectively Giving Up for Lent:

* Any and all Savings, as we know it.
* The ability to ever again, entertain friends, without their whispering our home is (literally) a $hit Hole.
* The idea, that my blog could ever be published as an inspirational and happy Tell-all of a cute family of Five, NOT actually living above their own filth.

Signing off,
Tru Stories from the Number Two... 22 Floor.

PS: Also...I am seriously, getting down in the dumps, that my opportunity of attending The Oprah Show is just another pipe dream.
Sometimes, there are not enough scented candles in the world, to mask how Life can Stink. (literally)